Jeff the Killer Discovers His Fanbase

HEY YOU! YES, YOU! IF YOU MADE THE JEFF THE KILLER CHARACTER, THEN I’M GIVING YOU CREDIT FOR IT! SO THAT YOU DON’T SUE ME! I’M JUST A BROKE TEENAGER, SO GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ANY WAY! NOW I AM GOING TO MAKE FUN OF JEFF THE KILLER! ‘KAY, THANKS!

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Jeff the Killer was crawling into the window of his next victim. He stealthily glided toward the girl who was fast asleep in her bed. He raised his knife at the ready and whispered in the girl’s ear, “Go to sleep.”

Amanda awoke as soon as she felt the hot breath fall on the side of her face. She looked up to see her heart-throb, Jeff the Killer, raise his knife at the ready with a wicked grin on his beautiful face. She squealed with excitement, as thirteen-year-old girls tend to do when faced with their idol.

Jeff stumbled backward and covered his ears. The girl’s scream was like a dog whistle for him. Before Jeff could regain his composure, the girl ran up and hugged him. “OMG! OMG! OMG! I can’t believe that you’re here! I’m a HUGE fan!,” the little girl squealed as she held him tightly. Jeff managed to pry her off of him with his unrealistic strength.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell do you mean ‘HUGE fan’, we just met! I don’t know you!,” Jeff said, raising both hands and backing up, a gesture that meant “Hold the fuck up and let me process this.” “But I know you!,” the girl said happily, picking up her smart phone and showing him his story on the internet.

Jeff snatched the phone from her and started scrolling, his eyes filled with horror. “Have you been stalking me?!,” he asked in shock. How else would this person know so much about him otherwise?!

The girl giggled. “No, not physically! Someone else found out all about how you became a killer and all that and posted it online as a story! Isn’t that great?!,” she ended with a grin nearly the size of his on her face. Jeff did not think that it was great at all. It was a complete invasion of his privacy! He may be a cold-blooded murderer, but he had rights, dammit!

“Who did this?!,” he demanded, grabbing the girl roughly by the arms. She shrugged. “Beats me. There’s also fanart,” the girl replied, reaching for her phone. He gave it back to her and said ,“Show me this ‘fanart’ that you speak of!” She typed “jeff the killer fanart” into the Google search bar, went to Google images, and then handed her phone back to him.

He scrolled, thinking that it wasn’t so bad at first, but then saw the fanart of him with Laughing Jack, BEN, Slenderman, etc. He weakly gave the phone back to the girl, horrified at how perverted so many people on the internet were. “Fuck it, I’m done with this,” he said,throwing his arms up in defeat as he walked back toward the window. “What do you mean?!,” the Amanda demanded. What had gotten into him?! Was it the fanart? It wasn’t that bad! Most of it was actually pretty well-drawn! “I mean that I’m done with life!,” he answered unhappily. “I’m done with being objectified by messed-up people. I know that I’m good-looking, but that doesn’t make it okay!” He then climbed out of the window. “See ya in the after-life, sucker!,” he yelled, walking away whilst throwing a peace-sign over his shoulder.

The next day police found his body in the woods nearby Amanda’s home, his cold, dead fist wrapped tightly around the knife that he had plunged deeply into his own chest. He did always say that that knife had a special place in his heart, but he never meant it literally until he shoved the blade into it.