Ghost in the Calc

Hello, my name is Antoine. Let's get one thing clear, I'm not exactly a "tech pornstar" like a lot of people are, but I just wanted to write about my...experiences, since this seems like a close knit community I can trust.

It was the sizzling summer of 2010 and school was mere weeks around the corner. Of course, I already had the essential school equipment like pencils, notebooks, pens, backpack, but there was one thing in particular that I needed to complete my list of needs. One thing that all children of the learning variety needed, a calculator. Now it wasn't just any calculator I needed, I needed the latest TI 84-Plus Silver Edition. This bad mama-jama could calculate quick maths with the blink of an eye. However, I come from a poor family with little to no money, and couldn't afford this Algebra 1 hack.

One day my mom decided that we go to a garage sale that was live at the neighborhood next to ours, within walking distance of course. It was a small home with not much in the way of selection, except for a small plastic folding table with some stuff. Anyways, I walked up and snooped around looking at the neato mosquito sale items. The owner of the home came up from his chair and greeted me. "Hello there, bud!", he said, with a certain kind of glow to his face. He was an older man, but you could tell he meant good. Anyways, I asked him about his paintings, only to be responded with "Well, they were just simple finger paintings my niece did when she used to visit me. I was hoping to maybe sell them to help raise money for her college." Not thinking too much of it, my mind wandered off to the table and noticed one of the paintings being propped up slightly by something, it was...Magnificent. I found THE calculator, the exact calculator I have been needing. I was in pure awe being in its presence. "How much?", I asked. "Since you seem like a promising young man, how about free?"

I was grinning from ear-to-ear with pure joy that not only did I find the dream tool, I got it at a fair price. Upon inspecting the device, I noticed that on the there was a green piece of tape with permanent marker writing on top. The tape was scratched up and the permanent marker could barely be read except for what seemed to be a legible "B" and, what I'm assuming, an "m" at the end? There was another letter in between but there was no way of identifying what it read. Without my own knowledge of thinking about it, I asked the man about where exactly did this come from? "Oh, I believe it was from the boy who previously lived here. You see, there was a family that lived in this home who recently came across the devastating news of their child seemingly attempting suicide via drowning. They moved as they felt this home held too many sad memories, so they lent me some of their things and headed off". I felt a bit of an eerie shiver down my spine when he told me that story, but hot diggity I got myself a new calculator! I waved to the old man goodbye and told him thanks.

As I was walking away from the table I saw this car recklessly pull up nearly halfway into the man's lawn, and out comes this rather obese, neckbearded seemingly college student power walking to this garage sale, shoving me aside and yelling "MOVE!" I was happy to have kept the calculator safe from harm as I plummeted to the ground from the guy's force. On the ground, I watched the guy harassing the old man and calling him names like old coot and gramps. The college guy asked if he "had anything good like video games besides the autistic paint splats". The old man seemed to have a grin on his face and told him that he would be right back, and came back he did, with what looked like a box full of games. Not thinking it through, I somehow made the connection between this calculator and the games, and almost nearly had sort of an epiphany moment before I forgot what I was about to uncover mentally. The college guy snatches some kind of grey cartridge from the poor man and hastily makes his way back to his car. I remember there being some kind of writing on the back of the game as the guy walked passed me, but his fat fingers blocked the letters.

I went back home, into my bedroom. I...I didn't know what to think. Here I am, holding the praised device that everyone dreams about. I pressed the "ON" button and, to my surprise, it was fully charged and functional. Although, for some reason when I pressed on, instead of presenting the usual welcome screen, it just flashed a couple times and then went to a hyperrealistic main screen. It also made a very low buzzing noise that lasted for about 3 seconds after being turned on. “No biggie”, I thought. I wanted to see this baby pur, so I managed to come up with a complex quadratic formula to get the gears a’ pumpin’ on this. Not thinking it quite thoroughly, I accidentally pressed the “HOME” button before the graphic of the quadratic could be finished, and text overlapped the XY graph saying “YOU CAN’T RUN AWAY”. Once it said that I was like: “dang alright haha, eager to show me your private show now, I see you”.

I wanted to see if my girl right here could have some programs stuffed into her, so I grabbed my USB cable and plugged ‘er in. There was some old programs that I put on my computer just for this such as Doom, Mario, and Pacman. Not mindfully understanding what I did, I just transferred every program from the PC to the calculator, but something happened…Something different. After all the programs were added the calculator started doing that buzzing noise, but much more audible. The screen also started to glitch and sure enough, this dark red ooze began seeping out of the screen near hyper realistically. Not thinking of the big picture, I Tom Bradyed the calculator across the room, in fear of what the frig was going on. As tensions eased, I noticed that my computer was acting up, and realized that it must’ve been the calculator’s doing.

I decided to find some form of computer support online, yet I only found mediocre support at a sketchy website, but oh well. So I called the help number posted on the website, hoping to have some light shed onto my predicament. Someone picks up after what seemed ages, but there was not much coming from the other end besides distant chatter and static. “ELLO TECH SAHPORT VHAT YOU NEET?”, said a very alarming Indian man. Startled, and not exactly thinking it completely, I just blurt out “yes, uh, I need professional computer expertise!” “YES YES YOU VHANT SAHPORT”, said the tech expert, “VHAT ES THA PROBLEM?” I thoroughly explain to them that I bought a calculator, I plugged it into my PC, the calculator gave me a virus, etc etc. Almost coinciding my explanation, I start seeing an eerie face burn into my pc screen. The face was unrecognizable, but I could tell it was of a small kid. Eyes gouged out, a fresh Glasgow smile, tattered shirt, and hyper realistic blood just pouring out of the eye and mouth wounds.

“YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,” I screamed with hyper realistic dread, “ITS BEM!!!!!” “VHAT? VHAT YOU SAYED?!”, asked the tech specialist, “WHO ES BEM?!” The phone connection begins to break up and all I managed to hear was “YOU~BZZT~OWE~BZZT~GREENDOT~BZZT~PAK” right before the phone went completely dead. Lights in my room were flickering, my computer screen staying permanently onto that disgustingly hyper realistic face, but the calculator...That dadgum calculator that I one-punched to the other side of the room was glowing a bright red, and rumbling as if about to burst. I didn’t know whether I should call the police or crawl in a ball and cry. The glowing calculator had a deep, demonic growl and laugh as it levitated over to me. Not precisely thinking, I accidentally tooted in fear of what exactly this monstrosity was about to do to my mortal being. It spun and sparked, until eventually all was still.

I gulped for air as the screen of the calculator lowered to face me. It drew closer to my face, and the now hardened dark red ooze from earlier gave off a metallic smell, it was blood. Hyper realistic blood. "I have claimed not only you, but another.", said the calculator. "Wh-whoo else is there? Wh-wh-who are y-y-yu-you?", I asked hesitantly. "Only the most prolific...Ben..." Not letting an ounce of thought hit my brain, I then remember the connection I tried to make between this calculator and the games that old man had shown that college kid. This so called "Ben" apparition meant to reek havoc to those who dare mess with him. The calculator tried bashing me in the head while repeatedly saying "BEN DROWNED! BEN DROWNED! BEN DROWNED!" Not intellectually articulating my rational thought process, I snatched the calculator and told it "WHOSE YOUR DADDY NOW, BEM?!" and bashed IT against my desk as it screamed and sparked. As I was mercilessly dominating this PLEBulator, I heard it speaking in an innocent child's voice. "P-p-please, please don't h-hurt me anymore...I want help. I want to be rescued!" I sat there, dumbstruck..."I AINT DONE WITH YOU YET!", I yelled in vengeful glory. I made one last RKO slam on the spooky calculator as final means of showing who was boss.

That was that. The calculator was shattered, the burnt in image on my computer screen disappeared, and all seemed more than well. I took a long, deep breathe and let my adrenaline cool down. I looked around me and back at the calculator, but it had vanished. I yawned and stretched and went into my bed. But, something felt off...Oh, yeah. I STILL DON'T HAVE A CALCULATOR!