JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer vs Jimbo Kerman EPIC DEATH BATTLE 2019!!!!1 Part One out of One.

It was 24:52 on Kerbin. Their latest attempt to get a rocket into the stratosphere failed miserably as it exploded in catastrophic failure after traveling 10 feet. Little did those weird stupid green chicken nuggets know that their absolute annihilation was waiting. Jimbo Kerman lurked in the shadows, his hyper-realistic eyes bulging more than before, so red and dry that his eyes felt like they were on fire with the flames of Hell itself. Jimbo stood in the space station and said to himself, “Now, The Nine Hells of Baator await.” He pressed a button, and suddenly a rocket 3 times the size of our moon pushed the planet Eeloo into Kerbin, completely annihilating absolutely everything, destroying every single Kerbal in existence!!1 Press X to pay your respects.

 

Meanwhile, JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer was standing inside a volcano riding a dragon while wielding a daikatana, his digital clock eye reading 12:53 PM. He was currently preparing to do another one of his legendary killings. After 23279.99991 seconds of contemplation, his clock-eye read 6:66 FU, and his living hyper-realistic eye opened. It was time. He magically teleported in front of Zalgo, as 6 of his 7 mouths were constantly muttering something, probably because he has some annoying crap by Twenty-One Pilots stuck in his head. He showed Zalgo the absolute epitome of cringe, Just Hanging Out by Damian Carter as it was performed in the movie Birdemic (the entire scene), and this caused him to explode into 928,284,395,124,001 pieces!

 

It was then at 12:54 PM (or 24:54 on Kerbin) that both JackJack and Jimbo both felt a hyper-realistic and bloody presence, that somewhere in the Jeff the Killer Cinematic Universe™, there was another being equal to their own staggering and terrifying power. They both went super-saiyan and traveled for light-years and light-years in the span of a few nanoseconds, before they met each other on the planet Mustafar. It was then that the epic poetry that is groundbreaking, emmy-award winning dialogue between the two lolpasta gods begun.

 

“What in the mother of fuck are you supposed to be”, roared JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer. “A minion?!” This made Jimbo Kerman even more angery (not angry, but angery, which is even worse). “I AM AN ULTRA-DEMONIC YUGOLOTH THAT HAS TAKEN THE FORM OF A KERBAL WITH HYPER-REALISTIC EYES. ANYWAYS, NICE EYE, LOSER!”, was Jimbo’s response, said with the ultimate contempt that only Ash Crimson from KOF XIII could replicate. JackJack stared slightly behind himself with the annoyed soulless expression of an edgy goth teenager whose favorite clothes store is Hot Topic, and said, “I don’t need to take that from you. Oh, and by the way, I just killed Zalgo. So scram, PUNK!” Jimbo Kerman scoffed and replatyed (which is the synonym for “replied” filled with the most hatred), “AND I DESTROYED TWO PLANETS TWO MINUTES AGO! B̷̛̟́̊Ȓ̷̻̝̔ͅI̸̧̛͖̯̰̒͂́N̵̟̗͉͛̌G̸̊̈́̔̓͜ ̷͇͉͂͆̇́ͅI̵͖͖͛̀̈́͆T̴͔̳̝̖̃ ̸̦̘͇͔̇T̴̼̣̯̪͆̈́̓͠H̸̝͒͋̚Ë̵̻͉́͌̐ ̴̛͎̪͉̈́F̶̨̪̔̀̃̚Ụ̵̪̥̤̇͋̄C̴̢̛̥̗̽K̸̫̈́̿́̀ ̶̥̙̥̈́͌͂̑O̸̧̱̺͚͑N̶̛̠̠̼̩͂̀͗!̷͎̱̉!̸̭͈̐͗͘̚!̶̦̬̹͐̍͌̐!̵̛̫̯̾͊!̴̧͑̓̒͝1̶̧͚̱͈̋” JackJack’s clock eye turned to 90:00 OV and he screamed, “N̶̗͍̙̿͐̏o̵͕̰̔̓w̵̛͍̃ ̵̺͔̈́͠y̸͓͐̊̐o̴̘̻͊͂̇ͅu̶͖̭̺̟͒͘ ̸̡̟̭̙̈́͊̎̄ẃ̷͈̻i̵͕͚͊̈́l̴͙̐͌̈́͒l̵̟̝͌͘ ̵̘̲̱̳̓f̸̜͖̐͆̇͜ạ̶͉̪̊̑̿ͅc̵̛̜͐̓̇ȅ̴̼̱̃ ̸̠͉͝t̶̨͈̤̚h̶͇̖͆̂e̴̱̞̼̕͠ ̴̟̥̙̈́t̸̨̲̯̀̈̓̈́r̸̥̜͙̜̄̀ų̶̫̏ë̶͇́ ̵̛̯̺͉̒́͠t̷̖̤͔̣͂̂r̸̰͔̼̫̊́a̷͉͔͐v̷̮̻̄͒̾͝e̸̩̎́͂ṡ̴͈̒t̴̤͐͒̾̉i̴̬͆e̶̹͕̊̽̆s̸̰͗́̄̕ ̸͍͈̩̣̓o̶̢̙̩͛͌̅̎ͅf̴͚̺̭̊̌̒ ̴̳̓͘ț̴͠ẖ̴͂ḙ̵͉̥͎̓̀̔͝ ̷̞̄͒͑̅w̸͍̯̗̣̾̂o̸͔̟͎͔̎̾͝ȓ̶̳̟̼l̸͕̅̂d̴̝͋̑̒̌!̷̡̭̈́ ̷͉̗͙̝͊̔>̶̛͈͐͝ͅ:̸̙̎)̸̗̉̋͊”

 

JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer and Jimbo Kerman both activated their X-Factor, and the ultimate fight of the gods of Olympus and Hades begun. JackJack displayed Baby Shark for Jimbo Kerman to hear, and a loud cutting noise happened as a tiny, tiny scar of hyper-realistic blood appeared on… whatever the hell a Kerbal’s chest is supposed to be. Jimbo looked down and said, “Oh look. You made me bleed. By the power of pizza flavored Goldfish®, I shall fight at my full strength!” Jimbo created the Death Star and fired the planet destroying laser at Mustafar, destroying it with JackJack still on it. JackJack gained a small paper cut about the size of the scar he afflicted on Jimbo. He floated in the middle of space, staring at the death star, with Jimbo standing on top of it… without a spacesuit.

 

JackJack flew towards Jimbo at 24386i758y298435uy2935y7293856y729835721986729385729385679837510875028350 miles per hour, and mentioned the existence of Green Lantern the Movie, which caused a beam of light with the strength of a quasar to crash down on Jimbo, destroying his Death Star and giving him a light bruise. Jimbo laughed maniacally and created a steamroller, and slammed it on top of JackJack, crushing against him until it slammed him into Ork, after which he punched the steamroller so many times that you actually thought it was cool and forgot it was a lazy reference to an anime you probably haven’t even watched in your entire life. After that, the bee-yatch exploded. JackJack had some ash on his clothes, but was otherwise unharmed.

 

JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer, stared straight at Jimbo Kerman & said the following monologue. “You think you can beat me, do you, you motherfrogging midget? Well, guess what! I am the deathlord! I AM THE FUCKING RAGNAROK! And by the way, as my name is JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer Emily Jackson Stewart, I WILL SEND YOU TO HELL FOR HELL FOR HELL FOR HELL FOR HEAVEN FOR HELL!!!!!!1” JackJack jumped up and cracked his knuckles, which sent a shockwave flying 320894u102385720387523984720358720937520935u203985203985 kilometers to earth, where it killed Slender Man in a one-hit K.O.! Then he showed the entirety of Foodfight to Jimbo Kerman. It set his eyes on fire, blue fire, but he didn’t care. It was, however, the first serious blow in this absolute legend. SHIT WAS REAL NOW.

 

Jimbo Kerman threw off his equivalent of a shirt and screamed at the top of his… whatever the anatomical equivalent of lungs is for a Kerbal… and bellowed, “Y̷͔͔̫̣͘Ő̵͚̬͍̭͋̈́͋̚̕͜͜Ų̶̙̟͈͍͎̿͑̅̎́Ŗ̴̞̜͎͉̒͜ ̷̰̺̀̒̚A̸̛̘͎͉̗̩̹̔́̓͑͒S̴̬̍̉̈́̈́͘͜S̶̙̮̤̊͗͑̃ ̴̢̙̦̜̈́͂̈́̓̋͠Ï̵̙̗̎S̸̨͉͈̥͓̓̐͜ ̷̨̛̪̲͎̻̆̾̓́G̸̛̣͊̇̓̾̐͜R̶̪̱̥͍͔̦̋̀̈́̊A̷̢͚̭̯̟͎̎͝S̶̮͘Ş̴͎̪͐͒͂͛̀͠ ̶̟͔͖̏̑͘͝A̵̼̟̮̺̣͓͊͂̅N̴̥̣̍D̵͖͑̒̀̐̈́͠ ̶͉̅͒͊Ǐ̶̠̘̜͛̀'̵̛͎̱̭͙͇͆͝M̷̟̳̙̝̑͒̀͋ͅ ̴̙̈́T̶̲̖̥̐̽̇͂̊̒ͅḤ̶̨̼͍̂E̴͈͉̠̥͍̹̽̓͆̽͝ ̸̧̹̱̖͖̈́́͌̔͝L̴̡͙̺͉̓̇Ą̵͆͝W̶̨̙̞̗͚̙̆Ǹ̴̤̻͋̚ ̸̡͙͑̈́́͘M̶̜̗̼̔́̀̎̎Ō̷̪̮̯͙̕Ẁ̷̧̙̠̏͂̽̕͝È̴̛̱̖͒͘Ṛ̴̟͕̌̈́̇͠ͅ!̸̢͖̰̞͆̐̆̆͝ͅ!̷̲̞̯͛!̴̘͇͔̌̈́̊̀̊!̶̥̟̦͍̀͐!̴̱̒̆͛!̴̠̓͐1̸̨̻͉͉͍̇̚͜” A giant lawnmower the size of three-thousand galaxies then materialized out of nowhere, and completely obliterated the galaxy Ork was in, as well as the next 723,244 galaxies, until it finally ran out of gas. JackJack’s shirt was shredded to bits, and noticeable scars appeared in 3 places on his body. Then, an earthquake happened across the entire universe. This was the first time either JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer and Jimbo Kerman have ever been damaged. The Orochi New Face Team Theme (Rhythmic Hallucination) covered by Megadriver started playing in the background. The sky turned hyper-realistic and red, like the skies of Demogorgon’s layer of the Abyss (okay, it's not red, but let’s just say it is for the sake of this EPIC TALE OF EPIC EPICNESS AND EPICALLITY!)

Jimbo created a megazord out of nowhere and slammed JackJack 239u87ty3gfweqd9hferg37t5ghr09328yrhf923f82y1g3rf92guvij93247hnfv03rgh84hgvn0283fhyc6g3y58ub2hu38gt759huir2fe1mj02t4yrfbqucnivj bwt39hgvn2mb0r3bj39be+mc22ough2048 times with a giant lightsaber, then said “DIE ONE THOUSAND DEATHS” as he threw JackJack into a raging supernova! JackJack flew out of the supernova and said, “Congratulations. I think you’ll look great in those lingerie”. A black hole then materialized out of nowhere and exploded, destroying the universe and creating a new one cause of the Big Bang!!!!1  At this point, both JackJack and Jimbo were on their last legs. They both turned super-saiyan and lunged towards each other with blazing fists, both of them screaming incredibly loud like “AJH(AJAJAJAAHJhahHAAHAHAHAHAHAHJAJAHAJAGAJAGAHAGAJAGABAJAHGABHAYABAJHAHGAHAHAAAHAHHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@!!!!!!!!!!!!!~!112`11”. Then, Santiago materialized from in between them, and shot both of them, killing them both instantly. Victorious, Santiago said his catchphrase, “SAN-TI-AGO”, and exploded.

There were only five survivors from the previous universe before what is now referred to as The Crap™ left in existance; Bob the Builder, Death Kirby, Ki-Adi Mundi, Hakeem Olajuwon, and Fez from That 70’s Show. They both stared at the new universe, the glowy epicness looking extremely beautiful. Ki-Adi Mundi turned to Bob the Builder and said, “What do we do now?” And Bob the Builder replied with the totally creative and completely not-cliché line, “WE REBUILD.” And there ends the tale of the epic battle between JackJack Anti-Skeleton Man the Killer Emily Jackson Stewart and Jimbo Taison “Coffee and Thund-A!” Kerman.

Written by H1V3M1ND 3V0LV3D