Jeff The Killer: Interview

The Interview
The following is an interview with the notorious Jeff The Killer. We flew him into Florida to do a face-to-face interview to see how he is doing today.

KL: Kirk Lloyd (interviewer)&lt;br /&gt;JK: Jeff The Killer (murderer)

KL: Hey, Jeff! Glad to see you could make it.&lt;br /&gt;JK: My pleasure, Kirk. I've been avoiding public contact for years now, and I'm happy to be back.&lt;br /&gt;KL: I thought you regularly killed innocent people?&lt;br /&gt;JK: Don't talk about it.&lt;br /&gt;KL: What do you mean? Newspapers claimed you were a killer! Not to mention the creepypasta.&lt;br /&gt;JK: I apologize. I only had murder on my list of hobbies for about 2 months. I had recently been addicted to painkillers which, as the doctor said, affected my brain greatly.&lt;br /&gt;KL: So you didn't want to kill all those people?&lt;br /&gt;JK: No, I was just in the heat of the moment. I was addicted. The more pills I took, the worse my mental health deteriorated.&lt;br /&gt;KL: Wow.&lt;br /&gt;JK: Yes. I went through rehab to cure myself, and I soon became normal again.&lt;br /&gt;KL: You're just a normal man today?&lt;br /&gt;JK: Yes, that is true. I really regret ganging up on those bullies, and I regret EVEN MORE carving my mouth and burning out my eyelids. Look at me. I'm a freak!&lt;br /&gt;KL: It must suck.&lt;br /&gt;JK: It DID suck. Now, nobody wants to be my friend.&lt;br /&gt;KL: Are you married? Engaged? Dating?&lt;br /&gt;JK: Surprisingly, yes. I have a beautiful girlfriend named Emma.&lt;br /&gt;KL: Are you serious? You can get a girl, but I can't?&lt;br /&gt;JK: I actually have a whole fleet of fangirls just waiting to give me blowjobs. Awesome, huh?&lt;br /&gt;KL: You piss me off.&lt;br /&gt;JK: Let's look at some fanart, shall we?&lt;br /&gt;KL: Oh, fine. Let's hop onto Google, now....&lt;br /&gt;JK: No, man! Use Bing!&lt;br /&gt;KL: No, Bing is stupid! Google's been there since the beginning.&lt;br /&gt;JK: And? Bing is faster and stuff. Google is just that site standing next to Bing. Google is more common, but only because of Google Chrome and stuff.&lt;br /&gt;KL: Exactly! Google Chrome. What does Bing have? &quot;Bing Chrome&quot;? Puh-lease.&lt;br /&gt;JK: I bet Bing will have their own internet browser within a year.&lt;br /&gt;KL: Ok, I'm on Google Images. Let's see... Jeff... The... Killer.......Fanart.&lt;br /&gt;JK: Look at that! So many gals at my becking call. They genuinely find me hot! Sure everyone in my family is dead, but I have a whole new family! A family of sexy girls that love me.&lt;br /&gt;KL: I'm not so sure about that 'sexy' aspect. They're probably all fat basement dwellers who have no other lovers, so are resorted to finding Jeff The Killer hot.&lt;br /&gt;JK: So what! Emma is smokin'. Why don't the other fangirls have to be?&lt;br /&gt;KL: I just have a hard time believing that girls would find a white-faced red-lipped eyelid-missing bloody-mouthed...&lt;br /&gt;JK: *Starts to softly sob*&lt;br /&gt;KL: Oh, did I hurt your feelings?&lt;br /&gt;JK: *sobbing*.. yeah... *whimpers*&lt;br /&gt;KL: I'm sorry Jeff. I didn't mean to upset you.&lt;br /&gt;JK: *sniff* It's okay. I'm just a little sensitive.&lt;br /&gt;KL: I wouldn't THINK you'd be! You murdered your parents, your brother, some bullies, and other unsuspecting victims!&lt;br /&gt;JK: Yeah, well, yeah. Alright, I have to go back to my 5 story $1,000,000,000 mansion in Malibu.&lt;br /&gt;KL: WHAT?!&lt;br /&gt;JK: That's right! I'm rich as hell! I've got beautiful girls, an awesome home, and a giant fanbase! What's not to love?&lt;br /&gt;KL: Well, you better go. You've seen it here first. Jeff isn't a crazed mentally unwell murderer. He's actually a snooty arrogant pompous rich-boy. He made the mistake of letting all the fame get to his head. Who knew. That's all the time we have for now. See you later! (or not)!