The Horrific Truth About the Outdoors

Hello there reader. Before I begin, let me ask you a question: Do you like the outdoors? Have you ever been outside of your house at least once in your life? Then I have a shocking revelation for you. What I am about to inform you is 100% '''REAL. THIS IS NOT FAKE!!!1! THIS REEEAAAALLLY HAPPENED!!11! Read on if you want to learn about the true evil '''lying within this world...

Anyway, it was yet another sunny day in my hometown. I was walking down the street to the park because i just thought I'd hang out there for a little while. I continued walking peacefully until I discovered something truly terrifying...Something that I will never forget...Something that will forever be burnt into my mind as the most hideous thing that not only me, but mankind has come across so far...

MY SHOES WERE UNTIED!

I fell to the concrete below, sobbing in agony and terror from what I had just witnessed. I covered my eyes in fear and and lied there sobbing for a few more minutes before finally sitting upright. I never looked at my feet again.

But then I realized something. My shoes are never untied! There's never been a single time that I can remember where I forgot to tie my shoes. On most occasions that's a good thing; untied shoes have been confirmed as 'the wors thin eva' by some guy on the internet (who's obviously correct but I won't get into that now), but it's like...how did I of all the people, forget to tie my shoes? How did this happen so suddenly and without a reason? Certainly, this must mean something...

OF COURSE! Suddenly, it all came to me. Obviously, it must be some spooky supernatural stuff! But...what kind of spooky supernatural stuff? Is someone...controlling me?! I just had to find out. I was questioning reality! What could nature have done to me?! What secret is the outdoors hiding?!

So, I went back home to my computer, to get away from the hell known as "the outdoors". I googled "IS DUHR A NUTURE DEMUHN?" into the search bar. It 404'd. Then I went onto Bing and searched the same thing. It 404'd. Then I went onto...whatever search engine there is other than Bing or Google and searched the same thing. It 404'd. I was really weirded out by now. Suddenly, I got a random Skype call from a guy I didn't know named "777". I was all like "What the hell? Why isn't his username '666' like what usually happens when I get into paranormal crap?" The user 777 quickly chimed in and told me to shut up.

In a sueper demonuhic voice, he told me that "The outside is watching" and that he was going to make sure that my shoes are untied for the rest of eternity, as well as make sure I die on top of that too. Then he quit the conversation.

So then, I looked outside my window and saw that I had been transported to HELL!! wooh, liek, wuht hueppuned?? The sky was red, there was fire all over the place, and my chest was suddenly ripped out. Wait, '''WHAT?! '''Suddenly, the demon appeared and grabbed me with his giant red hand. He stared at me with with bloody eyes and an evil grin. Afraid, I said...

"...Can't we just go outside together and grab a soda?"

Then, his demonic voice spoke.

"UH, SURE! THAT'S WHAT I WANTED ANYWAY!"

So then everything changed to '''PUPPIES AND KITTENS AND SUNSHINE AND RAINBOWS!!! WE WENT TOGETHER TO GET A SODA :)))))) '''I was all like "well gee I guess the outdoors aren't so bad after all".

So, me and the demon both got a Mountain Dew. But when I drank it, suddenly, 'I BLED HYPER REALISTIC BLOOD ALLLLL OVER AND I SAW A CREEPY BOY STARIN' AT ME OR SOMETHING WITH ZALGO EYES AND MY EYES WERE BLEEDING AND I FELL TO THE GROUND AS I WAS HAVING A NIGHTMARE ABOUT SOME EVIL THING AND THEN A SKELETON POOPED OUT AND THEN I DIED.'

So there you have it, kids! The outdoors are actually run by evil bloody demons and evil Montein Doo!!! NEVER go outside ever because then your shoes will get untied and you'll be killed by some really bloody scary crap! Stay safe guyz!!!1