Bootleg Thief and the Cobbler Video

'''Bootleg Thief and the Cobbler Video ''' The Thief and the Cobbler. What a movie. It was a movie started by Richard Williams (of Roger Rabbit fame) in 1964. It was eventually bought by Warner Bros, and released by The Completion Bond Company and Miramax in 1993. The Calvert version was badly butchered, adding 4 songs and giving Tack a voice, for example. The Miramax added more songs and butchered it more. However, not all things were butchered. In all versions, Zigzag was voiced by Vincent Price, and many minor characters had their voices kept through all versions (Like Chief Roofless, the Brigand, and the soldier who warns Nod of One-Eye).

Plus, in 2006, Garrett Gilchrist got a lot of sources of the Thief, including William's workprint, to make the closest we can get to the true Thief. It adds all the old voices (Sean Connery doing Tack's only line, and Nod voiced by Anthony Quayle), and removes a lot of the Miramax/Calvert edits. Except a couple. The Witch appears as an eye, Zigzag and Tack still fight, and the Thief is still praised for returning the golden balls, for example. But, there is one version unlike any other. It removes all the edits, and I mean all. It is also in a better quality. There is no trace for this copy, except one. This copy is on a VHS tape named "Test, How It Evolves For." The video however has a dark past to it, though. Many people who have seen it have gone mad, and a few died. The people who have gone mad received an email 1 hour before they went mad. A lucky number only had extreme nightmares for a couple of weeks. It won't work on NTSC VCRs, but oddly on PAL VCRs.

It starts off normally, with Felix Aylmer doing the intro, and the Thief dragging Tack out onto the square, where Zigzag steps on one of Tack's tacks. Some noteworthy parts of the video are some lines forming around the top, but that's pretty much all for the first 15 minutes. After that, it's pretty normal, but some major lines appear. Also, the Golden Balls sequence is cut from the movie. When they get to the Mad and Holy Old Witch, some parts skip over. Also, the Holy Old Witch doesn't make any noise, but some mumbles. Tack is still pale, also. Sometimes, he acts like he is very tired, with a drooping motion and baggier eyes.

Another thing I noticed is that there is no One-Eye appearances until Zigzag provides him with the Golden Balls. He looks like he just got out of a fire; major burns across his face. Zigzag at this point doesn't seem to be willing to do One-Eye's biddings. Sometimes, he looks like he wants to get out of One-Eye's face. The final battle happens. When the death machine is being built, the music is sometimes slow, and sometimes, it doesn't even have music at all. Also, harmless people are being put into the Death Machine, not One-Eyes.

When Tack, Yumyum, her nanny, and the other guys get to the Death Machine, Tack gets very pissed off. He walks away, not talking to YumYum, even though she says "Tack! Please, no!" Zigzag looks at Tack, and says "Hmph, another soul." Tack doesn't even fight Zigzag. He fires the tack, and nearly hits Zigzag. It throws him off his horse. The tack bounces off the One-Eyes as usual, but then hits a guy in the back, making him scream and fall, his sword cutting the rope to the catapult. It does the Rube Goldberg sequence, but with edits. First off, the One-Eyes are replaced with ordinary people, and secondly, when they get hurt, blood appears from the wounds. The worst part is the lava part, with charred bodies floating in the lava, still burning.

It cuts instantly to the Thief, climbing up the stairs. He is too late, however; a rock knocks him off, killing him. The machine falls apart, and One-Eye gets sat on, like the Recobbled Cut. However, Zigzag's death is more gruesome. There is actual light in the cave. And Zigzag gets eaten by alligators, and his head bit off by Phido. You could imagine what it would look like. Then, it cuts to the 3 golden balls, scorched but still there, rolling to the heroes. They cheer, and put the golden balls on the minaret. Then, the golden city explodes: people's ribs and organs visible. The last shot before the tape ends is a hyper realistic body of Zigzag.

I wondered why someone would do this. Who would be so rotten enough to do this? Hold on, I just got an email...