Sonic06.exe

It was 2006. I was only 11 years old, and I was a very big fan of Sonic the Hedgehog. My first Sonic game was Sonic Adventure for the Dreamcast, and later I got Sonic Adventure 2. I even forced my parents to buy me a GameCube just so I could play the rereleases of those games. I then later got Sonic Heroes and Shadow the Hedgehog (best game ever). Later I even stole a kid’s DS, so I could play the Sonic Advance trilogy and Sonic Rush. I watched Sonic X every Saturday morning, and I had VHS copies of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic SatAM. My brother had a Sega Genesis with the first 3 Sonic games (and Knuckles) and Sonic CD. He even had a Sega Saturn with Sonic 3D Blast and Sonic R (which was the only thing that bonded my brother and me). I even wrote my own fan fictions and created my own original characters. I remember having no friends because of my love for Sonic. They always avoided me. They never understood. All they talked about were their Super Mario games. I told them they could go suck my dick because Mario fucking sucked and was the worst video game ever! So yeah, I was a true Sonic fan.

But then it all changed… and it really happened. FOR REAL!

I had heard about a new Sonic game that would be coming out this holiday! It was simply just called “Sonic the Hedgehog”, which got me pumped! But it was for the Xbox 360, which was very expensive. Luckily, I "borrowed" a classmate's Xbox 360, but I still had no money for the new Sonic game, and no one other than me wanted it. So no Sonic game for me.

It was now March, and I still didn’t have the game. I tried to avoid any news and stuff like that about the game, just so I could avoid spoilers. I cried the tears of a Sonic-less fan.

But one day, I decided to go for a little walk. I was reflecting on my life. My life with no new Sonic game. “Was I a true Sonic fan? Should I kill myself? Was there no reason to live because I didn’t have this game?” Then I saw something. A bald man with a long head, double chin and no nose. “Come here, my friend,” he told me. I walked over to him. He was inside a tent and had a lot of games behind him. A lot of Es and a lot of Xs were written on them. “Are you by any chance a Sonic fan?!” he said. I asked him how he knew that. He responded, “you have a cap that’s formed like Sonic’s hair, and your jacket has Sonic characters all over it.” I asked him what he wanted. His response was, “I have the game you are looking for!” He pulled the new Sonic game from his ass. There were hyper-realistic shit all over it. He cleaned it with a conveniently placed sink right next to him. I was so happy and turned around to go home, but something bothered me. How did he know I needed this game? I turned around to ask him, but he was no longer there. No sink, no games, no tent and no long-headed, double chinned, no-nosed, bald guy. I could feel the shivers, but decided to blush it off and go home.

When I arrived at my home, I was so eager to play the game that I imminently opened the cover with my full force. There was the disc, but there was also something extra. A note. I looked at the note and read it. It said, “TO WHOEVER READS THIS, DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME! IT’S HAUNTED!! IT’S 2SPOOKY4ME!!! OH NO, MY HAND HOLDS A KNIFE, AND I CAN’T CONTROL IT!! AAAAAARRGGG”. It was written in blood. I looked at it for a while, but then I said, "fuck that shit" and threw the note away. I popped in the game. I remember thinking, “oh wow, these graphics looks really hyper-realistic, awesome!!! (looking back, they look pretty shit (except the opening)). Sonic looked so awesome like always, and that girl called Elise made me want to masturbate (even more than Amy made me want to). But Doctor Robotnik (not Eggman, that’s not his name), looked really scary. And then, I saw him. A hedgehog, who’s lines still echoes to this very day. “I found him, the Iblis Trigger.” It was Silver the Hedgehog. To begin with, I thought he was cool, but I had no idea what harm he would cause me.

And then, after watching the opening (which made me cum all over my Xbox), a loading screen popped out. I thought it would soon be over, but it continued. Why didn’t it end? I couldn’t almost comprehend it. My hands started to tremble so much. I started to sweat. Why didn’t it end? WHY?!?!?!?!?! But then it finally ended. I was so relieved, but then I only took a few steps, and a new loading screen appeared.

I found Tails (which is my 3rd favourite character next to Shadow and Sonic), which got me very excited. I ran around in the hub world not knowing were to go until I accidentally pressed the A button in front of an old man named Robert. I continuously spammed the A button so I could skip his dialog, but then I pressed “Yes” to something I had no idea what was about. And then, a loading screen popped out. I continuously spammed the A button (because that mentally works for me), but then the loading screen stopped and I once again skipped the dialog. And another fucking loading screen. When it stopped, there were rings in front of me a timer that went down at the top of the screen. I can’t handle timers that counts down. They stress me so much and is the reason why most Mario games suck. I got a panic attack. My heart… was pounding to hard. Sonic shouldn’t have this! NO! I panicked so hard that I went right through the rings. I beat the level on the first try and received some weird magic shoes that I could put gems inside. Robert told I could go to a shop and buy those gems. I went to the shop and bought the Light Chip.

As I was done buying things, I noticed something… odd. Tails was spazzing out right between the road and the footway. It was really freaky, but I didn’t think much about it. But then… It happened. I was near the water, when Tails suddenly committed suicide! He jumped into the water and killed himself. I was so shocked. Why would Tails kill himself? Was there something he tried to run from? I tried to shake it off and move through the trail of rings, but as I was doing that, Sonic just stopped and committed suicide as well! That was when I put down the game and went to bed.

As I tried to sleep, I was transported to another world. A dream maybe? Perhaps. But still, it felt so real. I saw Tails. He looked at me, really sad. He then said, “goodbye, (insert name here)” and jumped into the water, killing himself in the process… “NO!” yelled Sonic behind me as he rushed down to save Tails, only to fall into the water as well. He couldn’t swim of course, so he gasped and screamed after me. “Help me! SAVE ME!” I couldn’t do anything other than look at him. Sonic drowned, slowly and painfully. “Long time no see, huh?” I looked beside me, and there he stood. Silver the Hedgehog. He looked at were Sonic drowned as I did, but it was I he talked to. Then he turned his head towards me and said “And it wouldn’t be the last, my pray”. I woke up, sweating. I didn’t know what happened, but I knew one thing. No Sonic game was ever bad, EVER! I had to play this game again.

I played the game some more, and I finally saved Elise from Dr. Robotnik. I became so happy, but the following scene… was weird. Seeing this scene with Elise and Sonic just… felt weird. I could feel a very strange thing inside my stomach. It rumbled, but I decided to blush it off. After that scene, I made it back to the town when suddenly, Silver appeared. “I’ve been looking for you. You’re the Iblis Trigger! Your actions will condemn us all!” My actions… would condemn everybody? And then, a fight popped up. He continued to grab me and throw me around. Luckily, I always grabbed at least one ring after he threw me. However, that luck would become unlucky. Silver threw me right into a wall, and as soon as I hit the wall, I automatically grabbed my only ring. However, as soon as I got the ring, Silver would once again throw me into the same wall, and I would once again grab my ring, only for him to continue to throw me into the same wall again, repeating the process. I waited 3 hours for him to stop, but he never did. I felt it again, the rumble inside my stomach. It was worse now, and I started to feel sick. It was late, so I went to bed hoping my sickness would be gone the next morning.

When I was in my bed, I was once again transported to the same world as before. However, it was the grassy area from that weird scene with Sonic and Elise. I couldn’t see them anywhere, but I suddenly heard their voices. They were laughing and making some weird noises. I followed the voices to a lake were I could see them. It looked like they were hugging from what I could tell, but then I looked beside them and saw Sonic’s shoes and Elise’s dress. I turned around and ran away as fast as I could. “How can this happen?!” I asked myself. How? After running for what seemed like an eternity, I was back in the town. I was so frightened. I could hear a voice. It was Sonic’s voice. He yelled and sounded like he was in pain. I rushed towards him, only to see the torture of Sonic. He was thrown into a wall, grabbed his last ring, was thrown into the wall again, grabbed his last ring again, repeat. I could hear the pain in Sonic’s voice, begging for mercy. “It’s no use! Take this!” said the voice of Sonic’s punisher. Silver. As I watched Sonic’s slow torture in horror, the rumble in my stomach became worse and worse. And then, Silver stopped, and Sonic fell on the floor, dead. Silver turned his head towards me. “You… Your actions will condemn us all. I have to kill you, mercilessly.” His words scared me so much. I could feel the rumble in my stomach getting much more worse. It got so bad I immediately wrapped back to my bed, jumped out of my bed, ran into the bathroom, opened the toilet and puked so hard into the toilet. It felt so bad and disgusting, yet at the same time relieving. I looked down into the toilet, but to my horror, it was not puke, but hyper-realistic blood. I went into bed again, not telling my parents, if they should get rid of the game. I was a true Sonic fan, so I had to beat it. It was my duty to beat the game.

It has taken me two months to beat the game. After I finished Sonic’s story, after I finished Shadow’s story, and after I finished Silver’s story, I made it to the real ending. It was very hard to play Silver’s story because of what happened before, but I had to do it. I was ready to beat the final boss. I was ready to beat the game. But then, Sonic died. I thought I was having a bad dream. It really couldn’t be true. But no, it wasn’t a dream. But it wasn’t over, since I should just collect all the Chaos Emeralds, which could bring him back to life (come to think of it, what actually happened with the idea of Chaos Emeralds being special?). But when I collected them all, something terrible happened… Elise kissed Sonic and he turned into Super Sonic! At that moment, I thought, “okay, let’s just finish this shit now”. So I did that. I beat the game and had done my duty. But as soon as I turned off my Xbox, I became very dizzy. And then, I fell on the floor.

When I woke up, I was strapped to a rolling hospital board with four people carrying it. I didn’t understand what happened. I tried to get out, but I was to tightened to the board. I started to yell, but not with words, just a loud sound. “Don’t worry my friend, we’ll try our best to save you”, said one of the doctors. But then, another doctor responded with three words. Three words. Those… three… words… “It’s no use!” I looked over at him. His face changed into Silver’s face. It looked so hyper-realistic. I could feel the hatred inside me. I started to shake a lot, so I could free myself from the straps, but it was no use (fuck). I tried again more aggressively, and I wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t keep the words out. “You… you… YOU!!!” Silver looked at me confused. “YOU KILLED SONIC!!!!! YOU KILLED MY HERO!!!! I’LL DESTROY YOU!!!!” Silver became very frightened. “Holy shit what do we do?!” Silver asked the first doctor. I looked over at him as well, and then the doctor turned into Elise. The hatred became more powerful. “YOU!!!! YOU FUCKED MY HERO YOU HOE!!!!” Elise looked as frightened. “Hurry up! We’re losing him!” I moved more and more aggressively and yelled even louder. I even screamed so loud, that my blood started to fly out of my mouth. “We can’t make it!”, “We’re losing him!”, “What is even wrong with him?!”, “What the fuck is going on?!?!”. The light started to slowly disappear. “SONIC!!! HELP ME!!!!” But Sonic never came. He betrayed me. My hero... betrayed me… Tails betrayed me… Knuckles betrayed me… Everybody betrayed me! “UUUUUUUUAUAUAUAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH” I yelled. And then, the light went out.

And that’s what I remember from that day. When I came home after a year of isolation, I threw my Xbox into the trash can as well as the game and all my other Sonic games and Sonic stuff. I was so depressed. I had no games to play now. What now? Three days later, my brother came home with a present for me just to cheer me up. It was a Nintendo Wii with… Super Mario Galaxy. At first, I threw the game and the console at his face, but after forcing me, I played the game. And actually… the game was incredible. After I beat Super Mario Galaxy, I went out and found a used copy of Super Mario Sunshine for my GameCube, and when I beat that game, I went out and bought the brand new Super Mario Galaxy 2 in 2010. Then 2013 came, and I bought my very own Wii U and a copy of Super Mario 3D World with my very own money. And after I beat 3D World, I bought the older Mario games on the Virtual Console.

Now it’s 2017. I’m 22 years old, and I’m eagerly anticipating Super Mario Odyssey for the Nintendo Switch. I haven’t touched a Sonic game ever since Sonic 06’, since playing another bad Sonic game would kill me. I’m not even joking, the doctors actually told me I would die playing another bad Sonic game. But yet, the new Sonic game “Sonic Forces” actually looks kinda interesting in my opinion. However, I have no money or a Switch at the time of writing this since they are so damn hard to find. But I did buy a game for my Wii U just to maybe get back into Sonic again. I’ve heard from many people that Sonic became good again with Colors from 2010 and Generations from 2011, so I think that this Sonic game would be good. I’m not that fond of the redesigns though. Like, why are Sonic’s legs so long, or why does he have bandages on his arms, or why are his arms even blue now? Oh well, I think it’ll be fine. Well, time to turn on my Wii U and say hello to my old Hedgehog.