SYNECDOCHE NEW YORK LOST EPISODE

Introduction
SO UHHHHHH UMMMM HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THIS PLACE CAllED GAMESTOP??? IF YOU HAVE NOT, DO NOT WORRY!!!! IT IS ACTUALLY WHAT HELL IS LIKE!!!! SO YEAH I AM AN ADMINISTRATOR AT THE SWEATSHOPS OF GAMESTOP OR SOMETHING!!!!!! I LOVE WHIPPING THE LITTLE SLAVES WHEN THEY DON'T DO THE WORK!!!!! SO ONE DAY I WAS PERUSING THE MASSIVE SELECTION OF GAMESTOP DIGITAL VERSATILE DISCS WHEN I CAME ACCROSS ONE GAME I HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE!!! IT WAS CALLED "SYNECDOCHE NEW YORK"!!! HOLY SH*T I LOVED THAT SHOW AS A CHILD!!! I LOVED WATCHING IT WITH MY MOTHER AND FATHER!!!! I DID NOT KNOW THAT THEY MADE A GAME OUT OF HIM!!! I PLOPPED THAT EXCELLENT QUALITY GAME ONTO THE STORE COUNTER!!! I ASKED "HOW MUCH IS THIS!!!" THE STORE GUY LOOKED AT THE DISC AND SAID IT WAS 60 DOLLARS!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! WHY IS IT SO OVERPRICED I YELLED!!!! "THAT IS THE SAME PRICE AS ALL THE OTHER USED GAMES!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???"" THAT WAS SO HORRIFYING THAT MY EYES EXPLODED!!!! BLOOD GUSHED EVERYWHERE I'M TELLING YOU IT WAS LIKE A LITERLA SEA OF BLOOD!!!! "ARE YOU GOING TO BY THE FUCKING GAME OR WHAT!!!!" SAID THE CLERK!!! I PUT DOWN MY 2 DOLLARS AND LEFT THE STORE!!!! IT WAS VERY ODD THAT THE GAME WAS SO INEXPENSIVE BUT OH WELL??? SO NOW I AM BACK HOME AND I TAKE OUT MY ANCIENT VHS PLAYER AND POP THE DISC IN!!!! THE PROBLEM IS IS THAT IT TOOK LIKE 2 TRIES TO GET THE THING WORKING!!!! DAMN IT I YELLED I HATE MODERN TECHNOLOGY!!!! FINALLY THE DISC WORKED AND I WAS AT THE MAIN MENU!!!!!

The Menu
The menu was qquite odd. On the menu there was a picture of the famous actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman embracing and having sexual intercourse with the director of the show, Charlie Kauffman. I thought that was quite odd. You may call me a gay hater but I vomitted immediately. After whiping myself up I pressed the options menu. There was only one option: WIDESCREEN or 4:1. I thought that was quite odd. What the heck is 4:1? It sounded absolutely terrifying. I started quaking in my boots. After doing some research I found that this aspect ratio was only used by one other film, some french film or something. I hate those baguette eating fuckers, so this was very scary to me. I turned on 4:1 and proceeedd to press play on the show.

The Film
The show started like it usualy did. Filipino Huffman's character Caden Cotard appeared on the screen and started doing a very wacky dance. I orgasmed from childhood nostalgia. The theme song, called "Little Person", started playing in all its upbeat joy. However, what was weird was that the song was NOT upbeat. Instead of being in a very upbeat sounding D# minor, it was instead in G#! That was absolutely horrific to me, how they changed a minor key song into a major key one. I started quaking in my feet. The lyrics were also different. Instead of going like "S-S-S-SYNECDOCHE!" the lyrics were about the insignificance of the narrator in the general scheme of the universe, and hoping that one day they may find another person who is just as insignificant as them so their life can be complete??? That was really odd. It was also extended from 30 minutes to 4 minutes! I can't believe that an intro could go on for so long! I nearly died of old age before the actual show started. The film starts with the character Cadence Bogart waking up from his bloody skeleton bed. Classic set up, you know Then Casper brushed his teeth and shaved his face. Suddenly the sink exploded. Creedence Clearwater Revival started bleeding hyper-realistically everywhere. That was very odd. Even though the show was live-action, it had never showed blood before!

The next scene of the film showed him talking to his wife A Dell. His daighter Olivia was playing outside in the mansion courtyard. Succendly his wife Bell Packard started screaming about how Carmichael was not a good husband and that he would burn in Hell; for not believing in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Indeed she was right, stay in Church my children. This was not scary at all, I thought. I thought that this was supposed to be a horror show not a slice of life comedy. Then Orange came in from the mansion courthard and said that there was a giant goddamn spider outside. She actually said the word "goddamn"! Way to take the Lord's name in vain, you Goddamn dickhead! I went outside to investigate. There was a 10 yard tall spider outside of the apartment. "HOLY MOLDY CHEESE!!!" said Cable Retard. He was then promptly eaten. This made me a very happy human being. Never liked him much anyway! Then, something happened that truly horrified me. The spider came in to the household and started eating some Cheez Its with Hell and Opaque. That was absolutely horrifying. The spider grew hands and started eating the Cheez its with hits disgusting hands. It then had a pleasant and enthralling conversation with Gel and Oprah about the nature of existence and how our purpose in life is to reproduce and die. Luckily, soon after this event, and just before I was about to blow up from the terror of it all, the film unceremoniously ended with loud, piercing static. It was so louded that my ears exploded.

I HAVE NEVER WATED THE SHOW EVER AGAIN AFTER THIS EVENT!!!! I COULD NEVER BEAR TO EVEN THOUGH IT WAS MY FAVORITE MOVIE!!!! I AM NOW AN EYELESS, EARLESS SACK OF SHIT!!! I LUCKILY GOT MY REFUND FOR THE FILM AND IT WAS 4 DOLLARS!!!! JUST LIKE THE LENGTH OF THE THEME SONG!!!! THE SHOW WAS FOLLOWING ME INTO REAL LIVE!!! I never slept again afterward and died of dehydration and sleep deprivation and starvation 4 days later.Now I am buried in the ground and I need to tell you this. DONT EVER WATCH THIS SHOW!!!! IT WILL CAUSE YOU TO DIE JUST LIKE ME

The End :)