Sanic.dank

WARNING!: If Your Reading This Lolpasta, Get Rid Of Sonic.exe Because It's Not a Lolpasta!

Intro: Well Seymour I made it, despite your directions.

The Story
It started on a nice summer afternoon, I was playing Sonic Unleashed until I noticed, out of my peripheral vision, that the mailman had arrived and put something in my mailbox as usual and left. I paused my game to go see what I got in the mail... The only thing in the mailbox was a CD case for computers and a note. I took it inside.

I looked at the note first and realized it was from my dear friend Kyle (Let's just call him that), whom I hadn't heard from in 2 weeks. I know that because I recognized his handwriting, though what was weird is how it looked; it looked badly written and scratchy and somewhat difficult to read, as if Kyle was having a hard time writing it down and did it in a hurry.

This is what he wrote...

"Tom,"

I can't take it anymore, I had too much sex somehow? before it was too late, and I was hoping you'd do it for me. I can't do it, he’s after me, and if you don't destroy this Sex Tape, he'll come after you too,t for me.... Please Tom, play gold using this god-forsaken disc before poop rains from the sky, it's too late for me.

Destroy the tape, and you'll destroy him, but do it quick otherwise he'll catch you. Don't even play the game, it's what he wants, just destroy it. Please...

Kyle"

Well, that was certainly weird. Even though Kyle IS my best friend and I haven't seen him in 2 weeks, I didn't do what he asked me. I didn't think that a simple gaming disc would do anything bad to him, after all it's just a game right? Boy, was I wrong about that...

ANY way, I looked at the disc and it looks like any ordinary computer CD-R disc, except it had black marker on it written ''bee movie", and it was much unlike Kyle's handwriting, meaning that he must've gotten it from someone else, like a pawn shop or eBay. When I saw "Sonic" on the writing of the CD, I was actually excited and wanted to play it, since I'm a HUGE fan.

I went up to my room and turned on my computer and put the disc in and installed the game. When the title screen popped up I noticed that it was the first game, I was like "Awesome!" Because like I said earlier I liked the classics. The first thing I noticed that was out of place was when I pressed start, there's was a split second when I saw the title image turned into something much different, something that I now consider horrifying, before cutting to black.

I remember what the image looked like in that split second before the game cut to black; The sky had darkened, the title emblem was rusted and ruined, the SEGA 1991 was now instead SEGA 9000, and the water had turned rainbow, like clown puke.

But the freakiest thing that was in that split second frame was Sonic, his eyes were filled of poop and moving with two glowing gumball eyes staring RIGHT AT ME, and his smile had stretched wider up to the edge of his face. I was rather disturbed about that image when I saw it, though I figured that it was just a glitch and forgot about it. After it cut to black it stayed like that for about 10 seconds or so. And then another weird thing happened, the save file select from Sonic the Hedgehog 3 popped up, and I was like "WTF? What's this doing in the first Sonic game?", anyway, then I notice something off, the background was the dark cloudy sky of the Bad Stardust Speedway level from Sonic CD, and there were only three save files. The music was that creepy Caverns of Winter music from Earthbound, only it was extended and seemed to have been in reverse. And the image for the save file where you see a preview of the level you're on is just red static for all three files.

What freaked me out more was the character select, it showed only Tails, Knuckles and to my surprise, Robotnik! Now I was sure that something was up, I mean, how can you play as Robotnik in a classic Sonic game, for crying out loud?

That's when I realized that this wasn't a glitchy game, it was a hacked game.

Yeah it definitely looked hacked, it was really creepy, but as a smart gamer, I wasn't scared (or at least I tried not to be), I told myself that it was just a hacked game and there's nothing wrong with that. Anyways, shaking off the creeped out feeling I picked File 1 and chose Tails and when I selected and got started. The game froze for about 5 seconds and I heard a crappy pixelated laugh that sounded an awful lot like that Kefka guy from Final Fantasy before cutting to black.

The screen stayed black for about 10 seconds or more, then it showed the typical level title thing, except the simplistic shapes were different shades of red and the text showed only "HILL, ACT 1". The screen faded in and the level title vanished revealing Tails in the Green Hill Zone from Sonic 1, the music was different though, it sounded like a peaceful melody in reverse. Anyway I started playing and had Tails start running like you would in any of the classic Sonic games, what was odd was that as Tails was running along the level there was nothing but flat ground and a few trees for 5 minutes, that was when the peaceful music started to higher up into fast earape deep tones very slowly as I kept going.

I suddenly saw something and I stopped to see what it was; it was one of the small animals lying dead on the ground bleeding (That was when the music started to slow down), Tails turned into a bee that I never saw him have before, so I had him move along, and he kept that worried look on his face. As he kept moving I saw more dead animals as Tails moved past them looking more and more worried as the music lowers and he moves past more dead animals, I was shocked to see how they all died, they looked like somebody killed them in rather gruesome ways; a squirrel was hanged on a tree with what appeared to be his entrails hanging out, a bunny had all four of his limbs torn off and a duck had his eyes gouged out and his throat slit. I felt sick to my stomach when I saw this massacre and apparently so did Tails. After a few more seconds there were no more animals and the music seemed to have stopped, I still kept Tails to continue.

After a minute passed after the music stopped, Tails was running up a hill and then he stopped, it wasn't until I saw why; Sonic was there on the other side of the screen with his back against Tails with his eyes closed. Tails looked happy to see Sonic but then his smile faltered, obviously noticing that Sonic wasn't responding to him, if not acting as if he was totally oblivious of Tails' presence. Tails walked slowly toward Sonic, and I noticed that I wasn't even moving my keyboard to make him move, so this had to have been a cut scene.

Suddenly I began to have a growing feel of dread as Tails walked closer to Sonic to get his attention, I felt that Tails was in danger and something bad was going to happen. I heard faint static growing louder as Tails was but inches away from Sonic and stopped and stuck his hand out to touch him. That foreboding feeling in my gut was growing stronger and I felt the urge to tell Tails to get away from Sonic as the static grew louder.

Suddenly in a split second I saw Sonic's eyes open and they were B E A N O S, just like the meme, thought there wasn't a smile. When that happened the screen turned black and the static sound was off.

It stayed black for about 7 seconds and then white text appeared forming a message, saying, "APPROACHING SOUND TERILIER!!!''

At this point I was creeped out, I didn't want to continue with the game, but my curiosity got the better of me when I was taken to a different level with the level title now saying "poop butt poop butt poop butt poop butt poop butt poop butt poop butt poop butt".

This time I was in the Angel Island level from Sonic 3 and it looked like everything was on glitching and turning into poop.

Tails looked as though he was angry out of his wits this time. He actually looked at me and made frantic gestures to me as if he wanted to get out of the area he was in as fast as possible. I was starting to get freaked out by this...I mean Tails was actually breaking the fourth wall, trying to tell me to get him out of there.

So I pressed down on the arrow key as hard as I could and made him run as fast as he could, a pixelated version of that creepy theme when you meet Shadow at the ARK as Robotnik from SA2 was playing as I made Tails trek through the desolate forest, trying to help him escape from whatever he was trying to run from.

Suddenly I heard that creepy laugh again... that awful, Kefka laugh... right after 10 seconds have passed as I helped Tails run through the forest, and then I started seeing flashes of Sonic popping everywhere on the screen, again with those black and red eyes.

The music changed to that suspenseful drowning jingle as I see Sonic behind Tails slowly gaining up on him FLYING; Sonic wasn't running, he was actually FLYING! The flying pose his sprite was making looked very similar to Metal Sonic's flying pose in Sonic CD, except it was just Sonic and he had the black and red eyes again, only THIS time he had the most deranged looking grin on his face, he looked as though he was enjoying the torment he was giving the poor little fox as he gained up on him.

Suddenly when Tails tripped (another cut scene) the music stopped and Sonic vanished. Tails laid there and started crying for 15 seconds. The scene was rather upsetting to watch and I kind of teared up myself. But then Sonic appeared right in front of Tails and Tails kicked him into the sun. Tails just farted and flies away and took a dump in a cave with Sir Topham Hatt, and took his gloves and shoes off, he puts a pizza on a record player, and dances to the spiderman 2 pizza time song but bass boosted, memes appears and my computer flies away.

- End ;)