VENGEFUL PEOPLE: THE END

I went to the cinema to see the latest Avengers movie (Avengers Endgame) with my friend, Peter. I had never seen an Avengersmovie from start to finish, so I was kind of excited. We were at a midnight showing of the movie, but we areived an hour early so no one would take our seats. The ads began to roll as soon as we entered Screen 12. The same, usual, boring ads. (until the Key Equity Release ad came on and gave us somethig to sing along to.) It was reaching 11:45, and I noticed something unusual: nobody else had entered the cinema. “They probably just want a good nights sleep.” I foolishly thought to myself. If I knew what I had stepped into.

Finally the screen with all the age-rating and protection stuff came up, but it didn’t seem right. I then noticed the title, ''VENGEFUL PEOPLE: THE END. ''This was probably some kind of joke. Then the film started, but it was very odd. The quality was like that of a broken or old camera, but the actual movie was worse: the clouds in the red sky parted and the Green Cross Code Man descended. This was not the Green Cross Code Man you and I know, but it was an overweight 50-year-old riding on the heroic Tripe-Man! Antman then proceeded to enter Thanos’ anus, causing him great pain. The armed forces then arrived, screaming at Thanos, “STOP TOUCHING THE ANT!” They cried “YOU DO NOT HAVE ITS CONSENT!!!” By now, my ears were ringing due to the loudness of the sound. I was about to leave when a great flash of white light appeared on the screen and the Green Cross Code Man was standing on top of Thanos’ corpse, announcing that he had reclaimed the Kidney Stone. This was truly disgusting, as there was a zoom in of Thanos lying naked with an unnaturally wide-opened butt-crack from where Antman had escaped. The film then ended.

Me and Peter were so disgusted and so terrefied that we went to knock on the projectionist’s door to complain, but it was unlocked, so we entered. The projectionist was dead. We were so shocked and in such a moment of panic that we were more concerned about how we were going to prove our innocence that we didn’t notice the door closing behind us until we heard the lock click shut. Then I realised: the cinema only had 11 screens. THEN SPIDDERGUY POPPED OUT!1!1!1!!!11!1!1!!!1!