WarioWare: NOT so Smooth Moves

I love the Wario-Ware series. I always have, and my favorite game is easily WarioWare Smooth Moves. It was one of the best Wii games to use the Wii remote, using it to it's full potential. Unfortunately, my copy of the game was destroyed by my annoying younger cousin, Jonjo, so I have decided to go out and find another copy of the game I love so much.

I have 12 Gamestops on my block, and none of them even had a single copy of WarioWare Smooth Moves. I was about to cut my losses and go home, when I was stopped by an old man. He had a worn out jacket and a large head. He had a big pink nose with a long zig-zagged mustache. In fact, his head looked almost exactly like Wario.

He overheard me asking for a copy of WarioWare Smooth Moves and he happened to have one. He even offered it to me for free. Normally, I don't trust old men behind stores, but I felt like I could trust him. It's not like I was buying crack or anything. It was just a simple video game. So I said yes. I thanked the old man and walked off happily. To my surprise, someone had used a permanent marker to change the disk's name to "Wario Ware NOT SO Smooth Moves" I paid no mind to it. Maybe the old man just sucked at the game and that's why he handed it to me for free.

When I got home, I plugged in my Wii and put the game in. The first weird thing I saw was that the the title screen, Wario had black eyes with little white specs for pupils and there was blood dripping out of them. Also, Wii remote or the game's title wasn't there. All that was there were three bold, black letters. "777" Also, the music was replaced with what sounded like an ominous triangle along with the moan of what sounded like a dying cat.

I was confused and even a little spooked, but I simply passed it off as a glitch and pressed the start button.

Even stranger was the next part. In the original game there was a wood sign that let you choose between single and multiplayer (the multiplayer part in the beginning was blocked by a newspaper until you completed campaign mode in single player) However, here, there was only the option for single player. The wooden sign looked like it was cut in half. Even weirder, hyper-realistic blood. Without any other options, I chose single player and created a profile and I chose the name Joseph (which was my name, by the way)

There was no music in the overworld screen. All there was were what sounded like birds chirping, the ocean splashing, it sounded like someone had just recorded the sounds out in the great outdoors. I selected Wario (the only one there), However, he looked a little worried. The flavor text below him also read something different. "Please... please don't do this to me!" however, I wanted to play the game anyway, so I clicked play.

The opening cut scene played like normal and I got straight into the game, with Wario entering a temple, finding a Wii Remote before being chased by a boulder. All the games played fine, except for one thing. The boss minigame was supposed to come after 10 minigames, but it wouldn't come at all. I just kept going on and on as the minigames progressively got faster. Eventually I finally lost and was expecting the normal gameover where Wario got run over by the boulder. However, I got something different.

As Wario got ran over, hyper-realistic blood and guts flew everywhere even on the camera, blood was flying absolutely everywhere, as Wario let out a piercing "WAAAAAAAH" before he died.

Then, all of a sudden, it took me to another minigame. This time, It was the bow minigame from later in the game. However, in the background, there was a coffin in the background with Wario's bloody hand sticking out of it and all the players were other major Warioware characters. That's when it dawned on me, this was a funeral. After I finished the minigame. It took me back to the overworld. This time, it was total silence and the background changed to night. When suddenly, another icon came up, this time, it was a tombstone.

When I selected it, it's name was just "..." and the flavor text and the bottom says "You did this to me, now you must pay!"

I decided, just out of morbid curiosity, to click play. This caused a different cut scene. It showed a large graveyard, before it zoomed in on a tombstone labelled "Here lies Wario" when suddenly, a large green hammy hand reached out of the ground before he began to climb up. Wario now had a much different appearance. One of his goggles was cracked, he had blood splotches around his hat. His jacket was now a dark brown and his gloves an off orange. His shirt also had 777 crudely drawn onto it. His nose was now a dark red, His eyes were pitch black with white specs for eyes and other zombie cliches like green skin and yellow teeth.

Then, a new onslaught of minigames began. They had zombie Wario standing in a field with four disembodied heads counting as lives. They were honestly kind of fun. There were two new forms to it. There was the zombie, which involves holding both the wii remote and your other arm forward, similar to... well, a zombie. And the stabber, which involves holding the wii remote up like a pshyco killer holding a knife. The minigames were a lot darker than any of the others, they involved stuff like murder, rape and even one that resembled 9/11.

Then, after what felt like an eternity, the boss came up. It showed my Mii standing in a field when a bunch of zombies. The instructions were simple "RUN"

I wasted no time and began hauling ass, eventually, the game told me to stop, so I did so. Then, I could only watch in horror as my Mii was hyper realistically torn apart by the zombie heard, blood and guts sounded everywhere. His scream even sounded exactly like mine.

then, the screen faded to black, as some blood-red, hyperrealistic text came up reading "Those weren't very smooth moves, were they, Joseph?"

What?! How did it know my name?! Then, Wario jumped at the screen with a hyper-realistic sounding "WAAAAAAH" before the game shut off. I was so panicked, I took the came out and smashed it into one million pieces. Then, in my state of absolute horror, went out and blew up Cuba.

I have been sentenced to 50 years in prison and this is simply my note to all of you, so you don't end up in the same state as me.

NEVER TRUST OLD MEN BEHIND ALLYWAYS WHO LOOK LIKE WARIO!