Dix Pillz

(Author's note: This is an entry to the Dark Humor Contest over at Creepypasta Wiki.)

It all started when I took that pill.

I had an, erm, issue down there and this company, Sux-Dix, promised that this pill would fix it all. It didn't. It made my issues bigger.

The first morning after I took the pill, I woke up with a searing pain on my nether regions. When I looked down, I saw that my genitalia were red and swollen, with thick veins pushing against the skin.

Despite my fears, I decided not to go to a doctor. A bad infection, I thought. Not the first time and not the last one, amirite?

Next morning was when the real horror started. I woke up, and my bed was soaked in a sticky goo. It was everywhere! It was when I pushed the covers aside that reality settled in. There was... an appendage sticking out of my groin! It was covered in that strange goo, it was rigid and it was pulsating evilly. Needless to say, I was scared stiff!

I had to see a doctor. I got dressed, trying to cover this vile thing up as best as I could. But it was so huge it was either sticking out from my pants, or pitching a huge tent. I went with option number two. I had to walk for fifteen minutes with this stick shooting out from my groin. I am ashamed to admit it, but at an intersection, I hit a midget in the eye.

After the excruciating walk of shame, I reached the doctor's office. I didn't even bother with the secretary and I barged right in. The doctor, upon setting his gaze upon my malformation, recoiled in terror, as his shrill cries filled the room. I wasted no time and I dropped my pants.

"Doctor, I took the Dix pill and here's what happened!" I cried.

At that, the doctor breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh you silly woman... Don't you know?" the doctor takes a deep breath and smiles a big, toothy smile, sweat bullets sliding down his shiny bald head.

"Dix pillz! So strong it will grow your penis into a hulking mass. Even if you didn't have a penis in the first place!" he says, never breaking his smile.

A chorus of asynchronous voices chimes in:

"Dix pillz, they make your dick grow!" they try to sing in unison. One of the voices tries to muffle a burp. Cheap elevator music starts playing.

—

"Geez, when is the show starting? Enough with these advertisements already..."

Credited to MrDupin