Stomach Rage

My stomach grumbled impatiently as I drove into the drive through of McDonalds.

Hi, can I take your order? The miserable teen grumbled at me.

Hi, I'll have a.......... I scanned the menu looking for something that appealed to me.

The teen exhaled loudly. I swear customer service is getting better these days... whatever happened to service with a smile?

My eyes glanced down the menu and stopped on the Big mac. My stomach emitted a pleasant growl, as if to say Pick that pick that pick that!. FINE! I thought, just shut up!. Great. Now i'm having a silent argument with my stomach- I'd better order some food pronto.

Please can I have one Big mac please?

That's Â£3.49

I handedÂ  grumpy pants a crisp Â£5 note, and grumps shoved the change back in my hand.

Drive further up to get your stuff Grumps mumbled.

Thankyou, have a lovely day I grinned.

I drove up and got my order, then parked in the car park.

''FINALLY! You neglect me ya'know- you can't expect me to sit here quietly while you drink all that coffee crap and never feed me ACTUAL FOOD!''

Shut up- you're my stomach so you'll do what I tell you.

''You're such a jerk. Why couldn't I have been the stomach of Jamie Oliver or Nigella Lawson? At least then I wouldn't be filled with crap.''

Shut up so I can eat

I really need to consider getting a stomach transplant, but i'm sure the doctors won't allow it as there is nothing physically wrong with my stomach- it just has an arsey attitude. Besides, what am I supposed to even say? Hi, my stomach talks to me and it sounds like a chain smoker with a chicago accent- please can you swap it for another?. No. I don't think so.

Humphh.

If my stomach were a person, I know that we would hate each other.Â  I shoved the burger in my face and chewed happily. Then I felt something gristly grinding between my teeth. I chewed and chewed- wow this was one tough burger- or maybe it was that my mouth wasn't used to solids (as I had been working a lot lately, so had just been drinking coffee). I continued to chew, but then something caught my attention.

''What the fuck!! I ordered a big mac and this fucking TASTES LIKE CHICKEN!'' I exclaimed.

''HEY! I was eating that!'' Stomach roared.

I examined the half eaten burger by carelessly tossing all the lettuce and bread aside. My finger brushed against something covered in ketchup- It was probably just a gherkin *shiver* gross. But I examined the ketchup slathered thing anyway. I picked it up and it dangled in my fingers for a few seconds.....1...2....3...4. Then realisation hit.

Oh.....my......fuckin'.......god. My stomach grumbled sarcastically ''Didn't I say you fed me crap? Eh, eh? Well, say something dammit!''

'AHHHHHHHHH SHUTUPYOUIGNORANTSHIT FUCKKKKKKK!'' I shrieked as I launched 3/4 of a human nose at my wind shield. It splattered ketchup on the glass, then bounced onto the dash board.''

..............................

..............................

I sat staring at the nose for about 10 minutes, while stomach was there stomach aciding his pants.

I simply picked up the nose and placed it in the burger carton. And that was that.

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I don't know what made me go back the next day.......It just kinda happened.

The same events took place, except this time I got an eye in my Big mac. I was freaked out, like anyone would be, but I just brushed it off, flung it in the carton with the nose from the previous day, and carried on eating.

This continued for 7 more days, Â and each day I was bothered less by the human flesh.

After my burger on the 9th day (today was a sheet of skin, YUMMY!) curiousity struck me. I rooted and retrieved the carton I had been flinging all the flesh in- then layed them out on the napkin on my lap. I placed the eyes next to each other, the ears outside of them, the nose inbetween the eyes, the lips underneath that, then a sheet of skin where the forehead should be, the the two remaining sheets where the cheeks should be. The result of my creativity was a face. But............

Hahaha, I guess you are what you eat, eh? Stomach chuckled.

I was so stunned I didn't bother replying. I was staring at myself. It was a bit ragged and askew, but, that was definitely me. On its- I mean on my (my face in my lap I mean) left cheek, were the words 'I'm lovin' it' etched into the skin. Ewwwww. Where the hell did they get my face?!?

Look in the mirror retard..... stomach said, with a smirk in its voice that was in my thoughts.

I looked up- muttering to myself what a douchbag stomach was. My face....or lack of it. My mouth no longer had lips, just pink gums and not-so-pearly whites. My nose no longer had nostrils- they looked more like two dark caves now. My flesh was gone, an inflamed raw red was now my complexion. My ears were not there- YAY at least I wouldn't have to listen to stomach's stupid comments, this is the only positive thing from this!!

Think again douchebag- you don't need ears to hear your thoughts you crazy bastard.

DAMMIT!