The REAL Story of Five Nights At Freddy's

The REAL Story of Five Nights At Freddy's 

A dad and son are taking a long car drive out of town to their summer home, the son asks about the dads childhood, the dad begins the story. "Back in my day, I was always outside. Not inside watching porn and smoking crack like you kids today do. I would spend time with my family. In fact, I think the best moments of my life were spent at a very old restaurant called Freddy Fuckboy's Pizza Shithole. My father would always slap my mum to pay for the food. She always did even though my pappy made all the money from being a porn star. We would sit up close to the stage, order the biggest pizza we could, and watch the band play heavy metal dubstep hip hop on the stage. They weren't very good, but my family and I loved it anyway. But, one day, everything changed. I got up and went to go to the bathroom. "Where the bloody fucking spankin' hell are you going you twat?!" my father exclaimed. "To take a gigantic shit in the white bowl in the back of the shithole we call a restaurant!" I replied. He gave me the middle finger and off I went. I sat down on the shitter while I read what others have wrote on the walls, "FUCK ME FREDDY!" was wrote on the wall. I decided to take out my IPhone, I went on Pornhub and started watching some gay porn. I was sitting on the white shit bowl touching myself to gay porn, when I heard a noise coming from the vent under the sinks. I looked through the crack off the stall door and saw Bonnie Bitchtits crawling out of the vent. I was shocked. I even shit myself a little more than I had expected. I kept watching. Then, all of a sudden, one of the toilets start to flush. There was no one in the bathroom when I walked in, except for the horny hobo with his face passed out in the urinal. I looked under the stall next to me and saw two big furry metal paws on the ground. I jerked back to a sitting position as another shit forced itself out of my ass, turning off my phone. It was Foxy Fuckface.

He went up to Bonnie Bitchtits and held out his front paw and whispered to the Bitchtit Bonnie, "Got the stuff?" Then, Bitchtits pulls out what looks like a cigarette and hands it to Foxy Fuckface. Fuckface grabs it on his hook hand and pulls out a lighter from his furry ass pocket. He then brings the so called "cigarette" to his mouth and lights it the fuck up. He inhales the first puff and makes a jizz face and says aloud "Oooohhhhh yeah that's the good stuff," as Bitchtits does the same. I think to myself "That's not what daddy usually uses to burn mommy." I feel the last little centimeter of shit fall from my ass. The two of them start moaning, I can hear strange noises from the stall next to me as Fuckface shouts "AWW YEAH BABY RIGHT THERE!". Fuckface and Bitchtits eventually slowly crawl back through the vent, leaving their two cigarette thingy boo bobbers on the floor along with a puddle of white sticky liquid. I pick one of the boo bobbers up and inhale. All of a sudden I see rainbows and Fuckfance and Bitchtits playing some hardcore metal step infront of me. Then I pass out. When I wake up, it's darker than the burn marks on me mum from pappy's cigarettes. All I can see is the still burning smoke a boo bobber... and a faint light from the vent. I get up and crawl through it. It smells like toxic waste mixed with my shit, pube clippings and me moms used tampons. As I crawl farther down, I smell smoke. Then, I start seeing the rainbows again. Eventually I end up backstage, where I see Foxy Fuckface and Bonnie Bitchtits smoking the boo bobber again, Chica Cuntnugget snorting sugar through a straw with her chicken breasts exposed, and Freddy Fuckboy lighting a big glass bottle and inhaling some smoke.

The smoke gets stronger and the rainbows get brighter. I slowly start to back away when I shit myself a little bit. The fuck tards hear it and come to the vent. I quickly back away and crawl to the stage as fast as possible. When I get to the stage I take my pants and undergarments off and run like fuck. I throw myself through a window right next to the door and pull my shirt down and wear it like a skirt, covering my dong and rear end. I run and run and run, despite having shards of glass stuck in my face, feet and dick. I must have passed out, because when I wake up, I'm laying in my front yard in the morning half naked. I slowly open the door and throw up all over my dad's new white carpet. He runs up to me and missile drop kicks me out the front door and into the mailbox. I get up and rub my head as I throw up more next to the mailbox. I look inside and find an envelope labeled "Freddy Fuckboy's Shithole." I open it up and find a paper with red ink on it. It read "We know you smoked our buds, boy. Next time come with some cash and we won't try and anal probe you." At the bottom were everyone's signatures, Freddy's sloppier than the others. I walk inside and trip over the vomit on the floor, getting partially digested pizza bits all over me. I walk upstairs to the bathroom, pissing uncontrollably over the brown carpets. I then hop in the shower and play with myself for a while. As soon as I get out my pappy pimp slaps me for pissing an vomiting everywhere. He tells me "Go straight to your room you bloody fuckwit cunt and don't come out until I fackin' say so," as he literally kicks my ass and I am sent flying into my room. I lay there, thinking about the letter. Thinking... and thinking... and touching myself... and thinking. Then, I realize something. They won't chase me if I take money with me. So I quickly crawl to me mum's room and steal a twenty dollar bill and a bottle of pills from her purse labelled "Overdose Pills." I then run into my room, shove the twenty in my underwear and take one of the pills and fall right the fuck asleep. When I wake up, it's 11:55 in the morning. My dad kicks my door down and yells "Get your bloody fuckin' pants on yah cunt! We're going to Freddy Fuckboy's Shithole!" I get out of bed and put on some pants and undergarments as I hear me mum in her room screaming "Where the FUCK are my pills?!?!?!?!" I lube up my bung hole and shove the bottle up there as I hear my dad missile drop kick me mum into the hallway. We all then get in the car and drive to Freddy's. When we arrive, me mum pays and my pappy slaps her as usual. When we take a seat, I notice the animatronics staring at me. I slowly take the twenty out of my pocket, just enough for them to see. They smirk at me and play some punkshit metal step or something. I walk off to the bathroom, I shit out the pill bottle and slip a pill in my mouth, and pass out in a stall. When I wake up, it's dark again, with only the vent's small light to guide me. I then crawl through and knock in the vent backstage. They all stop and look at me as I flash the twenty. They all let me in, hug me, and touch my genitals as I give them the twenty. Foxy hands me some, what he called, acid. He told me to just chug it down my throat and I did. My throat absolutely BURNED. Then, Bonnie gave me what he called a "bud." I inhaled it and saw the pretty rainbows again. Then, Chica puts the sugar in lines on a table and tells me to stick a straw up my nose, block the other nasal cavity, and inhale through my nose. I shiver with anticipation as the sugar goes up my nose. Chica Cuntnugget then tells me it's something called "cocaine." I tell her I love that fucking shit, it makes me feel like I could punch babies. Then, Freddy Fuckboy comes out of the corner with his big glass bottle. He slowly hands it to me and says "Yo, kid, try this fucking good mothershitfucking shit it's good ass shit yo," as I take it and light it. I inhale the succulent smoke and, again, pass the fuck out. When I wake up, my clothes are all over the floor and there's white stuff all over the place along with an empty glass bottle, little specks of cocaine, and some half smoked buds. I put my clothes on crawl through the vents. But before I walk out onto the stage, I see the gang standing side by side as some tall guy in a uniform is yelling at them. I then see two guys walk out of the bathroom, adjusting their pants. The man yells "Why the ever lasting FUCK were you fuckshits doing drugs in the back of MY restaurant?!?!" The gang just stands there, not answering. Then the man says, "You idiots are fired. I will NOT, again NOT tolerate you fuckwits 420 blazing it in the back of MY establishment. All of you, out, NOW!" The animatronics lower their heads and walk out. The two men from the bathroom go back stage and clean up the mess. And by clean up I mean finishing what ever was left. The tall man walks away with his head in his hands. I get out of the vent and walk to the door. My rear end hurts a little, but I think nothing of it. As I'm walking back home, I see the gang walk into an alley. I decide to follow them. I am shocked by what I see. Chica Cuntnugget is shoving her face into a man's private genital region. Foxy Fuckshit and BonnieBitch tits are rear end banging eachother while Freddy Fuckboy films it and inhales what ever buds he has left. I step into the alley and say "What are you guys doing?" They all look at me and then realize who I am. I notice the homeless man has a jizz face and Chica has a white liquid in her mouth.

I stand there awkwardly and Fuckboy throws my a bud and says "Get out of 'er kid, and take that bud with you... to remember us. We're unemployed now. The only way we can get money to keep up with our addictions is to do all this crazy shit in alley ways and sell it online." He then slides a card my way that reads "www.freddyfuckboyspornextravaganza.com" I stare at it then put it in my pocket as I walk home. When I get home, I steal me mum's laptop and go to the website. I don't remember much of what happened, but when I woke up I was touching myself again. I got up and walked down stairs where I saw pappy hitting mommy. Pappy turned to me and falcon punched me. I yelled at him "1v1 me you prick!" Then he 360 ninja kicked me and I got a bloody nose. He yelled at me "Shut your fucking mouth you scrube! I'll 360 no scope you when ever, where ever you fookin' cunt!" I then run to mummy crying and daddy comes back with his belt. I cry and scream as he gets closer and closer with horniness and anger in is eyes. Then, suddenly, Foxy, Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica burst through the door and tear my pappy to fucking pieces. He screams in agony as they rip every part of his flesh from his body. After all the screaming is over, all that's left of him are bones and a HUGE pool of blood. The gang looks at me and says "This cunt fuck won't ever be bothering you again." I run up and hug them as me mum runs up to her room and does unspeakable things to herself. The animatronics say "Anytime you need us, just smoke a bud, we'll know how to find you." I then smile wider than ever as they touch me inappropriately. I then go back to bed, me mum still doing unspeakable things, and fall fast asleep. When I wake up the next day, I still hear the unspeakable noises of me mum. I take the fifty dollars off the kitchen table and walk down to the Shithole. I see bulldozers and cranes with wrecking balls infront of the restaurant. I scratch my balls, confused. Then put four and twenty together and realize that they are going to tear down the building. Behind me, in an alley, I hear extreme sexual sounds and turn around to see the gang, gang banging one homeless man all at once. I wave to them and they wave back with big smiles on their faces. They tell me to wait a few minutes and I do.I watch as the men tear down the building and cry because of all the fun times I had there. Then the gang comes out to see me. They all wave and I wave back. They pick me up and touch me again. Their eyes are all dilated and their breaths smell like smoke. Freddy gives me a bud and I inhale the shit out of that thing. Then, they tell me there's someone they'd like me to meet. I follow them down the alley way. Deep into the alley way. Then, at the end, is the most bad ass mother fucker I've ever seen. He was sitting on an old plastic chair with cheap red carpet over it. Beside him sat two women in bikinis. He was smoking a bud, snorting cocaine, and drinking booze all at the same time. He looked so beat up, so ragged, so kick fucking ass. "His name," began Freddy, "is Springshit, Bitchtit's older brother."

I stare at Springshit in absolute amazement. He gestures for me to walk over to him with one of his fingers. I slowly walk up towards him. He says to me in a distorted voice, "Wannna know what I do for a living, kid?" I nod as fast as I can. Springshit smirks and says "Fuck bitches and get wasted," as he finishes his booze and coughs up some coke. I tell him in excitement, "When I grow up, I wanna be just like you!" He then gestures for me to come closer. I turn my head to him as he whispers in my ear, "Good luck with that you stupid fucking cunt bitch twat." I pull away and he looks at me with a smug face. I feel myself clutching my fists, my forehead began to feel extremely hot, and then, suddenly, I squatted down, put my fists to my face, and yelled "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" as loud as possible. My hair spiked up, flames grew around me, and I could feel myself getting more and more powerful. My cock grew hard, my bowels released. I then ran up to Springshit, with my fist held right infront of me, and yelled "FUCK YOOOOOOUUUUUU" as my fist jammed itself into Springshit's mouth, and a bright white light appeared as I then passed out in the alley way. When I woke up, I was in the hospital. A doctor came into the room and said, "Ah, finally, you're awake. I bet you're wondering what happened!" I nodded and he sat on my bed and told me, "We found you in an alley way with two dead hookers and five scrapped animatronics." I felt myself about to cry when the doctor then told me, "One of those scrapped animatronics was Springshit, a mob boss we've been trying to catch forever. But you... you wasted him. You did the world a good thing. This guy is complete shit, he murdered children, and covered himself in purple paint because Barney is purple and can go near kids anytime. After this failed, he stuffed himself into an animatronic, it killed the animatronic, but it was the best sex he ever had." He then told me I will be able to leave as soon as I wanted. I immediately climbed out of bed, stole some pills from the hospital and ran home. When I walked in the door, I still heard the unspeakable noises of me mum. I then walked to my bedroom, and fell asleep in bed. I woke up at midnight, and noticed me mum's unspeakable noises were gone. My two doors were kept open, and my closet was cracked open. I grabbed my flashlight, climbed out of bed, went to the left door. When I turned on my flashlight, I saw a bud down the hallway. It was freshly smoked. I then went to the other door and heard the unspeakable noises of Chica Cuntnugget. I then realized... my drug addicted friends were going through withdraw and were after me because they blamed me for it. Foxy was in desperate need of a fix and was hiding in my closet. Behind me, Freddy Fuckboys little crackbaby fuckboy minions were on my bed, I pissed and had an explosive storm of liquid shit rip my pants in half, I passed out in that very puddle of piss and liquid shit." "Dad?" "Yes son?" "What the actual fuck was that?" "It was my child hood you dumb fuck" "Dad, stop calling me names!" "OH FUCK YOU, YOU'RE GROUNDED!"

The End.