DEATH DAY

SO DIS ONE DAY, DERE WAS DIS GUY, I TINK HE WAS A HOBO, AND DEN HE DIED. AND DEN DIS GUY DROVE PAST IN HIS TRUCK. HE SAW THE DED HOBEO AND DEN HE DIED OF A HART ATECK. AND HIS TRUCK CRASHED INTO A SCHOOL, AND DA TRUCK EXPLODED, AND DA SCHOOL CAUGHT ON FIRE, AND EVERYONE IN DA SCHOOL DIED LIKE DA GUY IN THE 1920S WHO BLUE UP DA SKEWL WITH DA TRUK..

DEN, DEAD BURDS STARTED FALLING OUT OF DA SKY, AND SOME PEOPLE GOT HIT BY DESE DEAD BURDS AND DIED TOO. AND DEN A SKELETON POPPED OUT BUT DA SKELETON DIED TOO! BARAK OBANA, UPON HERING DIS TRAGADE, DIED! MITT RAMNE LAUGHED, BUT DIED OF LAUGHTER. DEN, AT NASA, A ROKET THEY LAUNCHED RAN OUT OF FOOEL, AND DA PEOPLE INSIDE DIED! THE ROCKET FELL TO EARTH AND HIT DA COMAND CENTRRR. EVERYONE IN DERE DIED, EXCEPT FOR A DOG, BECUZ YOU CAN'T KILL DOGS. BUT DEN DA DOG DIED TWO!

AT NORTH KOREEEAR, DEY DECIDED TO BOMB SEOUL BECUZ AMERUCA WAS DED. DEY KILLED EVERYONE IN SOUL INCLUDING PSY, BUT AT LEEST PSY AND DA STARCRAFT PLAYURS DIED HAPEY. DEN, EVERYON AT NORTH KOREAR DIED BECUZ RUSIA THREW NUKES AT DEM! IN RUSIA, VLADIMIR PUTIN ACCIDENTLY SHOT GERASIM'S BROTHER IN THE ASS. GERASIM HIT VLADIMIR WITH AN AXE, BUT GERASEEM GOT SHOT BY DA SPETZNENZNEZNSWEAZ. FREDRICK GOGOTE WAS SO HAPPY THAT GERASEEM DIED. BUT DEN A STRAY NOOK FROM CHINA HIT THE PLACE HE WAS AND FREDRICK AND HIS FOLOWERS DIED!

SOMEWHERE IND A ROOENS OF AMERICA, A BIG DOG TRIED TO PUBLISH A BOOQUE ABOUT HIS CREEATSHUN. BUT DEN HE DIED BECUZ PEOPLE HATED IT! AND DEN EVERYONE ELSE DIED EXCEPT FOR PATRIXXX. AND DEN THE WORLD EXPLODED, AND DEN YOU DIED.

DA END.

Translated Version

So, this one day, there was this guy - I think he was a hobo - and he died of an infection. Then, this other guy drove past the alley in his truck. He saw the dead hobo, and he too died, but this time, of a heart attack. His truck proceeded to crash into the school. The truck proceeded to explode, and the school caught on fire. Everyone in the school died. It was reminiscent of the Bath School disaster in 1927, where a man named Andrew Kehoe blew up a school with explosives in his truck.

Because of the fumes from the burning school, some birds started to die and fall from the sky. A few people got the birds' beaks impaled in their heads, and died as a result. Suddenly, one of the victim's skeletons popped out of their body, but the skeleton died too. US President Barack Obama, upon hearing the deaths, died. Mitt Romney, Obama's rival during the 2012 elections, laughed at Obama's death, but laughed so much that he died of laughter. During this, a rocket that NASA had launched a day ago ran out of fuel and oxygen, and the people inside suffocated to death. The rocket fell from space, gained speed, and utterly demolished the command center, spreading chunks over a 30 mile radius. Everyone in the center died, except for a dog. The dog died from a falling chunk of the ceiling.

Somewhere in North Korea, Kim Jong-un decided to bomb the city of Seoul in South Korea because America couldn't bomb them. They proceeded to bomb Seoul and kill everyone there, including famous pop singer Psy. However, Psy, as well as the Starcraft players, died happily. In response to the bombings, North Korea got nuked by Russia. The mayor of Hiroshima readied the "Stop nuke testing" letter, but died from a gingko tree falling on him. In Russia, while Gerasim Yakovlev was being awarded with the Hero of the Russian Federation medal, Vladimir Putin accidently shot Vladimir Yakovlev in the ass. Gerasim got a guard's gun and stabbed Putin with the bayonet, but Gerasim got killed by three members of the Spetsnaz. Freddrick Gorgote, upon hearing of Gerasim's death, got so happy he stabbed a Follower. But then, a stray nuke from Russia hit the Follower's hideout, killing the Followers.

Somewhere in the ruins of the United States of America, a man known as William Carey published a book on his creation known as Jane the Killer. But then, he died because people hated it. However, Stephanie Meyer and E.L. James died too. Finally, everyone died in the world, except for Evil Patrixxx. This caused the core of Earth to explode, blowing up Earth. Finally, you died.

The end.

And then the earth's skeleton popped out