The Haunted K-ON! DVD

"I'm fucking sick of buying cakes all the fucking time instead of actually fucking practicing, you lazy fucks.", were the first words I heard when I popped a K-ON! DVD into my DVD player.

Earlier in the week, I had ordered a K-ON! DVD box set, intending to watch it on my TV while I sat in the living room and played with my thingy while looking at the cute anime girls. Everything seemed perfectly normal, except for when I took the first disc out of its cover. It was razor-sharp, and cut a gash in my finger. The blood seemed to have a reflection of some sort of realistic cartoon starfish, but I figured that I was just imagining things, since I was more than excited to jerk off all week. I put a band-aid over my finger and continued, this time being extra careful with the disc. Especially since I had the urge to put my thing in the disc hole, with a very cute picture of Yui being on the cover.

So I stripped naked, got my fleshlight from the cupboard, and pressed play.

It started with all the girls sitting in the clubroom, when suddenly Mugi uttered the words you see above. She said it with actual emotion, too, like the voice actor was legitimately angry. Yui gave her the finger and said "Fuck you bitch I'm trying to enjoy my snacks." Mio also joined in with Mugi's anger, this time throwing Yui out the window and pulling off her panties (which gave me a boner, by the way).

Ritsu and Azusa were clearly shocked, and decided to run as fast as they could, but slipped in some hyper-realistic tea that was spilled on the floor, and fell over into a convenient 69 position.

Then the camera moved outside, revealing a giant Muncher from Super Mario World slowly coming down onto the school. The building caved in from the scariness of it, and there was nothing but hyper-realistic blood and piss everywhere.

I was so unaroused, that it ended up shrinking back inside of me.

At this point, I was pissed off. I hadn't gotten what I wanted. I wanted to jerk off to cute anime girls, but no, some fucking demon had to ruin the whole thing for me.

I took the disc out of the player (while wearing gloves) and threw it like a frisbee against the wall.

That's when it happened.

The same realistic cartoon starfish I mentioned earlier started coming out of the DVD, with him staring deeply into my soul. He told me his name was "EVIL PATRIXXX", and that he was the true god of this world, and that masturbating to anime is the greatest sin that one can commit.

Considering I had jerked off to more anime than anyone ever had, I was completely petrified.

From then on, he proceeded to-

---CENSORED BY THE LOLPASTA WIKI DUE TO PORNOGRAPHIC CONTENT---

After the horrifying ordeal had ended, he warned me to never jerk off to anime ever again, and that if I did, he would be even harsher than before, possibly killing me.

I never watched anime again after that.