Hell's Microwave

Amateur literature student Brandon Protag was found dead yesterday in his dorm room with his computer on and a word document open. This is what we found written on it.

This is a story all about how my life got flipped and turned upside down. This isn’t like other scary stories; I can verify that this 100% absolutely happened and I have to warn anyone who reads this you might come out not liking microwaves anymore… You have been warned.

I’m a devoted microwave fan much like everyone else. Ever since I was 5, I have been fascinated with them. Their capability to heat things up quickly always made me feel funny compared to the rest of the kids at school… Then again, I was always different, they even put me in a different class all on my own. Anyways that’s besides the point. My family has always been very well off so they supported my microwave fixation by buying me all the latest microwaves 700 watts to even 1,000 watts. One day I was at the flee market browsing their selection of electronics when I suddenly stumbled upon a strange looking microwave. This one wasn’t like any other one I’ve seen so I HAD to buy it, and of course by that I mean my Dad HAD to buy it.

What was strange about this microwave was, it was all black and it didn’t have a window in it either or even any kind of logo. What was even weirder was the wattage “666” that’s the lowest wattage I’ve ever seen! I got it though out of curiosity and enough tantrums. I took it with me back home to college. The whole ride there I was almost giddy to plug it in and warm something up. Boy would I regret that decision.

I decided the first thing I’d try on it was a cup of Ramen Noodles but something was weird when I plugged it in and opened the microwave door… I thought I heard a voice whisper “turn it off,” I looked around but couldn’t see a body to attach it to anywhere so I assumed it was just the wind and when I looked back at the microwave the light was blood red for about 2.9874145 seconds but then it went back to normal. I assumed that was just a quirk in the microwave’s algorithm, after all red light IS a good way to signify danger… HEY WAIT A MINUTE.

I put the noodles in the microwave and shut the door. Then I dialed a number but as I pressed start something really strange happened… the time read 6:66. Ok now I KNOW something is up that’s not how time works. Someone must have hacked this microwave to have this feature. This made me so excited I nearly peed myself. This is a fan made microwave, so I get to enjoy all the qualities of a microwave plus new things that whoever hacked it added. Little did I know the truth would be so much worse.

Everything was normal for the first minute the noodles warmed up but when the timer should have changed to a 5:66 or maybe a 5:59 it turned into this shape - | -. At first, I didn’t recognize it but then I looked closer and realized that it was a knife. I was entertained before but this is just sick, what kind of a corrupt human being could program a knife into a family friendly microwave?!

I opened up the microwave door to stop the timer and the sadistic symbol vanished and the timer returned to the normal 5:59. My noodles looked fine and I didn’t even want to finish heating them up but I knew I had to if I wanted to eat them. I was spent for that night all of this was too overwhelming, so I went to sleep and decided to try again the next morning.

That night I dreamed that a demonic microwave with a deep voice and teeth was chasing me shouting my name. Just as I got backed into a corner and the microwave sunk his black teeth into my skin I woke up in a cold sweat. I knew that before I could find peace, I had to finish warming up my noodles, after all I was hungry.

I got up and went over to my noodles but to my horror it no longer read “ramen” on the side it read “nobody can help you.” Suddenly the microwave turned on and I saw a cloud of black smoke emanate from the microwave manifest in front of me. The smoke turned into bone, then organ tissue, then skin and finally took on the shape of a human… but this human looked different from your average everyday human, he had horns. The demon-man was dressed in a red devil suit and held a pitchfork in one hand and a crooked knife in the other.

He chuckled and said, “Hello Brandon (Brandon is my name by the way) you’re gonna die fucker!” “What do you want!” I asked him, “Your soul” he said, “or else I will kill your family and fuck their corpses!” Just then I had a bright idea, I unplugged the microwave. After I did that the Devil man disappeared into nothingness.

I read the news paper the next day and I was shocked to find that the night before my entire family was murdered and their corpses, raped. I pondered the significance of this for a few days and then finally put it all together. This was an untold story alluded to but never confirmed in the Bible. When God cast out Satan, he never became a snake, he stayed what he always was… The bringer of light, Lucifer. Over the centuries he took many forms to fit in, candles, lamps, lightbulbs, and finally my microwave. Jesus didn’t condemn materialism because it was innately evil, it’s because the Devil literally takes on the form of material goods.

I tried to dispose of the microwave in a landfill the next day hoping no poor idiot would stumble upon it like I did but when I got back home, I found out it was too late. There on my desk sat the very same cup of ramen noodles. I’ll probably kill myself after posting this but right now I’m hungry and that could just be my stomach talking so I think I’ll eat this ramen.

This was the end of what we found on his computer, as a personal friend of Brandon but also a member of the FBI I couldn’t help but investigate further into what happened. I looked through his phone and I was shocked at what I found. Apparently he had taken a picture of the shit he took that day and the shit was hyper realistic looking bloody diarrhea written out into a message that read “He lives inside you now.” After that the Devil popped out of my chest and I died. I’m actually the Devil writing this and you’re cursed hope you’re ready to send this to five other people or else it’ll happen to you too!

THE END