Hotline Miami 3: The Right Number

Alright, listen up dickweeds because I'm about to tell you a story about the scariest load of shit that ever penetrated my brain's butthole. Twice. At once.

So I was at home, watching some pretty shitty hentai about Dorito-chan getting super banged by Mouintan Dew-kun in the mouth teeth. Suddenly, I got an eMail from my only friend who was a disgusting furry Sonic shit and also he was gay so nobody likes him not even me.

"Hey, motherfucker, I was walking around and stalking the neighborhood cat when I found this dicsk, but only after getting my ass ripped apart by sex offender Shrek in the bite of 1969. Don't play it, you'll cum yourself into a coma or some shit. Even now, I'm drowning in my own dude fluid. Don't fucking do it Anon."

Obviously I didn't want to listen to this retarded cuck lord, I bet he looked like Patrick with a fucking shitty comb over by now, so I put in the floppy disk into my erect pussy copmuncher, oh yeah. This is happebin.

When the game booted up, I saw a file called "ICantBelieveYouveDoneThis.EXE" which was so scary, I was forced into rehabilitation for several eons before I was finally able to play the game. When I did, it showed me a hyper realistic image of a chicken mask with the title "Hotline Miami 3: The Right Number", The chicken mask looked so real it was like you could touch the feathers and when I reached over, I could feel the feathery sweetness and I came.

When I finally started the game, I was launched directly into a level labeled "The pussy house" which was so deep and majestic, it rivaled that of Evagegeligon. The level consisted of a door that led to a room, hardwood floor and white walls, but there was a man who had a gun, he shot me and I was killed as copious amounts of love juice poured out of every orifice in my body. R to restart was replaced with "R to Reap the butt"

I wanted to reap the butt.

I needed to reap the butt.

I pressed R and it cut to an image of Biker violently fucking a werewolf before giving it a handjob that could rival some 20 buck sloot from the street, oh yeah. But right as I took off my pants and was ready to sanctum the beauty my eyes had beheld, the screen flashed to Richard on one of those turney beds.

"Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me" were the words that escaped his sensual bird mouth before fucking Sam and Dean burst through the wall and shot him with a shrekzooka (Skrehkzooka is copyright Steven Galaxy 20XX) Making him explode into tiny supermans. Needless to say, I puked all over the floor and onto my super hard 50 foot galaxy erection that managed to pierce the roof and the heavens.

I instantly ejected the disk and snapped it in half, having shards fly all over the place in a fucking shrapnel anal anarchy, multiple pieces landing in my eyes, making me the blindest motherfucker since Lilly Satou but twice as blind.

After that day, I swore never to play video games or touch myself ever again, I even had my arms amputated.

Eventually the pain went away, except for the butt pain, butt that's a story for another monster of the week. I was at piece and love and shit, but then I WAS LAUNCHED INTO SPACE AND WAS KILL BY GIANT SPACE OCTAHEDRON CTHULHU.

End.