MENOY YO OI THE FINAL SCARE

One day last year, I was out with a friend shopping at garage sales, trying to find furniture for his new apartment. The day was bright and sunny, ordinary for Florida. When we had found all of the furniture he needed and people started to end their sales, we started driving home, when he pulled over into the yard of an elderly couple, who were still sitting by their table of things to be sold.

There were mostly ceramic statues and old books, things you would expect from people of that age, but one thing really caught my eye. On the table was a box of maybe twelve movies. I started digging through them, seeing mostly uninteresting titles starring Tom Hanks, my least favorite actor. I was about to walk back to the truck when I noticed that one tape said “MENOY YO OI The Final Scare.” My heart started racing with excitement, seeing as how I had never seen this episode, and the fact that I had assumed this show had completely disappeared. I asked the price of the tape, and the old man said he’d take ten cents for it. He had no use for it since his grandkids were all grown and never watched the tape. At the time, I didn’t notice his odd tone of voice.

When my friend and I had returned to his new apartment, I insisted that we procrastinate on unloading the new furniture so we could watch the tape. He agreed, and put the tape into the built-in VCR on his small television.

The episode started with ten seconds of static, then cut to the CAR-NI-VAL. In place of the NOT normal dark colors of the beloved cartoon were almost painfully vivid hues, the most prominent of which was a disturbingly realistic blood red, splattered over the trash and soaking into the dirt, the texture of which was more carefully drawn than normal. The soft sound of static continued in the background while the camera slowly zoomed in toward the washing machine, which was now dented, scratched, and splattered with small bits of brain matter. I cringed at the appearance of the familiar dump that had been warped to look so horrific.

When inside the Doodel academy, most seats were empty, except the spots where Pepe the frog, Freddy Freaker, and DoodleBob were sitting. I LIKE TRAINS KID, the obnoxious ASSHOLE from the episode “The Red D*ldo” was f*cking around, angry bastard, looking as though someone had stabbed him in his left wing. The Fat controller looked up at the bastards with hyper-realistic eyes, his red penis twisting into a horrid bong shape. He held up a single KFC chicken finger.

“Tonight”, he pissed, ”you will perform ONE FINAL SCARE. A scare so horrifying that it will be your last. You must complete it soon, like our fallen brethren have already done.” He looked at the ceiling, and paused for maybe thirty seconds. “Go. Now. Now. NOW!” He screamed.

The scene then cut to black for about a minute, then slowly brightened to reveal the four monsters hiding in an alley, malice in their eyes. DoodleBob picked up Pepe the frog, throwing him out of the alley, under a bus, a look of genuine shock on his face. Photorealistic blood splattered over the front of the bus and the streets as I watched my favorite character die, his eyes rolling to the feet of a small child, who began to sob LIKE A BITCH!. The blood on the windshield caused the bus to swerve, hitting a young family and smashing them against the side of a large building as the remaining three monsters remained hidden in the alley, chuckling in an unnerving, demonic manner. “Freddy Freaker, you next!” DoodleBob screeched enthusiastically.

Freddy Freaker then DANCED TO HIS SONG to the center of a group of people that looked like obese street mimes intently. He DANCED SO HARD THE HE DID ALLAH ACKABAR AND THEY ALL DIED.

The camera cut back to DoodleBob and TRAINSKID, whose laughter echoed throughout the small alley. “Shall we do the final honors together?” DoodleBob asked.

The two walked over to a young boy who was frantically attempting to help an old woman across the street, away from this terrible scene. DoodleBob grabbed on to Trainskid and he ran over the OLD PEIC OF SH*T WOMAN. “Grandma? GRANDMA?! NO! NO! NO, NO, NO!!!!” the boy was screaming violently AS HE C*MMED ON HER DEAD BODY AND EAT HER HAIR AND GLASSSSSSSSEEESS!

The camera cut back into the Doodel Academy, where a blood-splattered DoodleBob stood in front of the Fatt Controller, who had an evil grin on his face. “DoodleBob, how marvellous!” He said as the scare played on the screen. “You managed to kill all of these humans, AND trick the others into a sure suicide? This is the best scare I’ve seen in decades! ,Congratulations, valedictorian.”

When the episode ended, my friend and I stared at each other in total shock. He was shaking violently, as if having a seizure. THEN DOODEL BOOB RAPPED MY IN A BOX AND ATE MY ORGANS!