Ren and Stimpy 1995 Hijack Tape

A few months ago, I went outside to check the mail. I have one of those really old mailboxes that is right outside the house. I leafed through the mail. It was all bills, and fliers, and magazines. Then I noticed something else at the bottom of the mailbox. A video tape. Now, sometimes I find things in the mailbox like bugs, garbage, and things like that (a few years back we had found a squirrel had made a nest there). But a video tape. I picked it up and looked at it. It looked like a normal video tape. I looked at the side. There was a shiny sticker of a butterfly on it. I peeked into the mailbox, hoping to find some explanation for the video tape, but I found nothing else.

I walked inside and set up my VCR, which had been collecting dust by then. I inserted the tape in and waited until it was finished rewinding. When it was finished, I press 'play' on my remote. It was 10:30 at night, and I grabbed some popcorn and a soda and plopped myself onto the sofa. I was ready to watch this mysterious tape.

The video started with one of those Nickelodeon indents. What followed was an advert to McDonald's Happy Meals and Chuck E. Cheese. Suddenly, what was coming up next.... The Ren and Stimpy Show on Nickelodeon! I'm sure most of you know the R&S show. It's better that you've at least seen their episodes of the show, before you understand any of this.

The intro of the show started. Everything was right, except there was demonic laughing in the background. Then it went to a picture of Ren sitting on a psychiatrist chair (Like in Ren Seeks Help from the Adult Party Cartoon) with the words "Weekend Psychiatrist Hunt" crudely written above him in red. Ren's eyes were bloodshot. And he looked like if he was depressed.

The episode started. It showed an outside view of Ren and Stimpy's house. The sky was orange, and it looked like a sunset at that time. Stimpy walked in holding his elbow. "Ow", he exclaimed, "I bumped my elbow on the table". Ren stood at him. He had a frown on his face. "Maybe if you'd f*ck me then your elbow wouldn't hurt so much", he replied. I was shocked at what I had just heard. He had said what I thought he had just said. Then Stimpy said, "But my mother told us to not say that word". Ren took a deep breath. Before he could speak, Stimpy screamed. "DON'T DO IT REN!", he cried, "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE THROUGH THIS ANYMORE!" Do what, I wondered. What was Ren going to do? They continued their conversation. The rest was barely audible. Finally, Ren suggested in a clear voice, "Why don't we go to Mr. Horse?" Stimpy replied: "Let's do that".

When they left home, they looked for Mr. Horse. They found him sitting behind a rock. Stimpy approached him. "Hello, wanna play with us?", he asked. Horse turned around. I could hear bits of radio static. At first it sounded like Bugs Bunny. What I heard was "Well, Rocky, this is a terrible situation we have here. Police have confirmed that Turner Network Television was hijacked playing a fan-made episode of Sailor Moon. It was like a movie filled with uncensored sex. We are unsure who watched that episode. I don't know anything else, but all I can tell you is that Daffy Duck is in flames and the Pink Panther was carrying Shin-Chan."

During the time the radio was playing, Horse was sitting behind the rock. He had no expression on his face. He was just sitting there still. He wasn't dead, but his face almost looked like it. I thought back to Stimpy's expression on the chair. Once the static ended, Horse walked away. He walked expressionless and he walked in a straight line around the park. The sky was filled with dark and stormy clouds. Horse then gave a slick smile. A gigantic scream erupted out of nowhere. It cut to a zoom in of a photo realistic image of Piccolo with a evil smile, laying down on the floor, with his eyes bloodshot. Text above him said "HAIL PICCOLO!!!".

It cut to black at that second. It then faded into Tweety's Cage. A bell rang in a distorted, deep tone. The background was black. The radio static came back. "Breaking News", the anchorman proclaimed, "Turner Network Television is on fire. It was hijacked last night with a fan-made pornographic Sailor Moon episode. Also there was Daffy Duck fighting with the Pink Panther. TNT was hijacked by five porn-addicted men, whose names have not been confirmed yet." The anchorman's voice shook with terror as he spoke. "This is a terrible, shocking day for not only the Network, but for the kids who are fans of these cartoons." ...after that, it went to static.

It showed Tweety swinging in his cage. At that moment, Tweety said: "I asswumed tis had swomething to do with vacation." It zoomed in on Tweety. And it showed his face. The voice of Bugs Bunny in the background suddenly shouted "DUCK SEASON FOREVER!!"

It cut to a black and white video. It was silent, except for random beeping noises. And by silent, all you could hear was a film projector running. It showed a clip from the Holocaust. The beeping sounds got louder. It then cut to a screencap of Adolf Hitler in World War II. What followed was the most ear-piercing, loudest sound that I have ever heard in my life. It wasn't like a scream, but a really messed up beeping sound that was louder than any human could hear. My ears sometimes still ring from that, that is how bad it was. In fact, I'm lucky I am not deaf. Then it faded to black.

It faded to Bugs Bunny. The background music sounded like Raymond Scott's "Powerhouse" playing in reverse. The video quality wasn't very good, so I couldn't see what was really going on. There were about 500 birds in a gigantic circle chanting "DAFFY, DAFFY, DAFFY". Bugs then smiles and jumps into the water. The video quality suddenly improves. It shows Daffy's feathers burning. He looked at me and proclaimed, "You did this to me", before his feathers got burnt to ashes leaving him naked. It cut to the Pink Panther scratching a chalkboard making ear-piercing sound effects. Then there was Sylvester devouring a bucket of fried chicken. It showed mutiple colored panthers eating pizza pies, junk food, and drinking soda. I began to wonder how this was an episode of R&S.

The scene changed back to Ren and Stimpy back at their house. "I need my powdered toast", exclaimed Stimpy. "Well hurry up", said Ren in an angry voice. While searching, Sylvester replied "Were you looking for this?". while holding the Powdered Toast can. "It's empty anyways and I'm always hungry" You could hear the laughs as Ren goes on his voilent action by killing Piccolo. To make a long story short, he didn't.

It cut to a nude swimming pool area. It showed Sailor Moon nude and Ren both on all fours, drinking water from a glass. They began to take a dip in the water. It was silent, and neither they said anything. This relaxing scene went for half a minute. After a while, Ren spoke.

"So, how is your day going."

Then, Sailor Moon replied "Horny". Ren said "Then let's have some casual sex so I can have a Weekend Pussy Hunt!". Ren then masturbates her while in the pool. You could hear the "DAFFY" chanting from earlier as this was going on. It cut to Sylvester shouting "STAND UP YOU CATNIP SH*T". "I want my lemonade" he cried. Shin-Chan was drinking a glass of lemonade, And whispering of Stimpy's voice. "Who's the pitcher, who's the catcher!??" followed by Stimpy sleeping in his bed with Sylvester. It faded to pitch black for 20 seconds.

Suddenly, a face came out from the shadows. It was a terrifying figure that looked like Piccolo. His eyes were bulging out, and he had a big smile on his face. He opened his mouth and let out the ear-piercing sound I had heard from the Thomas scene. After that, it remained black for 30 seconds.

Another Title Card read: "Naked Shower Frenzy"

It showed Sailor Moon going into a bathroom to turn on the shower. What's obviously weird is that her naked body is shown in this episode. In the next scene, The Pink Panther, Sylvester and Stimpy are seen in the front yard. He has a list of his plans to do today. The plan chart says: mow the lawn in the football field, clean the swimming pool, pick up the litter to put it in the trash and recycle, clean the bathrooms, and make sure there's soap in the dispensers.

They agree with his plan and they start doing everything on the plan chart. A time card pops up saying "Almost 2 hours later." Sylvester and Stimpy come back from all the chores they did. But there was one more thing. They turned off the hot water supply. Sailor Moon is seen putting her face in the shower water. Suddenly, The water for some reason turns off. Sailor Moon said "Hey!" She carries out a brush and bangs the shower head 3 times until it starts up again. She starts bringing out a bar of soap and starts rubbing her body. The camera then pans to Sylvester and he says. "Well guys. She turned the hot water back on herself."

Sailor Moon turns off the shower and comes out of the bathroom without a towel. She gets a glass of lemonade and some pretzels and sits on the couch while being naked. Sylvester starts looking through the window. He pulls out a camera and takes a picture. Sailor Moon's parents come back from the grocery store. Her father notices that Sailor Moon was naked while all alone. He screams out, "Usagi! Why were you naked while home alone?" Sailor Moon starts walking up to her room and puts on her clothes. Her father says "That's better. Now don't do it again!"

The episode ended in a Looney Tunes ending card, with the characters smiling at the audience along with a sign reads “That’s It Folks!”. Then it showed the end credits. It played the theme tune and It was white text scrolling on a black background. I recognized the names of the people in the credits who were involved with the show like John K. while the others were not. The copyright date was 1995, and at the end was a dedication saying: "R.I.P. Isadore "Friz" Freleng (August 21, 1906 – May 26, 1995)

The screen remained black until it stopped after 4 minutes. the tape finally ended.

I reported this episode to John K. (the creator of Ren and Stimpy) and two weeks later, I got an email which said:

"Dear Reader,

''Thank you for taking the time to type this email. I am so sorry about the WTF episode you watched, That episode was created by a Sailor Moon fan. He forced me to create an episode which featured Sailor Moon's naked body in a R&S Episode. But Nickelodeon couldn't air the episode due to the content.''

''Back in 2005, I received a package from an unknown person. So I decided to sell it to Ebay to see if I could get a report from someone. But, I was trying not to be rude to you. I would have never made an episode of R&S inappropriate than the Adult Party Cartoon. So thank you for writing this to me.''

Best Wishes,

Michael John Kricfalusi."

So, I decided to hide the tape in a safe.

And That's The End!