The Doug Walker Incident

I was a huge Nostalgia Critic fan. WAS. Not anymore, especially after what happened.

Have you ever been starstruck to the point that you're just totally speechless? That's how I acted when I saw Doug at a local grocery store one day. I had to approach the man, he did make my childhood. I approached him, but as I talked to him, this fucking disgusting snarl came across his face. Particularly, when I said that my favorite review he's done is Ernest Saves Christmas, the snarl just grew 3 sizes. When I was finished, he said, "What, you didn't like Demo Reel?"

Needless to say, I had no idea what the fuck a "demo reel" was and my expression did not hide that fact. He laughed  in this disgusting growling under toned chuckle. He then walked away. Now that wasn't what made me hate Doug.

Going to the checkout, I saw Doug again a bit ahead of the line. He had a bucket of fried chicken, like 24 big pieces god, maybe 30. then he held these huge watermelons held in his other arm. I had a really hard time seeing Doug eating all that food, on top of the bag of flaming hot cheetos he had stuffed in his pocket. He set the shit on the desk.

"Really," is what the poor teenage girl probably said to herself as Doug just stared at her with deadpan emotion. Then he said," just ring it up okay? I don't have time for your pleb shit..." The girl's arms were way too small to hold the watermelons and Doug just looked on with an utter shit eating grin.

"Just tell me how much okay?"

Obviously a little intimidated by his cocky stance, she hesitated but said,"$30."

The look on Doug's face turned into this really angered look, like something just ticked in his brain.

"Really, do you even know who I am? I'm the Nostalgia Critic and I remember it so you don't have to! I deserve a discount." This poor teenager just sat there in both fear and amusement as this 30 year old balding rat looking man told her that he was a popular reviewer on the internet and deserved a discount for his 30 pieces of chicken and watermelons(plural). She refused hesitantly. Finally, it broke thru to Doug that his "stardom powers" don't work on anybody except autistic people.

He left but not without making a huge scene about it. Doug, angered by his failure, grabbed the chicken and watermelons and just dropped all of it to the floor. He then proceeded to get on all fours and crawl out of the grocery store. The cashier lady looked on in total shock as Doug Walker exited. I gave her a few seconds to take everything in, to then ring me up.

I can never forgive Doug for whatever the fuck he pulled inside the grocery store. Why did he need 30 pieces of chicken? Why did he need not one but 2 watermelons? The one thing that I still think about is how he got away with stealing that bag of cheetos inside his dumb Nostalgia Critic coat. And even now, I hear that fucking shit eating laugh along with his snarl.

His goddamned snarl....