Jeff The Killer... In Da Hood!

"Help! Police! Catch that there killer!"

"Try it, I dare you," muttered Jeff as he swiftly dashed away from the man lying in a pool of blood. He chuckled as he heard the blaring of a police car growing ever closer in the distance, as this was his signal to get outta there. Jumping over an empty green garbage can, Jeff turned into an alleyway between a Starbucks and Whole Foods, running impossibly fast, as his status as a Mary Sue granted him this privilege. Popping out the other side, and scanning the road for any sign of the police, he casually strolled out of the alleyway, sitting for a second to collect his breath on a gleaming park bench. "Maybe," he thought to himself, "I should lay low for now. But where do I go from here?"

"THERE HE IS! The one with the white hoodie stained in blood and girly hair!" blared a rotund officer through a megaphone.

"Damn!" Jeff spun around and saw a brigade of police cars, sirens blaring, headed straight at him. Making a run for it into yet another alley, this time in between a yoga center and a Pottery Barn, "For what contrived, plot-moving reason did I not see those cunts?!", he thought as he continued to run through the ever darkening sidewalks, covering distant miles of running, before reaching a large sign smack in front of him.

"The city of Compton welcomes you?" Jeff read aloud, before distantly hearing sirens and jogging in.

With the faltering and eventually dead silent sirens becoming distant, Jeff eyed his new surroundings, gazing at every liquor store and living complex riddled with colourful writing. Walking aimlessly, Jeff turned 360 degrees, carefully eyeing his surroundings in awe, and walked ever slowly. Suddenly, Jeff, without looking, stumbled carelessly into whom he, as he stood back up, realised was a 6'2" wall of human muscle wearing a white shirt with a red box, multiple golden chains, and pants or shorts at least 2 sizes too large. Thinking quickly, Jeff began to monologue "Ah-ha! I've been looking for a victim!", before hearing "Watch where you going, white boy!" and feeling his entire stomach region be hit by a train. Toppling back down, Jeff growled, "Heh... You don't know who I am, do you?", and began to unsheath his knife, still red. "Oh you pulling a knife on me, boy?!" the man said before pulling out a glock, at which point Jeff's eyes widened. He dropped the knife and bolted at mach speed, hearing pops behind him and shouting "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK".

Minutes later, having felt nor heard any signs of the man, Jeff spotted a living complex with multiple lit windows. "Perfect!" he thought, shuffling into an alleyway and scaling the fire escape speedily. Soon, on the 6th floor, he spotted an open window and inside the home, a chubby man was passed out in front of a box TV displaying static. "Too easy," Jeff chuckled, slowly sliding the window open and slithering in. He took meticulous, calculated steps towards his soon to be victim, and began to straddle his victim, holding his now crusty knife in his hand in preparation for a good stabbing, before noticing a barely visible M9.

Before he could say "fuck", a slim, golden-skinned woman swung the front foor open and shouted "AW HELL NAW DEANDRE" upon seeing Jeff atop the sleeping man, who was now wide awake and in full realisation of what was going on. "Baby, it's not what you think!" the man shouted, before the woman lunged at him and Jeff with the fury of a starved tiger seeing a steak. "THE FUCK YOU MEAN IS NOT WHAT I THINK?! BOY YOU THINK I'M STUPID!?" she shouted, beating Jeff and the man with what Jeff felt to be a skillet.

Seeing the crazed woman stopping to breathe in sobbing rage and the now unconscious man completely demobilised in a slump, Jeff made a crawl for it, almost reaching the window before feeling the fury and scorn of a hard skillet meet his backside multiple times, as the last words he heard before seeing black echoed in his mind.

"BITCHASS HOE, I HOPE YOU DIE"