YOSHI, FUCK YOU

I'm not the only one to say that I've played the Yoshi games. I used to love jumping around, getting hit by the little dickheads who'd cause the baby on your back to emit such a noise that I'd rather be run over than have to listen to that audio clip more than 2 seconds. But one day, Yoshi took it too far.

It was a bright Thermidor day, and I wanted to play some Yoshi. I went to my local Bob's discount furniture store to purchase it. When I brought the game to the desk, Bob himself came out of a mattress.

"Don't play that game, you will die just like my brother's brother, don't play...

or you'r next!!!!!!!"

I thought it was just a glitch and moved on. When I got home I immediately inserted the game into my Supreme Smart Shower Curtain. When the game booted up, I noticed something, I was playing on a fucking shower curtain. In what society is it socially acceptable to play on a shower curtain. Anyways, I thought it was a hacked or glitchy bug and I started the game. The game began with a cutscene of Yoshi walking through a field. He did this for a millennium until finally, a shy guy appeared. He told Yoshi "go to hell" before exploding. Shy guy's foreskin went everywhere, even in the real world. I could only get so erect. Yoshi then said "GUBLUBBA WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and carried on. Then, a stork crashed into the mouaint and a baby fell to the ground at speeds only Shadow the Hedgehog could reach. Then, Yoshi ate the baby and shit him out. The baby was Mario.

He screamed "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!1!" until Yoshi said, "GLUMP" and shushed him. Yoshi then put the baby on his back. The game had begun.

The game started with Yoshi staring at a couple of guys who were up to no good, so she shot them up and hid them in the neighborhood. Yoshi would never do that, so I changed to all of the colors in the universe and started to cry brain juices. Yoshi then stared at the screen... "Yout next," Yoshi said grimly. My dick then retracted into my body, touching my stomach causing me to throw up all over my curtains. I was too busy paying my respects to my curtains before Yoshi started cannibalizing the baby. I didn't realize until Yoshi sais "I'm eating the baby haha" and ate the baby. yum. That looked like a meal.

Yoshi then toppled the wall and overthrew the Mexican government. He made a speech declaring a totalitarian dictatorship. So Yoshi, if you're reading this, FUCK YOU.