Sportingles

Sportingles tingled his tingles. He loved sports games. From Maiden, National Bullshit Art, and National Hickey Association, he couldn't stop hitting his climax. Whenever he scored, he would splooge all over the TV, and then his mom would lick his springly dongs and suck the remains in his sausage. She stopped aging at 22.

However, there was one thing that always made him tingle. Sportacus. I mean, look at his fucking name! How ELSE did you think he got the damn name? I seriously hope you knew this because the shit's on you if you didn't. Use the Internet one day you fucking asshole. Watch Airbud and get some inspiration.

Anyway, Sportingles had a major sexual obsession with him. He imagined his dick flopping as he flipped around Lazy Town. He'd always hit the shrooms in his honor. He always liked the feeling of his ass being grabbed by the lord in blue (this one, not the spiky one, he's for later, maybe). Anyway, he couldn't sleep much at night and suffered from imsomnia because he would always piss himself thinking that he was ejaculating. His mom didn't care much as long as she could stroke his dick.

One day, however, Sportingles' mom was pissed off. Sportingles forgot to buy Viagra the previous night because he was too busy fapping to Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. She was still pissed even after licking all the whipped cream in his room. Sportingles was desperate and drunk.

Sportingles was restless. He drank all the Miller Lites in his fridge. He needed to get the store. His mom already passed out from some sips. He hit the shrooms to calm himself and entered his Honda Civic at 4:37 PM.

Sportingles was a fucking idiot to drive to the store. He crashed into a tree at 4:41 PM, and he leaped out of his car. As he walked, he saw that he was fucking glowing. "WOO! I'M FUCKING HITTING IT!" Sportingles yelled.

He then started to glow. He started to fly. "WHOA, MY DICK IS ELEVATED MORE THAN USUAL!" Sportingles screamed. He started to spin. Everything turned blue.

"It's-a-fucking me ya bastard!" a fat plumber yelled.

"The hell," Sportingles muttered.

"Take a look at those MUSHROOMS FOR ME CUNT! You see? That's not an ordinary fucking mushroom. You're the chosen shroomboy. The thing is, it doesn't do shit with other mushrooms. It has its own effects, it completely overwrites what shrooms you've consumed."

"Oh shit, white dots," Sportingles said. "The high is fucking blazing though. I want some more. Damn. My dad left me because he's part of ISIS now. I think he's dead, whatever fuck him. I still have his Diet Coke from May 24, 2007. My mom looks fucking hot and I can never stop penetrating her with my sausage."

"Stop talking. My name is Mario Mario."

"Mario, Mario? The fu-"

"NO! FUCK YOU! DON'T MAKE ME SHOVE THOSE MUSHROOMS UP YOUR ASS AND MAKE YOU SHIT IT OUT WHEN I FUCKING STOMP THEM OUT!"

"OK, OK."

"Anyways, yeah whatever. I'll give you some Viagra if you shut the fuck up and help with with Boser. He has these brown shit-smelling mushrooms called Goombas. They like chomping dicks. They have some kind of obsession with testes. Then there are the Koops, and they rape you if they see you. They're into fisting, so watch out. Sometimes they like to fist each other when they're on acid trips, and you can kill them without them noticing if they're doing that. This is not common so protect your anus and fuck condoms."

They journeyed down the yellow-brick road to Boser's Kestle. As soon as they stepped inside, they saw him waiting for them. There was lines of cocaine everywhere. He shoved his cocaine snorter up some princess' ass and you could see the little shit specks on the snorter and on his dick.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHRHGHURGURHUGRHUGRRGRHUHRG." Boser whispered.

"You have cummed for the special one?" He said.

"Yes. There's milk everywhere," Mario replied.

Boser was fucking hideous. He looked like a meth-head Morgan Freeman. His dick was 1 foot, 1 inch long and he was fucking tall, 6 foot 9. He had a Bud Light tattoo on his left arm.

"YER DECK'S ARE MEIN," Boser stated. "I'M PUMPING YO ASSES FULL OF COKE AND SHIT SPECKLES."

"Man, and I wore a fucking enema," Sportingles said.

"NO MATTER," Boser said. "LET'S PROCEED WITH THE ASS LICKING."

Mario pinched Boser's beer belly. Then he kicked his dick and half of it was hanging off. He yanked it off and shoved it up his anus. He then took the shit-speckled snorter that the princess had in her ass and shoved it in where Boser's dick once was. Objective complete.

Mario granted Sportingles the honor of fucking the princess (in her vagina not her shitty anus) and gave him a magical lifetime supply of Viagra that would never run out and would keep his dick sprung as long as he wanted it. Mario then teleported (with his hat) Sportingles back home.

It was back to normal afterwards. Sportingles and his mom happily fucked ever after. The end.