Man and Monkey

'''Man and Monkey '''

Joel is streaming one late night. He had just altered the computer's appearance, with a pixely Slipknot wallpaper and a pinkish interface with the infamous Comic Sans as the primary font. He goes to Google.

"...Yes, um...uh...Oh, wait, I know!" He says as he has a brainstorm. He had done this while destroying Windows 98, he can do it at this moment just as easily. He enters 'slayer midi' and goes to the first result: The site known as .com.

"I was on this site before." he says, referring to the Windows 98 stream. "Let's see if we can get some good MIDIs." He clicks the MIDI link and snorts.

"Let's see, uh...Let's listen to some MIDI Slayer." He sees and clicks "Raining Blood".

"Yes. Absolutely, absolutely." He says with a tint of glee. The download box appears and he clicks "Open".

"Yes, bring on that Microsoft wave synth!" Windows Media Player appears and it begins the song. "Yes. Give me it."

He skips to a upbeat part of the song.

"Alright. Now we're hardcore. Surfing the internet like a boss!" Joel listens to the song for a bit. "MIDIs. The music of the future." He jokes. He opens Firefox again and he snickers as the music plays. He chuckles. "Jesus..." He listens to it more and turns up the volume a bit.

"It's fucking Doom." He says vulgarly and turns the volume down again. "Alright, now that we got that, we should probably get some Bonzi Buddy. Y'guys ready?" He says, about to download what is going to be his nemesis. He types in 'bonzi buddy' in the Google toolbar.

"Let's see if Bonzi Buddy's still active..." He says, about to obtain one piece of his snowball effect plot. He snickers as he passes by the "Bonzi Buddy" article on the Malware Wiki, being one of the search results.

"Let's see if we can download this monstrosity..." He sees that the site is Angelfire. "Angelfire, yes! Christ, yes..." He clicks the link. "Mm-hmm. Bring it on. Bring it on, bitch!" He sees several ads. "Yes, infect me with all of your garbage." He sees a few. "Okay..." He checks the Firefox windows and sees that Angelfire shows a 404 page."

"Oh, it's 404, damn it. Fuck me." He sighs. "Alright..." He types into the Google toolbar again, entering "bonzi buddy info".

"I think there's a page for it..." He says, scrolling through the results. "I like this tuba." He says, commenting on the music. He suddenly remembers the page name. "Oh, wait a minute." He types in " bonzibuddy.info", as the solo begins to play in the song. "Ah, sweet." Joel says, satisfied with what he finds. He clicks the download link and the download window appeared.

"Mm-hmm, yes..." He says, clicking "Yes". "I mean..." He says, half-sighing. "What could go wrong?" Joel says, smacking his lips a bit. He pauses the song for a moment and rewinds. "Now, I can't tell if this is a Slayer solo or my computer screaming in agony as I download this. Take a listen." He turns up the volume and resumes the song, the distorted-sounding solo playing. He begins to download his soon-to-be-arch enemy. It begins to install.

"It's like; 'No, what are you doin'? Nooo!'" He jokes again. The song stops just in time when it finishes downloading. Joel snickers. "It's in. This shit is in." He chuckles. He leaves the "view author's site" checked. "Oh, Jesus...Oh, man..." He says, recovering from laughter. A new window appears with the URL "bonzibuddy.tk" The tab's name caught his eye.

"Naked ladies? NO!" He says, bursting out in laughter. A warning screen appears, saying that the site contains explicit adult content. "Yes! It begins!" He laughs a bit. "Oh, my God...Holy shit...Alright, we got Bonzi Buddy...and now we got...naked ladies now!" He says, laughing inbetween the last sentences. He goes to his desktop.

"Oh, man...My poor...computer..." He snickers inbetween sentences again. He fully stops laughing.

"Alright...What else, what else...?" He mutters, going to the Taskbar and going to All Programs. He goes to the folder BonziBuddy432.

"Activate the Bonzi." He says, starting up BonziBuddy3. A jungle-themed window appears, with the name saying "Welcome to BonziWORLD!"

"BonziWorld..." He says, as the gorilla himself comes forth, swinging from a vine, preparing to meet his next and last friend. "Oh, God..." He says, preparing himself.

"Well! Hello, there!" Bonzi speaks, in a text-to-speech voice. The sentences appear in speech bubbles, timed with his speech. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced."

He bows to him. "I'm Bonzi!"

Joel's eyes narrow. "Go away, Bonzi, I hate you." He growls.

"What is your name?" Bonzi says, entirely unaffected by Joel's insult. He swings on one vine, flying around his window.

"What is my name?" He says as Bonzi swings on top of the "insert name" window. Joel is never going to reveal any personal data, and he has fake info already planned out.

"How about...Expand Dong?" He says, entering the name and pressing Enter. Bonzi bows after his enemy. "Nice to meet you, Expand Dong!" Bonzi says.

Joel snickers. "Since this is the first time we have met, I'd like to tell you a little about myself." Bonzi says.

"That you should be fucking euthanized?" Joel says, grumpily.

Bonzi unfolds his arms.

"I am your friend and BonziBuddy! I have the ability to learn from you. The more we browse, search and travel the internet together, the smarter I'll become!" Bonzi says.

"I'll show you all the Beastiality porn to corrupt you." Joel says, thankfully joking. Bonzi puts his finger on his head, and his eyes rattled with a strange warbling noise.

"Not that I'm not already smart!" Bonzi says, smiling. His teeth sparkle.

"Because the internet can feel like a jungle at times, I can help you find what you are looking for, and even make suggestions as to where we should go to find it!"

"Oh, I'll show you some suggestions, alright."

"The more time we spend together, the closer we'll become!" Bonzi says, entirely ignoring Joel's comments.

"One of us." Joel says raspily.

"Think of me as your purple gorilla friend and traveling tour guide on the internet!" He says, smiling again.

"I'll spank my monkey." He jokes. "Okay, first name..." He enters 'steal' as Bonzi writes it down. Then, he enters 'myidenity' as his last name.

"When you have tasks or appointments, let me know and I will jot them down and remind you. I'm never late for an appointment!" Bonzi informs.

Joel enters other forms, entering 'satanville 666' as his address. As for his city, he enters 'fuckville'.

"Am I rambling?" Bonzi says. "Alrighty, then, Expand Dong, let's take a moment and fill out our automated registration card." He keeps rambling.

Joel scrolls through the age options. He was about to select the oldest but decides to choose the youngest.

"I'm 100...I'm...2 to 4 years old." He says while snickering. "I'm a little baby." He says clicking Register.

"Okay! This will only take a second." He says as he pauses.

"...Take my credit card too." He says.

"Great, now you're an official, registered user of Bonzi Buddy!" Bonzi says with glee. He smiles again. He descents via vine. Joel scowls, keeping a good look at Bonzi...

"...Creepy asshole..." He says, hovering his mouse around him. He then goes to his groin.

"...P...P-Oh...I guess my cursor started to turn into a penis." He says awkwardly.

"...You genital-less...purple...badly-animated...little...abomination, you..." He snarls.

Joel is waiting for Firefox to start on his further-infected virtual PC. Then a thought strikes him.

"...Where's Bonzi Buddy?" He opens the taskbar and goes to his folder. "He used to be, like...around, but...he seems gone now." He opens BonziBuddy3. He waits.

"...Come on...Computer might be slow, but you can still kick..." Firefox opens. "There we go!" Bonzi appears as Joel speaks. "Now it's starting to look good!" He searches for virus-infected screensavers. "Alright, we need free screensavers."

Bonzi waves to him. "Good evening, Expand Dong! Hope you had a nice day!"

"I've had the worst fucking day of my life." Joel says.

Bonzi starts to ramble about his Talking Add-on Module but he stops him.

"...How about you go in here, you monkeyfuck?!" He drags Bonzi towards the Recycle Bin and hovers him around it.

Joel is about to install DriverFighter, and the chat on his stream begins to spam. A MIDI version of Smash Mouth's All-Star plays in the background.

"...Stop spamming..." He says, angrily. Bonzi begins to wear sunglasses for lengthy times, as he stands idly. He chooses Polish for the program's language. While installing, Bonzi comes up with a joke.

"Okay, you'll have to laugh at this one." He says.

"No, I don't." Joel says.

"What is green and makes holes?" Bonzi asks.

"Shrek." Joel answers.

"A drill pickle!" Bonzi answers his own question.

"Fuck you." He growls as Bonzi bows.

"They only get better with time, Expand Dong." Bonzi says before returning to his standard position.

"Yeah. They age like milk." Joel says offensively.

Joel plans on downloading 'lose/lose' to destroy the virtual XP computer.

"Expand Dong! Where did the time go?" Bonzi asks. "Can't you just feel us getting closer with every new day?" He blows a kiss at him.

"Absolutely not! This is the last I see of you, you monster! Don't you blow kisses at me!" Joel yells.

Joel is about to upload his recently made YTP. A MIDI of The Final Countdown is playing.

"Alright, here's the file, guys. If you want to download my awful YTP I created, uh, it's 'tp-n3', and be sure to have anti-virus, because it's probably full of goo." Joel says. "Alright, let's destroy this computer..." He turns down the music's volume.

Bonzi, accepting death as well as all other viruses on the PC, decides to crack one final joke.

"...This one is sure to make you laugh. What did the beaver say to the tree?"

"...Go fuck yourself."

"It's been nice gnawing you." He snickers.

"...I hate you so much, Bonzi."

"And if you thought that was funny, I got a zillion more...But I'm afraid I can't share them with you, as I will end soon."

Bonzi knew that Joel had a small positive part in his mind. He decides to make a compliment, in hopes that he would die knowing that Joel slightly cares about him.

"Expand Dong. Before I die...I've noticed that you've been looking sharp as a tack these days."

Joel was slightly shocked.

"You've noticed that?"

Bonzi winks.

Joel smirks slightly. He still hated Bonzi but he accepted the compliment.

"...Thank you, Bonzi Buddy."

Bonzi felt satisfied. He would die happily, especially since he wouldn't be alone.

In the end, Joel sees a few pieces of fanart and finds several involving Bonzi. He finds a picture of a destroyed computer and adds 4 Bonzi pictures (in the pose of Johnny Crackhead) and an American flag, in mockery and yet memory of Bonzi Buddy.