John Mayer's Hoagie Boogie

This is a true story that happened 13 years ago and it scared me to the point that i died. This is my skeleton typing.

66642069
One day in summer 2006, I was looking on Ebay for some guitars. I broke mine after my gf fucked it up as she don't love me no more but i love her. I found a listing for a guitar with JM`s signature!!! O my fuking God! I ordered it immediately with my parents` credit card. I looked at the seller`s username and it read realjohnmayer666420. Oh cool, I said as this was from the man himself. I play sonic heros, my favorite game, while listening to american idiot by billy joel before i go to bed. The next day, i awoke to a knocking on the door. It`s here, i say to myself. I open the door and find a big box at the door. Did it come with a case or something,I question to myself. I bring the box to my room and open the box to find another box with a note attached. Please don`t open this box, it read, it contains the worst object known to the human race. it was carved in the fires of h...... I ripped the note off because no one gives a shit about all this info as who the fuck reads this? Nerds and i ain`t a nerd. I opened the box and it laided there, John Mayer holding his new fender gibbson fuckyouandyofam sanic the hedge semi eletric mandintar with 666 necks. He also had a strange dvd titled any given god churchday outakes. Hello shadicototic le fuckamyshesabitchhog,he said me. How do you know my name?, i asked as shadicototic is my secret furaffinity account that uses a vpn and was made with the help of skillshare. Skillshare is an online platform where people like you are able to learn anything. Use my discount code "riptrollpastawikiitdiedtooyoung for -1897% discount. What will happen next? Will johm mayer play? What did that retarded ass note mean to non nerds? Find out next time on dragon ligmaball zzzz!

The legend 69
John gave me a weird look. "Can i plug in?" He said. "Yes senpai" i replied. Sudently, out of his pants came a wire that bitch slapped me before heading into my amp. He then played everysong in the universe. Just as he began playing something is missig in your atmosphere but there`s no such thing as another kind of green as vultures are waiting on gravity to change so won`t you tell me why georgia because we can`t be comfortable with these only hearts that work the wheel with these daughters and they can`t stop trains or take planes like hummingbirds covered in girls named victoria who have stupid mouths but don`t have wonderlands that are 3x5 times bigger than our bodies, my abusive dad came in.

"Get out of my house." He said

"No Mario, get back to plumbing. It doesnot have to end like this." John replied.

"Please don't kill him daddy." I yelled as i had become a weak girl.

He shot and almost killed john mayer but he survived and kicked dad's ass like he was gonna take me back to the past, to play the shitty games that suck ass. John mayer then snaped and destoryed the entire universe before restarting it all. I am now John Mayer and I plan to release a new album pretty soon. Buy it or the world will end again.