Sonic.exe (a more plausible version, to some extent)

It was a nice, Saturday afternoon. Out of boredom and having nothing better to do, I was playing Sonic 3 (and Knuckles) on the Sonic Mega Collection on the Playstation 2. It was then when I noticed in my peripheral vision that the mail man arrived and put something in my mailbox. I paused the game, got up and went out the front door to see what I received. The only thing in the box was a small package. I took it and went back inside the house, into my room.

I opened the package. Inside it was a note and a CD case. I looked at the note and realized it was from my friend Kyle, who I hadn't heard from in two weeks. I knew it was from him as I recognized the handwriting. Although, it looked like he wrote it in a hurry. This is what was written:

"I can't take it anymore, I had to get rid of this thing somehow before it was too late, and I was hoping you'd do it for me. I can't do it, he's after me, and if you don't destroy this CD, he'll come after you too, he's too fast for me....

Please, destroy this god-forsaken disc before he comes after you too, it's too late for me.

Destroy the disc, and you'll destroy him, but do it quick otherwise he'll catch you. Don't even play the game, it's what he wants, just destroy it.

Please...

Kyle"

I thought to myself a few questions. One, was this some sort of prank? Also, who was Kyle referring to? Destroy the disk before "he" gets me? That must have been a joke about a haunted piece of technology. The weirdest thing, though, is that I have not heard from Kyle in two weeks. That was the first form of contact I received from Kyle after two weeks of him never responding to me. I thought he might be on to something. Also, if the disk really were haunted, why did he not try to destroy it himself even if it were too late? It would have been worth a try.

I opened the CD case and looked at the disk. It was an ordinary CD-R disk with "SONIC.EXE" written on it with a black Sharpie (not sure what brand of marker). Kyle might have gotten the CD from someone else as the handwriting did not seem to resemble my friend's. Judging by the CD saying "SONIC" and the note from Kyle saying "he's too fast for me" and "Don't even play the game", I assumed that whatever is in the disk must be related to Sonic the Hedgehog; a video game, most likely. I wanted to see the CD's contents. However, not knowing if it might have viruses or malware in it or not, I did not want to insert it into my main computer. Fortunately, I have an old laptop which I rarely use for anything important these days. I turned it on and put the disk inside. I looked into the CD's folder and there was a single program with the default file icon. It was an executable file named "SONIC". Not knowing what this might actually be, I prepared for the worst.

The first things I saw were the "SEGA" startup screen and then a black screen that had text in the middle saying "SONIC TEAM PRESENTS". I began to feel relieved as I suspected it might be the first Sonic game. I was right, as the title screen for said game appeared. I was like "Awesome". I thought to myself that someone took the game and somehow made it into an executable, making it playable without having to fire up a Sega Genesis emulator. But, I also thought that I haven't gained much from this CD, as I already own Sonic the Hedgehog on my previously mentioned Sonic Mega Collection. I decided to play it just for kicks.

For a fraction of a second after pressing Start, the title image changed and the screen went dark. Then, there was a file select screen similar to the one from Sonic the Hedgehog 3, with only three save files. The background was a dark, red, cloudy sky and the music (if you can call it that) sounded like howling winds. All of the three files' level previews were only red television static and each file had a character. From the left to right being Tails, Knuckles and Dr. Robotnik. While at that menu, I begun to think about what I have seen in that split second on the title screen. From what I can recall, the blue sky was darker, the title emblem might have looked rusty and the water went from blue to red; blood red as many might say. I might be mistaken, but the "SEGA 1991" text might have turned into "SEGA 666". Lastly, Sonic looked slightly different. His sclerae (or sclera? I cannot tell with Sonic's mono eye) were pitch black and he had red eyes. No irises nor pupils; just two red dots. There was also some red beneath his eyes, like either his eyes were bleeding or he was blushing... I'm not sure. That was pretty much it. Upon seeing the altered title image and file selection screen, that is when I realized that this wasn't the regular Sonic 1 game. It was a fanmade game.

Starting from the left, I picked the save file with Tails in it. The game froze for a moment and I heard a strange laugh before the game cut to black. That was the laughter made by Knuckles in a Sonic flash parody animation called Sonic Oddball Crackups, which I remember having watched on Newgrounds more than 10 years ago. The level title card showed up, except the oval shape was in a shade of red and the text said "HILL ACT 1". The title card faded out and the level appeared. Tails was in Green Hill Zone from Sonic 1. The music was an unknown melody that seemed to play in reverse. I had Tails running to the right like one usually does in these games. Running for around half a minute, so far this level was nothing but flat ground. The music then began to lower its pitch slowly and I saw something which made me stop to see what it was. It was a bunny, one of the little animals you rescue by destroying Robotnik's robots. I looked closer. It had some of its limbs torn off (can't tell how many due to the 16-bit graphics) and was lying dead on the ground in a puddle of blood. I thought to myself, "Oh boy. It's going to be one of THOSE games, is it? This is going to be a doozy".

Tails got a worried look on his face. As I had him move along, I saw more dead animals, dried withered flowers, and the music kept on lowering in pitch. The other animals were squirrels which were hung up on trees with their entrails, as well as penguins with their eyes gouged out and had blood on their bodies. Odd how specific species of critters got killed in their own specific ways. After running for a while, there were no more dead animals and the music went into silence. Tails stopped in his tracks as there was Sonic on the very right of the screen. Sonic had his eyes closed and was facing away from Tails, who seemed to be glad to see him. I could not move my character, so this was therefore a cutscene. Seeing that Sonic did not respond to him, Tails' smile went away and he walked towards him. As Tails got closer, I heard static which started out faint but grew louder the closer he got. As soon as the two were inches away from each other, Sonic opened his eyes for a fraction of a second, showing his red and black eyes like they were in the title screen. The static noise went away and the screen went dark.

"HELLO. DO YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH ME?", said a message in white text. Another level title card appeared. This time it said "HIDE AND SEEK". The level took place in Angel Island from Sonic 3 and it was on fire like in the original third game; only the fire looked more graphically advanced. Tails looked scared and was breaking the fourth wall by looking at me and making gestures telling me to move to the right, implying that he wanted me to get him out of the place, or something. I played along by thinking to myself "Alright, buddy. I'll get you out of here." I held right and made him run.

After less than a minute, I heard that laugh again -- that silly Knuckles laugh. Images of Sonic with his weird eyes looking at me flashed everywhere on the screen and the music then changed to the drowning jingle as I saw Sonic hovering off the ground, chasing Tails, slowly gaining up on him while flying in a similar manner like Metal Sonic does. As the hedgehog did it, he had a deranged grin on his face, as if he were enjoying fucking with the fox.

Tails suddenly tripped and fell, the music stopped and Sonic vanished. Tails began to cry. As I watched, I started to wonder: "Couldn't Tails try to fly out of there?" He cried for what felt like half a minute, until Sonic appeared appeared in front of him, smiling, and Tails looked up in horror. Soon, the hedgie lunged at him right before the screen went dark and a loud woman's scream played. There was text again and it said "YOU'RE TOO SLOW, WANT TO TRY AGAIN?", accompanied by that Knuckles laugh. If Tails was supposed to be the one screaming, why did it have to be an adult, female's voice?

I was brought back to the file selection screen. The save file that had Tails was different. He was no longer in the save box, but in the staticky television screen. Tails looked at me in sadness. His fur was black instead of orange and his eye sockets were empty and bleeding. I picked the next save box with Knuckles in it. Again, the game froze for a moment and that laugh played again. Wouldn't it be funny if at that moment Knuckles was the one laughing upon selection? Maybe not. It would just be silly.

The level title card came in and said "YOU CAN'T RUN". This level had the floor of the Scrap Brain Zone and the sky was the same as the one in the file menu. Most notably, the music here was the theme of Giygas from Earthbound? I never played Earthbound (or any Mother game, for that matter), but I do recognize the music and I saw how that boss battle went. While the music itself is creepy, why did it have to be in this game? Anyway, Knuckles looked afraid; more unnerved than anything. He looked around, seemingly unsure of what was going on. I pushed the right button and made him run. Just like in "HILL ACT 1", the ground was all flat. After around half a minute, red television static flickered a few times on the screen as the same laugh from before played. Soon, there were lots of blood stains and puddles on the ground. Those blood sprites were ripped directly from Mortal Kombat 2 and/or 3. After running right for a while, Sonic suddenly appeared right in front of Knux and there was red static again. Then a black screen with text was shown. The text said "FOuNd YOu!" (interestingly, made up of differing fonts found in the classic Sonic games), and there was static again.

I was taken back to the stage. There was what sounded like a dentist's drill going off in the background and Knuckles looked like he was panicking. Sonic, veiled in smoke, appeared behind Knuckles. I turned Knux around to make him run into the hedgie, but the hedgie vanished and appeared on the other side. I turned the echidna around again and this repeated around twenty times. Each time Sonic switched places, he made that very same laugh. Knuckles fell to his knees and appeared to be crying and clutching his head. Sonic appeared behind the echidna and lunged at him, right before the screen went dark and the same woman's scream from before played. Another message popped up, saying "SO MANY SOULS TO PLAY WITH, SO LITTLE TIME... WOULD YOU AGREE?". So apparently, whenever anybody gets attacked by this evil Sonic, they end up screaming in a voice that is not theirs? I think the author believed that making a character perform a realistic scream, disregarding if it is male, female or sounding anything remotely like the character, automatically signifies that the character is being put through extreme pain and agony. That is a piss idea.

I was brought back to the file selection menu and, this time, the second save file box had Knuckles in the TV screen. His fur was in a darkened grayish red, his dreadlocks (or should they be spines? Echidnas have spines like hedgehogs too) were dripping with blood, his eyes were removed and blood came out of the sockets and he looked sad. It was then when it hit me...

Sonic and Knuckles having a tussle? The laughter I heard many times in this game? It all made sense! After all of the times Knuckles fucked with Sonic in Sonic Oddball Crackups, Sonic finally managed to have his revenge, all while laughing exactly like how Knuckles did in that Newgrounds parody. But, that may just be a theory. A game theory.

I felt rather tired, more so as I have been up the entire night drawing some stuff and watching videos, so I decided to take a break. But, I had the intention to try to finish "SONIC.EXE" that day and see what the whole deal was. However, as I was unsure if my progress would be saved or not if I closed the game, so I just left it running with the volume down and the laptop half closed. I lied on the bed and took a nap which lasted around an hour. I had a weird, dumb dream.

In that dream, I was in pitch black darkness, except there being a lit lamp high above my head. I could hear the voices of Tails and Knuckles nearby. They made cries and said things like "Help us...", "Why did you give us to him?" and "Run away, before he gets you too..." Their voices died out as I then heard that Knuckles laugh that Sonic did throughout the game.

"You're a lot fun to play with, kid. Just like your friend Kyle; though he didn't last long."

I was scared, looking around for the source of the voice.

"Won't be long now until you join him and all my other friends."

I saw him walking towards me, flickering in and out in several directions.

"You can't run, kid. You're in my world now; just like the others."

When he grabbed me and I saw his eyes and grin, I woke up with a fright while screaming "I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!". I calmed down as soon as I knew it was just a dream. I felt somewhat annoyed, having gotten scared at that. Dreams sometimes tend to have the annoying trait where the dreamer ends up feeling/doing/saying things that they normally would not feel/do/say willingly and in real life. I would have at least tried to fight off that asshole. But, for once, I had a dream related to something I've been doing and watching right before going to sleep, which is a rarity. Usually one's dreams can be totally unrelated to what one does.

Wanting to put the damn fangame to rest and forget about it, I got off my bed, opened my laptop, cranked up the volume and continued to play. "SONIC.EXE" was right were I left off; at the save file selection menu, with Tails and Knux down, and having Robotnik as my last option. In a more normal fangame resembling a classic Sonic game, having Dr. Robotnik as a playable character would be an interesting idea, making one think about what could you do as him. But, given the nature of this game, I figured that the doctor would go through something similar like the last two characters did. So, I expected no innovation.

I selected the egg man. Game freeze, Knuckles laugh, cut to black, you know the drill. The title card came up, with ellipsis and no words. This time, I was in some kind of hallway. The floor was shiny and chequered. The walls were coloured in a dark purple, had Mortal Kombat blood splatters on it and lit torches found in the Marble Zone in Sonic 1. There was also a dark red curtain hanging above the top edge of the screen that would sway slowly every few seconds. The music here was a peaceful, somewhat somber tune played on a piano, which I then figured was the same music played in "HILL ACT 1", but playing normally instead of backwards. The music was actually quite nice and made me consider finding it on the Internet to download it into my phone. Robotnik showed a feeling of suspicion, like he knows something is off but can't put his finger on it. He occasionally did an idle animation where he turned his head left and right, and then shrugged at the player. I had him run to the right. I made it to a long flight of stairs leading downward. It took around half a minute to get all the way down. Upon reaching the next floor, the walls turned red (how much more of this colour am I going to be seeing?) and the torches had their flames changed to a contrasting, cool blue (FINALLY! A new colour). I kept on holding right to win and I found myself running down another flight of stairs. This flight was longer than the first. I swear, I had to have been running down those stairs for at least one minute.

The moment I made it to the next floor, I heard the Knuckles Oddball Crackups laugh again, the music stopped, the place got darker and the torches' flames became pitch black (admittingly, the idea of black-coloured fire seems cool). Robotnik looked more creeped out as he ran. After running for a while, Sonic instantly appeared in front of the doctor and there was red static again (is Sonic the fucking Slenderman now?). The static stayed on longer than usual. I think it went on for approximately half a minute. Slightly annoyed, I waited for bullshit to happen. This is what I got:

It was an image of Sonic staring at me, standing in darkness with only his face clearly visible while his torso and the rest of his head were slightly obscured by the darkness. He had a photorealistic look to him, to the point where you could see each individual strand of hair within his fur (someone took the time and effort to make that shit). He had the same eyes as he had throughout the entire game, now wide open. His grin was overly wide, his teeth were sharp, yellow, bloody and required a dental plan. There were also pieces of flesh on his teeth and lips. As I looked at the image, I began to cringe out of annoyance. After around half a minute, red static flickered three times on the screen. While that was happening, the Knuckles laugh played, but sounded a lot more distorted and even, as idiots would say, demonic. After the last moment of static, the image of Sonic now had red text on the top, which was pretty much one of the most cringe-inducing things I looked at since I had this game.

"I AM GOD"

Some half-witted Sonic tard turned Sonic into a monster. A pure evil, sadistic, all-powerful, nightmarish and demented monster. I already hate Sonic characters (fanmade or not) that have to be overly dark, edgy and trying too hard to be cool. But, inexplicably turning Sonic himself into some kind of evil monster is an even dumber idea. I started to have a bad mood. Suddenly, in a split second I got jumpscared as Sonic lunged at the screen while making an ear-rapingly loud screech. My mood only got worse. Right after that jumpscare, the screen went into red static again, but with the static sound being louder than before and it remained there for at least half a minute (should I get a stopwatch to time how long the levels, static and black screens go?). It stopped and showed a black screen. As I sat there staring at the screen, one last text came up while the Knuckles laugh played three times. It said "Ready for Round 2, Greg?". At that moment, I was shocked that the game mentioned my own name. Video games have no way of guessing your personal name correctly. Even if "SONIC.EXE" could read the info on one's PC account, my PC account's info has my name nowhere in it and my username wasn't "Greg". It was at that moment that I completely suspected that Kyle was in on this and was trying to troll me.

I got booted back to the save selection menu. Robotnik was in the TV screen. His skin was gray, his moustace was black and hung low (like a black man's flaccid PINGAS) and his glasses had blood coming out of them. There was no other option. Nothing else to select. All I could do was to close this stupid game, so I pressed the Esc key. However, anytime the Esc key was pressed down, a different artwork of the evil, bloody red and black eyed Sonic appeared, standing there with his head tilted to the side, grinning at me like an asshole and with his various quotes all over the screen. At one point, I held down the Esc button for around 20 seconds (didn't need a stopwatch there) just to get a good look at the image, and fuel my annoyance and cringe even further. I had to press Ctrl+Alt+Del to get to the Task Manager and end "SONIC.EXE" right there. And I did, taking me back to the desktop. I sat there and thought bitterly to myself, "Who the fuck thought this was a brilliant idea? This is one of the stupidest things I have ever seen that came from the Sonic fanbase, ever." However, I suddenly went into a fright as I had heard a whispering voice behind me.

"Try to keep this interesting for me, Greg."

I turned around to see where that voice came from. What I saw startled the hell out of me. Sitting on my bed, looking at me, was a Sonic plushie. Smiling (well, was there ever a Sonic plush that frowns?), with his black sclerae/sclera and red dots, and stained with a red liquid below his eyes; possibly red food colouring. It was not the plush itself that scared me. What scared me was the possibility that somebody broke into my fucking house. The game's noises must have prevented me from hearing any footsteps. Whoever got in might have gone through a window, watched me play "SONIC.EXE", put that damn doll on my bed and whispered to me. Going into my defensive mode, I picked up a Stanley Steelmaster Claw Hammer that I kept in my room and went into the hall, ready to bash the trespasser's skull in if I were to locate them.

I got to the living room, where I saw a guy about to climb out the window. I charged at the guy and struck him on the back. He yelled in pain and fell down to the floor. I raised the hammer, ready to strike him on the head. However, as soon as he looked at me, I was shocked and I dropped the hammer upon realization.

"Dude, calm down! I'm your buddy!"

"Kyle, what the fuck are you doing in my house?"

"It's just a prank, bro. This was all just a joke.", said Kyle while laughing nervously and groaning in pain.

"You think this is funny? I could have murdered you!

"Look, I'll explain everything. Just me a frickin' ice pack or something."

I complied, got an unopened popsicle from the freezer, took Kyle to my room, had him lying face down onto my bed and placed the popsicle on his injury. I went to the living room to close the window and went back to my room.

"Start explaining.", I said to Kyle while holding up the SONIC.EXE plushie.

"Do you know about these... creepypastas? Preferably the shitty video game ones?"

"Yeah?"

"Well... I kind of wanted to pull off an experiment. I wanted to see what would happen if somebody were to experience a sort of real-life video game crappypasta scenario. I have known about one story called "sonic.exe". Knowing that you like Sonic, I chose you for my experiment. So me and another friend of mine recreated the game in the crappypasta, I downloaded some fan arts which we put in the game, and I got a Sonic plush that I modified, which is the one you have right now. We put the game in the disk and I mailed it to you along with that letter, making it into an act about a haunted CD."

"Were you watching me play the game, by any means?"

"I have, through your window."

"You know, all of this would have been fine, except for the fact that you broke in."

"... Okay, I might have really gone too far there. I could have made it more simple by just tossing the Sonic.exe plushie onto your bed through your bedroom window, but it was closed. But I then went around your house, found your living room window almost closed. I dared myself to open it and climb through. I slowly walked my way to your room, I peeked around the wall to see you playing, tippy-toed to your bed and sat the plushie onto your bed, having it looking at you. Then it was when I whispered for you to "keep it interesting for me", as I walked away."

Kyle paused and then said in a more sad tone:

"Seriously though, I legitimately thought I was going to die, and all because of that stupid move I made... for a stupid joke. I dunno how I can apologize for this, man. I guess... I'm sorry, and I am never going to pull off shit like that again."

I looked at my friend and thought for a short while. I said:

"I have to say that you must have been really committed to plan and execute such a scenario. That requires quite some dedication and balls. Overall, you and whoever else were involved in this prank did a pretty good job, but the break-in was too much. But, since you are my friend and you sincerely said you won't do it again, I accept your apology."

"Really, dude?"

"Yes. I also have to do something in return for smashing your back in."

Kyle began to look and sound more relieved.

"Thank you, Greg. Also, don't worry about paying me back. I would have done the same thing too, like anyone else."

"So, tell me more about this "SONIC.EXE" thing."

"Ehh, don't bother wasting your time reading it. You can look up videos on YouTube of other people reading it, as well as other bad creepypastas."

"Sure, I will look them up."

Kyle then looked at my Playstation 2 and television.

"I see you are playing some Sonic.", he said as he looked at the TV with Sonic 3 (and Knuckles) still paused on the screen.

"Yeah, and?"

"Since I am over at your house now and it is a nice, Saturday afternoon, I figure we could play some games together. Sounds nice?"

I thought for a few moments and said, "Eh, sure why not?". Then I said, "Also, from now on, I will make sure I keep every one of my windows closed."

And so, me and my friend Kyle proceeded to play on my Playstation 2 and we enjoyed our day. Right before he left, Kyle told me that he was considering doing this same prank to his other friend named Tom. He reckoned that the results might be more hilarious as Tom was kind of a weakling and not really the brightest guy on the block. Regardless, I told Kyle to be careful and I wished him luck.

I am not much of a Sonic fan like everyone else, as much as I just like the franchise in general. I am more into the classics as I never got my hands on the newer games. Though, after that entire experience, my sense of shame towards the Sonic fanbase has grown more than before. Want to know something else sad? Some people would not be able to tell if the game was a programming error, a hack, or some kind of joke game... or anything really. It was definitely a game made by some Sonic fan. A ROM hack? Not very likely, unless someone managed to combine the source code of an emulator with a video game ROM into a single executable file to make a stand-alone, independently-running game. But a glitch? Piss off. Those who think that way obviously do not know how glitches work.

As I am now listening to the unreversed "HILL ACT 1" theme, I would like to make a closing statement: I watched the entire Sonic Oddball Crackups trilogy on Newgrounds recently. Specifically in "Sonic Advance Crackups", one of its shorts uses that very same woman scream that was heard in the "SONIC.EXE" game. My aforementioned theory of that crappypasta being connected to those Sonic parody movies has been further fortified. JC-the-Hyena must have really loved those shorts.

Also, do not worry about the popsicle going to waste. Kyle ate it soon after the incident.