Trollpasta Compilation Vol. 5

How to Summon a Demon
Summoning a demon is fairly simple. I can explain how to do it in a few easy steps.


 * 1) First, find a computer. It dsn't matter who it belongs to, as long as it has a connection to the internet.


 * 1) Now, make sure you have a Wikia account. You don't have to use it ever again after this ritual.


 * 1) Next, get on Creepypasta wiki.


 * 1) Click the 'Contribute' button in the upper righthand corner. Select 'Add a page'.


 * 1) Write the dumbest thing you can think of. For the summoning to be extremely effective, make sure that you include several cliches in the story. Jeff the Killer is also another way to make the summoning work extremely well. Pay no mind to spelling and grammar. Also, completely neglect the idea of a plot.


 * 1) Submit.


 * 1) Within a few minutes, you'll realize you can't do anything on that wiki.

Congratulations. The summoning is complete.

You've called upon Almairage.

Disclaimer: Tables may be mysteriously flipped without explanation.==Telivision theory== Have you ever wondered how TV's work

You see Magical faries and pixies come and turn these people into mini peoples and then make them do whatever they want. AND IF ANYONE SAYS OTHERWISE THEY ARE AUTOMATICALLY WRONG WHY CAUSE I SAY THEY ARE, IT ALSO WORKS BEY FUCKING THE HOLES IN THE TV AND SHITING IN YOUR PANTS

The Spaghetti Hypothesis
You're on a train, heading for a place that is a metaphor for something that ostensibly has some kind of profound meaning, but you can't remember what it is so you look out the window. You stare beyond the new-fallen snow that covers the sullen landscape into the twisted visage of your inner self reflected in the broken mirror located in the darkest depths of the bottomless black abyss of your soul. You find this very strange, so you turn around and see a man standing behind you in the center of the aisle.'

He is dressed in white attire; his skin is an unnaturally pale, almost ghostly white. Even his hair is as white as the new-fallen snow. The only thing about him that isn't white is his eyes, which are pitch black.

Suddenly you find yourself sitting in front of an old television set the screen flickers on and there is static the man appears and you realize the man is the static so you punch the screen but then you realize you are the man and also the static so you punch yourself but you can't because you're static but you do and you die and the man haunts you as a ghost forever but you are the man so you haunt yourself HE LIVES INSIDE YOU INSIDE YOURSELF THERE IS BUT ONE FLEE IN TERROR FOR THE TERRIBLE BEAST WHO HASETH THE HEAD OF A HAND OF THE INFINITE VOID THAT IS THE END OF THE BEGINNING OF YOUR VERY EXISTENCE COMES TO BASK IN CELESTIAL BODIES OF PAIN AND SUFFERING FOR YOU CANNOT COMPREHEND ITS TRUE FORM THAT LIVES INSIDE YOUR TUMOROUS BRAIN BRING FORTH THE COW IT SPEAKS THE COW HAS SPOKEN FOR THEY ARE NOT DEAD THEY ARE NOT LIVING THEY CANNOT BE STOPPED RESISTANCE IS FUTILE IT IS YOU THE COW YOU ARE THE COW THE COW IS ONE ONE IS EVERYTHING BUT NOTHING IS ONE YOU ARE BUT ONE FOR ALL FOR NOTHING IS ALL PRAISE THE COW

Oh, how ORIGINAL! (sarcasm)
''The following story was only made to serve as an example of a terrible creepypasta. It contains errors galore, as well as cliches, and overused themes. Do not take this seriously. Credit gs to Furbearingbrick for the title.''

don't read this you will die. ok, hi i'm johnn and this is a true story based on real events so believe me, ok guys? well here it gs...i found a video game at a flea market so I purchased it and I noticed there was a name on the cartirdge named like Kevin or something. it was owned by some guy who died but he loved this game so his family decided to sold it. yes they sold it to me for a cheap price the price was like 25 cents i dont remember the details to well anway. i put the game in the console and a scary noise played like a backwards scream or something the music was backwards and the game shut itself off without me touching anything (itz haunted i tells you). ok so then I turned it back on and a small stick figgure appeared and it said &quot;get me out of hear&quot; so I screamed at the top of my lungs i cut myself with a sharp knife because we were out of sporks and i didn't get a ham slice at dinner so i bcame mad and stsartd toiugn on a rampage and i killed my parents and my dog and i forgot to take out the trash, i turned into slenderman, i looked in the mirror and my face,,,,,,, was not gone but it wasn't their! the game I bought was a Pokemon gamebut I didn'tcareabout but omg and then a skeleton appeared out of the corpses of my parents and dogs and we did the jigg it was fun but also kinda of scary but jeff the killer is my idol, I love him, and I found a haunted exe file on my cp you know it was called Death.exe I opened it up and the numbers 666 was on the file size I was scared but everything was good at the end because I took a massive shit that crapped the badness out of me ok goodbye thanksk for readying and leave a comments on what happened. bye

The Song
Dear Diary, I can't keep this to myself anymore. I can't get the DAMN SONG OUT OF MY HEAD! So, here gs. Back when I was younger, when my brother was still alive, I lived on Hudson St. in Conneticut. I was a normal child, large friend pool, 6th grade, the rest of my life ahead of me. But then, my life changed. We had a neighbor named Mrs. Jones. She was your typical old lady, keeping baseballs that fell in her lawn, yell ing at kids, but noone ever suspected what she did to my brother. One day not unlike any other, I was walking home from school with my brother James. We saw Mrs. Jones and said hello like any other kid would, but then, she sent out a pitbull, a vicious, bloodthirsty pitbull straight at us. It went right at my brother, gnawing at his leg, ripping the flesh and hair off. We were both screaming and crying. He kept screaming out &quot;it hurts!&quot; &quot;it hurts!&quot; Mrs. Jones was just laughing like there was no tomorrow while my brother and I just kept crying. A minute of that later, I gethered up all my strength and took out my brother's femur and hit the dog head on. To my surprise, it bit the bone and went straight at Mrs. Jones. She went out crying and screaming not unlike my brother's and climbed up a telephone pole. Then, the dog knocked it over, went over, and started knawing on Mrs. Jones' bones, leaving me alone. But what I will always remember is a noun is any person you can know, and anything that you can show and anywhere that you can go, you know they're nouns, a nouns a special kind of word. I find it quite interesting, a nouns a person, place or thing.

The legend of doom
Laytely I have been playing the legend of zelda orcarina of time for the nintendo64 though something weird was happening this is what happned. I wanted to play the legend of zelda orcarina of time so I went on ebay to buy a copy I found 1 copy that was baddely scratched but I bought it any way. When the game got to my house it had the letter O on it. I put it in my nintendo 64 and began to play. I eventuly beat it and I unlocked a mode called doom. When I clicked on it, it arlready had a file it was called death so I played it and all it was was link running in circles while ganondorf lauging. Link popped out of thescreen and yelled &quot;DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!&quot; So i ran up stairs and link cut down my door and I jumped out of the window and landed dead. I am writing this from hell so don't buy a game of ebay ever.

My fucked up past
First of all, - just for some background: My Mum died right when I was born, (she was actually really, really hot- but this isn't about her. I guess that's fucked up to say, but whatever.) I actually grew up with my dad's family, because my dad has all sorts of emotional issues and he bailed before I was born. So you can see, my childhood was really kind of messed up.&gt;

Anyways, growing up I feel like there was always a lot of distance between me and my sister. When I was about 17 or 18 I first noticed that my sister was a hottie.&gt;

I don't want to go into too many details about it, but basically what happened is that I accidentally found a video that she made of herself. I knew she didn't make it for me- but I thought she was so fucking beautiful that I watched it twice. I probably would have watched it a hell of a lot more, except that like right around the time I found the video, all this crazy shit went down and I had to leave home. (My dad's family who I was staying with got in bad trouble with the law. I never talk about it).&gt;

Sooo... I was totally lusting after my sister at that point. She was also having bad trouble with the law. She was actually in custody when I left home.&gt;

My friend and I went to go pick her up. When I saw her that day, after seeing the video, I have to be honest, I just wanted to fuck her brains out. Looking back on it now, it's pretty messed up- but I think she had feelings for me too. She actually kissed me right after we came to get her... and it wasn't a sisterly kiss, you know? I mean, it wasn't like ridiculously sexual or anything, but it definitely wasn't sisterly.&gt;

After we left, we all went to crash with my sister's friends. On the trip there, my friend sort of implied that he wanted to get with my sister, and I got a little jealous. He's a good looking guy- and even though she was my sister- I just felt like he was competition. Not much else happened between us for a while except some maybe-sexy hugging.&gt;

Pretty much everyone in my life at that point was wanted by the government, so we all moved around a lot. I'm not saying that I'm proud of it or anything, but it was kind of an awesome time.&gt;

My friend and my sister never hooked up I don't think- but I thought there was some serious sexual tension going on between them. It was around that time that I got really badly hurt in an accident. It was fucked up. I almost died. But when I was in recovery my sister came to see me, and out of the clear blue sky she started gives me this awesome, slow, passionate kiss on the lips.&gt;

Sadly (although, I guess for the best) nothing ever came of it. We spent some time apart... and I started to get really religious, so I tried not to think of her that way. It was actually going well for a long time- like I was totally over her. But I have to say, like a year or so after all that stuff went down, we were out sailing (not like a date or anything romantic like that), and she was wearing like the hottest bikini I've ever fucking seen and it brought back all the old feelings. Sigh.&gt;

A little while later she actually wound up with my friend from before (the sexual tension guy). I can't say I was surprised.&gt;

But even after she was shacking up with my friend, there was one time we were at a party... my friend was inside, and my sister and I were outside alone. It was a really intimate moment. I think something might have happened, except that I killed the mood when I told her that Darth Vader was our father and that I had to go face him.

The End of the World
December 21st, 2012 will be the end of the world.

The Mayans (who didn't have sewage systems, or toilet paper, or anything special like that) have told me that Slenderman shall be put in jail for fapping by my window, and then he will have us all die by popping out our skeletons.'

But what about the different time zones you say? Well, Slenderman is a hipster ' who dsn't follow basic Science.

The US will die first, then China, and then the rest of the world (except for Japan and France, because they're aliens)'

But you want to know the scariest part?..... TEAM FORTRESS 2 RELEASED WINTER CRATES BEFORE THEY RELEASED THE KEYS TO OPEN THEM!!!! OMG OMG OMG ' OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And then a skeleton popped out.

The pokemon:whitehand
oh god wow im am thinking that pokemon is not a nice little kid game anymore its like a scary twisted kid game the reason why is whitehand he is the worst thing you could find in pokemon besides missingno i feel like he is every where i will keep up with you guys but so far this has happended i was playing my firered game (i know whitehand is supposed to be in classic blue and red but i used a little thing i got hackes for firered from some website i dont remember the url but i some how got white hand in my game he has been haunting me for a few weeks know alot of times i get a white ditto (another form of whitehand) he keept on wasting my battery i one time had it fully charged and a few minutes ater it died i was confused i cant tell the rest right know but ill catch up on you guys'

The Pro Evolution Soccer theory (Winning Eleven) (PES) soccer
Konami or also known as Koon-Army made a arcade cabinet called Fifa. Fifa found out about this and sued Konami. The company of Konami got so mad that they bought 8 boxes filled with racoons. They went to the EA headquarters and dropped them all in there. The racoons scattered around the offices and every room smelled liked racoon piss.

Derp Never Dies
''HAI YOU! BEFOW READN DIS, READ DIS!!''

Jeff woke up with a start. Wait, wasn't he dead? No, he was alive. But how?' He had been stuck by lightning while attempting to climb the fence of the asylum. There had been a few seconds of agonizing pain, and then...nothingness.

He must have been dead, because he was in the morgue. But he was breathing,' he had to be alive! Maybe he was a zombie? His head hurt, as it always did' when he attempted to think hard. Gee, everything looked a lot bigger than he remembered. He felt different' too. He got up, and quickly discovered that he could no longer walk on his' hind legs very well, so he hunched over and crawled along. He noticed he also a second pair of arms. He also felt a tail dragging behind him. What had that lightning done to him?! His head hurt again. He had to see what he looked like now.

He leapt onto the coroner's desk, and looked into his reflection on the cell' phone. Strange, his face didn't LOOK any different. Was it all in his head?' Was it all a dream? He hoped so. Suddenly, Jeff heard the door open. He squeezed inside the coroner's lunch cooler and hid inside a Tupperware container full of mashed potats.' The coroner picked up his lunch and took it to the lounge to microwave it.' When he saw the huge, white, hairy-headed maggot asleep in his now half-eaten' mashed potats, he freaked out and instantly threw the whole thing away.

As it turns out, they were taking out the garbage that day, and it was also' the day when the garbage truck arrived. The garbage was loaded in and they' drove off to their next stop, Blah City. At this stop (in the suburbs) the garbagemen didn't notice that one peice of trash had fallen out of the truck,' and was now lying in the street.

Jeff woke up again. It was very dark, and smelly. He used his stinger to slit' open his plastic prison. He looked around. A garbage truck rumbled away in' front of him. He crawled out of the street, and into a nearby bush.

The next day, As Sam Unkler was trimming his bushes, he thought he heard a faint hiss coming from the other side. He went to investigate it, and there was nothing there. Little did he know that while he was distracted, Jeff had jumped onto his glove and crawled up his arm, onto his shoulder.

When Sam returned his tools to the shed, he felt some sort of tiny animal bite him on the back of his neck. He swatted at it, but once again there was nothing there. Was this summer heat making him lose his mind?! He figured it was just a no-see-um or something.

Over the following weeks, Sam's family noticed odd changes in his behavior. He had trouble concentrating, he slurred his words, his IQ dropped like a rock, and most importantly, he was becoming obsessed with potats. Janet, his wife, decided she had to call a doctor about this. But when she tried, she saw the cord had been cut. A steel IKEA spork lay by it.

&quot;We wouldn't like that,&quot; she heard Sam say, right behind her. Janet spun around, and screamed at what she saw. This...thing was no longer her husband. He now had snow-white skin, long, greasy black hair, bulging, blue-tinted eyes that stared into space, long claw-like fingernails and an impossibly wide grin filled with jagged, sharp teeth. &quot;We wouldn't like that at all.&quot; He hefted a gigantic spoon over his head, preparing to bash her over the head with it. The very last thing she heard was &quot;GO. TO. POTATO.&quot;

Written by Furbearingbrick.

Twas the night before creepy Christmas
''ATTENTION: This is supposed to be a tie up of different creepypastas, not supposed to be scary&quot;&lt; Twas the day that Jeff and Slendy finally met and every little fat kid was playing Call of Duty Black ops 2. As Jeff climbed through a window hoping to get a victim as fat as a pie

Fentan and Dentan were relaxing playing roblox but they couldn't find a 6 year old as they took a long sigh.

As usual, slender man was stalking Alex and the survivors of the Marble Hornets and using them like a crash test dummy. All slender man wanted was a friend and a 20 Dollars. Did I forget a cake?&quot;

BEN, the ghost and his grandfather, were never bought, they were stuck in a box and regretted glitching there games. The haunted cartridge finally said 'someone please buy us for goodness sake!&quot;

Edd '˜n' Eddy lost haunted episode was scary weird and plain stupid that Jeff an Slendy raced to Cartoon Network, killed all the people, burnt the tape and had a fight

Jeff found a new game for victims, ROBLOX, but he didn't know that Fentan and Dentan were not welcoming Jeff, Fentan came over to Jeff's cabin, and they had a weird fight it was disturbing as a haunted night

Jeff lost the fight and got stuck in roblox forever, but ohh lookie lookie, Lui and Jeff's mom and dad was there too. Then the farmer of roblox, John D, saved Jeff from the horribleness of Fentan. Then he saw that his mother and father and lui were alive

'Jeffrey Dahmer, we need to talk.' Said Mrs. Caroline Dahmer. 'Wut Mummy', said Jeff. 'I know, you have uncontrollable Insanity,' Said Jeff's dad. But we can fix that, and your face.' 'But I don't wanna, said Jeff' 'Yah yah, but your face is dissolving like a pill in water .' Said Lui. 'Fine Lui,' said Jeff. Then after a few hours in the hospital near by, they did dangerous eye surgery it was normal, amber eyes, light tanned skin, long eyelashes, dark hair, pointy ears, and big cheeks. 'Lets, go back home, ' Said Jeff, as he cried.' then after a few days, they were back to Topeka, Kansas. They were happily good. Well, Christmas will be here on 6 more days

The neighbors hugged Jeff, your back! Oh my gosh! &quot;Where's the bullies,&quot; said jeff oh'¦ there prosecuted in prison. &quot;Ok, thank you.&quot;

6 days later they opened, all the presents. Jeff got his own computer. Thank you! Now I know why I shouldn't have killed you. Then they had a happy 5 years until Jeff was on his own. Jeff straightened out his life. 'Man, I don't like being a killer,&quot; phew.

And that's the the story twas of christmas

GOMBALL IZ SATANIC SHOW
U GUIZ AL NO EHT AMSIN WURD GOMBALL RITE U AL TINK IT K BOT ET NO ET EVL GOMBALL IZ SATANIC SIMBOL BCUZ ANIYEEZ IZ LIK GOD SHE IZ SMURTEST OF AL AND CN PROPL UZ SIENS 2 CREEAT A NU GOD. RITE?' RITE?' AND DEN DERRICK DERRICK DA FICH IZ EVILLEST BECOZ HE IS SATAN, HE IZ TEH AWD 1 OWT OF ALL HIS FAMLI, BCUZ HEZ BEYING RAIZD BI DIFRENT ANIMLZ BECOZ O DIS I CONCLOODID HE WOZ DA SATAN DERRICK WONTZ 2 KIL ANIYEEZ U CN SII ET EN HIZ EYZ. MZ SIMIYAN IZ DA VIRGON MARI AND PENI IZ TA PENTAGAWN FUR REEZUNZ UNOWN, GOMBALL EZ JEZUZ BCUZ HE HAS ALL DA SPUTLITE, HIZ PARINTZ DI IN TEH EPISD &quot;EHT HTAED&quot; I HAD NU IDIYA WOT IT MENT BBUT EETZ PRUBLI SUM ANCHENT LANWIJ

IF U GUIZ REED DIS U WIL RELIZ HOW SANTA MAEDD GOMBALL XOXOXOXOX

Written by Boombomb.

There is no need to be upset
Their jimmies are eternal; none can rustle their triumvirate...

Somewhere, betwixt the space time continuum itself, lies a vast, desolate galaxy. This galaxy is known as the Triumvirate. To enter this realm, one MUST use a lawnmower to fly into space. Use it with extreme caution and make sure you have enough air.

After millions of light years of traveling, you will come across what looks like a crystal ball. It is shrouded in blinding light and is made up of dark matter. Three beasts guard the doorway to the next dimension.

However, many have tried this Triumvirate, and all have failed. For their jimmies are eternal...none can be rustled by mortals...

NSFW Offensive Bonus Story
HitLEr.exe

NSFW WARNING ZOMG THIS PAGE NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR SCHOOL! GO BACK NOW!!!!!! OR ELSE YOU'LL HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!!!1

I'm a total Adolf Hitler fan much like everyone else, I like the newer dictators, but I don't mind the classics. I don't think I've ever seen glitchy or hacked dictators before, though I don't think I want to see any after the experience I had...

It started on a nice summer afternoon, I was playing Hitler Unleashed (I liked how you get to explore Nazi Germany in it) until I noticed, out of my peripheral vision, that the mailman had arrived and put something in my mailbox as usual and left. I paused my game to go see what I got in the mail... The only thing in the Mailbox was a CD case for computers and a note. I took it inside.

I looked at the note first and realized it was from my dear friend Stalin (Let's just call him that), whom I hadn't heard from in 200,000,000 seconds. I know that because I recognized his handwriting, though what was weird is how it smelled; it looked how the colour blue tastes, badly written and scratchy and somewhat difficult to fap to, as if Stalin was having a hard time writing it down whilst Gaddafi hits him on the head with a trout and did it in a hurry.

This is what he wroted...

"Toph,

I can't take it anymore, I had to get rid of this thing somehow before it was too late, and I was hoping you'd do it for me. I can't do it, he’s after me, and if you don't destroy this CD, he'll come after you too, he's too fast for me....

Please Toph, destroy this Azula-forsaken disc before he comes after you too, it's too late for meh.

Destroy the disc, and you'll destroy him, but do it quick otherwise he'll catch you. Don't even play the game, it's what he wants, just destroy it.

Please...

Stalin"

Well, that was certainly weird. Even though Stalin IS my best friend and I haven't seen him in 20 seconds, I didn't do what he asked him. I didn't think that a simple gaming disc would do anything bad to him, after all it's just a game right? Girl, was I wrong about that...

ANY wAy, I looked at the disc and it looks like any ordinary computer CD-R floppy disc, except it had black marker on it written "HitLEr .exe", and it was much unlike Stalin or Gaddafi's handwriting, meaning that he must've gotten it from someone else, like a porn shop or eBay. When I saw "HitLEr" on the writing of the CD, I was actually aroused and wanted to play it, since I'm a a a a a a a a a BIG Hitler fan.

I went up to my room and turned on my book and put the disc in and installed the game. When the title screen popped up I noticed that it was the first Hitler game, I was like "Awesome!" Because like I said earlier I liked the classics, yet I didn’t have the first game? This story makes no sense! Then again I’m a 12 year old blind girl! How the fuck can I even see all of this?! Anyways teh first thing I noticed that was out of out place was when I pressed start, there's was a split second when I saw the title image turned into something much different, something that I now consider Totally and utterly sexy beyond any form of comprehension, seriously, imagine the sexiest thing you’ve ever saw, I can guarantee that this was 10,001 times sexier than that, before cutting to turquoise.

I remember what the image looked like in that split second before the game cut to turquoise; The sky had darkened then brightened then darkened again but not quite as much as before, the title swastika was cum-soaked and upside down, the FEGEL 1941 was now instead FEGEL 69, and the water had turned white, like semen, except it looked super-ultra-mega-hyper-realistic.

But the sexiest thing that was in that split second frame was Hitler, his eyes were pitch turquoise and bleeding with two glowing pink dots staring RIGHT IN MEH, and his moustache had stretched wider up to the edge of his face. I was rather intoxicated about that image when I saw it, though I figured that it was just a troll and remembered about it. After it cut to turquoise it stayed like that for about 10 years or so. And then another weird thing happened, the save file select from Hitler the Hitler 3 popped up, and I was like "WTF? ZOMG!!!!111!111 What's this doing in the first Hitler game?", anyway, then I notice something off, the background was the dark cloudy sky of the Bad North Korea level from Hitler CD, and there were only three save files. The music was that creepy Lavender Town music from Pokémon. Only it was extended and seemed to have been in reverse, this creepypasta has every cliché in the book, so why not? And the image for the save file where you see a preview of the level you're on is just Technicolor static for all three files.

What freaked me out more was the character select, it showed only Joseph Gbbels, Hermann Fegelein and to my surprise, Kim Jong Un! Now I was sure that something was up, I mean, how can you play as Kim Jong Un in a classic Hitler game, for crying out loud?

That's when I realized that this wasn't just a sexy game, it was the sexiest game alive.

Yeah it definitely looked sexy, it was really creepy, but as a smart, retard gamer, I wasn't scared (or at least I tried to be), I told myself that it was just a sexy game and there's nothing wrong with that. Anyways, shaking off the creeped out feeling I picked File 1 and chose Gbbels and when I selected and got started. The game froze for about 500,000 centuries and I heard a creepy pixelated laugh that sounded an awful lot like that Ozai guy from “Firelord Ozai Adventure 2012: Rape Fantasy Xtream Cream feat. Azula, Ty Lee and Mai”, before cutting to every colour in the universe at the same time.

The screen stayed transparent for about 10 nanoseconds or more, then it showed the typical level title thing, except the simplistic shapes were 50 shades of grey and the text showed only "HEIL, ACT 1". The screen faded in and the level title vanished revealing Gbbels in the Green Heil Zone from Hitler 1, the music was different though, it sounded like a peaceful melody in reverse. Anyway I started playing and had Gbbels start running like you would in any of the classic Hitler games, what was odd was that as Gbbels was running along the level there was no ground and a few seals for 5 minutes, Gbbels was breaking the laws of physics! That was when the peaceful music started to lower down into slow deep tones very slowly as I kept going.

I suddenly saw something and I stopped to see what it was; it was one of the Nazi soldiers lying dead on the ground bleeding (That was when the music started to slow down), Gbbels had a shocked and saddened look on his face that I never saw him have before, so I had him move along, and he kept that worried look on his face. As he kept moving I saw more dead Nazis as Gbbels moved past them looking more and more worried as the music lowers and he moves past more dead Nazis, I was shocked to see how they all died, they looked like somebody killed them in rather sexy ways; a soldier was hanged on a tree with what appeared to be his balls hanging out, one had all four of his limbs torn off and shoved up his anus and worst of all one soldier had his clothes taken off and put back on inside-out. I felt sick to my stomach when I saw this massacre and apparently so did Gbbels. After a few more seconds there were no more Nazis and the music seemed to have stopped, I still kept Gbbels to continue, ‘cause fuck him.

After a minute passed after the music stopped, Gbbels was running up a wall that wasn’t there and looked hyper-realistic and then he stopped, it wasn't until I saw why; Hitler was there on the other side of the screen with his back against Gbbels with his eyes closed. Gbbels looked happy to see Hitler but then his smile faltered, obviously noticing that Hitler wasn't responding to him, if not acting as if he was totally oblivious of Gbbels' presence. Gbbels walked slowly toward Hitler, and I noticed that I wasn't even moving my pencil to make him move, so this had to have been a cut scene.

Suddenly I began to have a growing feel of being back in tha hood as Gbbels walked closer to Hitler to get his attention, I felt that Gbbels was in danger (of rape) and something bad was going to happen. I heard faint static growing louder as Gbbels was but inches away from Slender— I mean Hitler and stopped and stuck his hand out to touch him. That foreboding feeling in my gut was growing stronger and I felt the urge to tell Gbbels to get away from Hitler as the static grew louder.

Suddenly in a split second I saw Hitler's eyes open and they were turquoise with those pink glowing dots, just like that title image, thought there wasn't a smile. When that happened the screen turned pink and the static sound was off.

It stayed pink for about 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 seconds and then white text appeared forming a message, saying, "Hello. Do you want to have sex with me?"

At this point I was creeped out, I didn't want to continue with the game, but my curiosity got the better of me when I was taken to a different level with the level title now saying "HidE aNd rApE".

This time I was in the Asshole Island level from Hitler 3: Erotic Edition and it looked like everything was on LSD.

Gbbels looked as though he was scared out of his tits this time. He actually looked at me and made frantic gestures to me as if he wanted to gtfo of the area he was in as slowly as impossible. I was starting to get freaked out by this...I mean Gbbels was actually breaking the three-dimensional rift, trying to tell me to give him tits or gtfo of there.

So I pressed down on the arrow (Aang) key as hard as I could and made him run as with the swiftest slowness that he could, a pixelated version of that creepy theme when you meet Azula at the Strip-Club as Kim Jong Un from HA2 was playing as I made Hitler trek through the desolate forest of anuses raining shit everywhere, trying to help him escape from whatever he was trying to run from.

Suddenly I heard that creepy noise again... that awful, cereal noise... like Rice Crispies after you pour in the milk, right after 1 seconds have passed as I helped Gbbels run through the forest, and then I started seeing flashes of Hitler popping everywhere on the screen, again with those turquoise and pink eyes, whilst screaming a pixelated “FEGELEIN!”.

The music changed to that Ludacris’ “Move Bitch” as I see Hitler behind Gbbels slowly gaining up on him FLYING; Hitler wasn't running, he was actually FLYING! The flying pose his sprite was making looked very similar to Rubber Hitler's flying pose in Hitler CD, except it was just Hitler and he had the turquoise and pink eyes again, only

THIS time he had the most aroused looking grin on his face, he looked as though he was enjoying the torment he was giving the poor little Minster of Propaganda as he gained up on him.

Suddenly when Gbbels tripped (another cut scene) the music stopped and Hitler vanished. Gbbels laid there and started crying for 15,000 weeks. The scene was rather upsetting to watch and I kind of teared up myself, I was so upset that I nearly cut my wrists and contemplated suicide, poor poor 16 bit Gbbels why!? Why!? What kind of cruel world do we live in!? Everything is just awful! I can’t go on! I can’t! it’s too much! The pain! Oh the pain! Oh w is me! Toph then became an emo and developed a heroin addiction. But then Hitler appeared right in front of Gbbels and Gbbels smiled in horror.

Fanta started to come down those turquoisened eyes of Hitler's as a pedo-grin slowly grew from his face as he looked down at the horrified Minister of Propaganda, I could do nothing but watch and fap.

Just in a split second Hitler lunged at Gbbels right before the screen went pink and sexy music played, there was a loud screeching noise that only lasted 5 nanoseconds. The text returned only this time it said "You're too sexy, want to try again?" and then that god-awful Ozai laugh and the cereal noise came with it.

I was so shocked by what had happened...did Hitler rape Gbbels? No, he couldn't have... He looks like Skeletor, right? Why did Hitler do that to him?

I shook the shock off as I was brought back to the character select, the save file that had Gbbels was different; Gbbels was no longer in the box itself but in the TV screen itself, which was flickering with that multi-colour static, Gbbels' expression scared me and I committed suicide but was brought back by the Dragon Balls to continue this game and this god-awful story, his eyes were blue and filled with peanuts, his yellow uniform was now a cum-stained white and he had an expression of drunkenness on his face, which I’m surprised I could make out considering it was in 16 bit and the small fact that I’m fucking BLIND! Trying to ignore it I picked Fegelein next.

The laugh came again and the screen cut to orange again and stayed there for another 10 nanoseconds, this time the level said "FEGELEIN!! FEGELEIN! FEGELEIN!”

I was really freaked out by now, I couldn't really tell if this was a porno, or a hentai, or some kind of creepypasta game... or anything really. But despite my fear of what happened next, I kept playing, ‘cause I’m a dumbass and a masochist.

The next level looked much different, it had the ground of the Crap Brian Zone, but the sky background looked like the main menu; it had the dark yellowish cloudy sky. But it was the music that creeped me out the most: It sounded like PSY’s theme right after you beat Yolo McSwaggin in Metallica vs. Bieber 3013. I also noticed that Fegelein looked aroused just like Gbbels did, though not as much, more rather he looked a little turned on, he was obviously a harder man to please than Gbbels. He broke the three-dimensional rift just like Gbbels and looked as if he wasn't sure about going on, but I made him move anyway, ‘cause fuck him.

I feel like I’ve been here before, have I been here before?

He ran down the bent, straight pathway in this colourful, monochrome level, and as he did the screen started to flicker magenta static a couple times and then that maddening fart from Hitler and The Fart Fuhrer came again, even though this is the first time I’ve mentioned it.

Then after a few seconds of running I notice several jizz stains on the metallic ground, I felt a growing sense of fear and arousal again thinking something horribly sexy is going to happen to me and Fegelein. He looked nauseated walking down this jizz-stained road, but I still kept him going, ‘cause fuck him.

Okay, I am having the weirdest case of deja vu right now.

Suddenly as Fegelein ran, Hitler appeared right in front of him with those turquoise and pink eyes and then multi-coloured static appeared again, when the static vanished showing nothing but brown screen with text saying "SOrRy aBOuT tHiS, bUT mY CaPS LoCK kEY iS BuStED sO I wON’T Be tYpiNG OuT aNy ThREAtiNING mEsSAgeS UntiLL thE pROblEM iS FixED aS yOu ProBABly wON’t taKE Me sErioUSLY iF I tYPE iN tHis riDICuLOuS FaSioN", I was now scared shitless, what if the caps lock key on my computer breaks and forces me to type out the rest of this story like that, also, Hitler found Fegelein already?! WTF was going on?!

Anyway brown static came again and then I was back to the level, Fegelein looked like he was panicking, and Hitler was nowhere to be found. And this time that high-pitched squealing from the Himmler Hill 1's final boss (The Himm-dawg) was playing.

Was this some kind of boss battle with Hitler? I hoped to God it was, honestly.

Suddenly Hitler appeared right behind Fegelein in what appeared to be a pixelated black man’s cock, I made Fegelein turn and then punch Hitler (and the cock), but Hitler vanished in black pixelated jizz before I could even land a hit, that terrible cereal noise went off again. Then Hitler appeared behind Fegelein again and then I made him punch again, and Hitler vanished again laughing. Fegelein was panicking even more, and even I felt like I was going crazy, Hitler was committing antics on Fegelein, the most legendary antic master of them all, he was playing a sick twisted little antic on me and Fegelein...

Another cut scene played as Fegelein fell to his knees and clutched his head sobbing, I felt his agony and cut my wrists, Hitler was actually trolling us BOTH.

And then in a split second Hitler lunged at Fegelein and the screen went pink with more erotic music that lasted for at least 1 second.

Another text message appeared, "So many bitches to rape with, so little time... would you agree? This is a rhetorical question btw I’m just testing to see if my caps lock button is working now."

What the hell... Just what is going on? I started to think Hitler was actually trying to talk to me into rape... But I was too scared to think that even though I just stated that I started to think that, okay, you know what? I’m going to try and stop pointing out all the flaws in this shitty story; it’ll be over much faster that way.

I was brought back to the main menu and this time the second file box had Fegelein in the TV screen, his grey uniform had darkened to a greyish grey, his hair was dripping with Fanta and his eyes were orange and filler with Fanta too, and he had a look of sadness on his face. I began to think that those are the actual characters trapped in those TV screens on the save files, but I couldn't believe it... I didn't want to believe it...

So I shut off the game and took a break. I took a nap, I’m glad I did, 'cause I then began to have the most sexy nightmare, I was in pitch black whiteness, though I was under the light given off by a lamp that hung high above my head. I could hear the cries of Fegelein and Gbbels nearby. They were saying stuff like, "Help us..." and "Why did you give us to him?" and "Run away, before he rapes you too..."

Their cries died out as I then heard Hitler laugh, his laugh... it sounded a lot like the distorted Ozai laugh.

"You're a lot fun to rape kid, just like your friend Stalin, though he didn't last long..."

I was scared and looking around for the sauce of the voice...

"Won't be long now until you join him and all my other friends..."

I saw him walking toward me, flickering in and out in several directions...

"You can't run, kid. You're in my fanfic now. Just like the others..."

When he grabbed me and I saw his Cola-filled turquoise and pink-eyed, grinning face, I woke up with a fright and a felt wet.

After a couple of hours I decided to continue playing the game. I don’t know why, well actually I do, it’s because I’m stupid and a masochist, but I had to know, I had to figure out why this was happening... So I turned on the computer, turned on the game and selected Kim Jong Un next.

I still thought that was wacky, playing as Kim Jong Un, but anyway the level title appeared again and this time it said "...rape?", which I honestly didn’t find particularly surprising considering everything else in this game has been about rape.

This time I was in some kind of Segway, didn't really look like it was from any of the classic Hitler games, though it has the pixelated style; the floor was shiny and checkered, the walls were a dark greyish purple with animated vibrators and a few dark jizz stains here and there, and there was a dark white curtain hanging above on the top part of the screen. Every 12 seconds or so that purple curtain sways very slowly, but whenever you're playing the game you can barely see it move, so it’s pointless that I’m even mentioning it. The music was oddly pleasant, a piano playing a rather sad yet peaceful song, but I knew better, this was the song that played in Heil act 1, only it wasn't in reverse.

Kim Jong Un didn't look entirely nervous like Gbbels and Fegelein did, but he did have a suspicious look on his face as if he was just a bit paranoid. He did a little animation when I just left him standing, he turns his head to the left and then to the right at least twice and then shrugs at me, as if he has no idea where he was or what was going on, I don’t blame him really I don’t know what the fuck’s going on either. Even though I was scared outta my mind about what was going to happen, I had Kim Jong Un continue onward ‘cause fuck me. He did his usual running animation (You know, when you've beaten him at the end of a classic Hitler game and you chase him) as we continued going through the hallway.

Then I stop at a long flight of scrotums leading upward, now I was aroused, even Kim Jong Un seemed turned on, though I pressed onward ‘cause fuck me, him and everyone who’s reading this shit.

As I led Kim Jong Un up the down the scrotums, I noticed that the walls have gotten darker and more pinkish; the blue vibrators are now an eerie blue. Then we landed onto another Segway, this one was longer than the last one (or at least it felt like it) and then we headed up another flight of testicles down, this one was much longer, took at least 1 full second.

And then I heard that horrid Ozai cereal noise again and then the music slowly faded until it was quiet, as it did the walls turned more dark white and the vibrators were switched off now.

When Kim Jong Un landed onto the 3rd hallway, I noticed he now looked really turned on, though he tried to hide it, I couldn't blame him, I was turned on too.

Suddenly, Hitler popped right in front of Kim Jong Un the same way he did Fegelein and then bluish reddish pinkish purplish yellowish brownish whitish greyish static. The bluish reddish pinkish purplish yellowish brownish whitish greyish static lasted for about 1.5 second and then it showed me a most sexually explicit image...

The image showed a hypo-realistic of Hitler in a bikini and when I say hypo-realistic, I mean like he looked so unreal it looked like it was drawn on MS paint by a 12 year old blind girl.

His face...oh god, he had the most horrifying moustache I had ever seen.

And that's saying something considering I saw dat image at the start of the game.

His eyes are wide and turuoise and once again crying coke (Which also looked hypo-realistic) and there were two small glowing pink dots in those turquoise eyes staring RIGHT IN ME, as if undressing me with his mind. His grin was wide and demonic, it literally stretched to the sides of his face like a thing that has a smile that stretches to the sides of its face except Hitler had fangs, VERY SHARP fangs, much like the Toffee Crunch Vampire's teeth except more vicious-looking, somewhat yellowish and from the look of it, he had stains of coke and small bits of mentos on his lips and fangs as if he tried the coke and mentos challenge and failed epically, I felt as if he was going to turn me into toffee crunch with his toffee crunch lasers that shot from his eyes, like he did to all of his victims, it turned me on.

I stared at that sexy image for a good 30 minutes, never taking my eyes off it, I felt as if he was actually undressing me with his mind and he liked what he saw... dat face, it just took 10,000 seconds for it to etch itself into my brain for good.

Then the screen flickered with bluish reddish pinkish purplish yellowish brownish whitish greyish static again 3 times, and on the 3rd time I heard the Ozai cereal laugh, except this time it sounded distorted and stuff...

It went back to the image again except this time there was the text again though it was messed up, but it was pretty much one of the most sexy things I looked at since I had this game...

"I AM AZULA."

It was when I read that message while looking at Hitler when it hit me, I realized right there and then.

That Hitler and Azula were one and the same, a monster, a pure evil, sadistic, all-powerful, nightmarish, demented monster and I was a masochist... and all of his victims, including Gbbels, Fegelein, Kim Jong Un and possibly Stalin and Gaddafi, are just his little sex-toys, and the game is the very gateway into his sex-dungeon of a world and the very bliss his victims are trapped in and I was to be his next sex-slave, yay me.

Suddenly in an actual, complete, no doubt about it, no year, no player’s name no coach, not named after the referee’s pet goldfish, pure unmistakable, unembellished, as frank as Frankenstein, as blunt as an atom bomb, simple, complete and utter fuck, fuck, fucking split second I screamed as Hitler lunged at the screen screeching loudly with his mouth wide open to an unnatural length revealing nothing but a literally spiraling abyss of pure sex before the bluish reddish pinkish purplish yellowish brownish whitish greyish static came again, this time much louder and distorted, so loud that it hurt my eyes, I yelled and grabbed my ears as the bluish reddish pinkish purplish yellowish brownish whitish greyish static screeched for a good 7 years.

Then it stopped and showed nothing but pink screen.

As I sat there staring at the blue screen, one last text came up.

"Ready for Round 69, Toph?"

The Ozai cereal laugh, now sounding more clear as if Hitler was right behind me, played again 3 times as I looked at that text in shock and confusion.

Then I got booted back to the main menu and this time the third save file had a TV image of Kim Jong Un in the same, tormented state as Gbbels and Fegelein; Kim Jong Un's skin turned a dull pink, he now had sunglasses making him look like PSY (Gangnam Style) he had a mere blissful like expression on his face.

I looked at Gbbels, Fegelein and Kim Jong Un and I cried a bit and went through my whole emo routineagain, I pitied them for the agony they're going through, they were forever trapped within the game, forever tormented by that horrid Hitler, and always will be.

Then the computer shut itself off, I couldn't turn it back on no matter what I did.

I sat there for maybe 5 seconds, horrified by what had just happened...

Hitler is the very embodiment of BDSM, Azula, he/she tortures people who play his/her game in more ways than one and then when he/she gets bored he/she drags you into the game, literally drags you to BDSM-Hell, where he/she can play with you always, as his/her sex toy....

I can't get the game outta my computer. I think it's stuck in there, but at least I managed to turn it back on now.

After I sat there for 250 seconds I heard a voice right behind me, like a whisper...

"Try to keep this interesting for me, Toph."

I turned around to see where the voice came from, and what I saw made me scream...

Sitting on my bed... staring right at me...

... Was a Hitler plushie, smiling with bloodstains under its eyes.

I then threw the doll away and had to buy another one on eBay as the bloodstains from when I cut my wrists wouldn’t come out.