The Nose Ring of Sarquintus the Evil Fish

Before you whack me for my lack of creativity, I’ll have you know that there are no creepypastas about nose rings, so bite me, punk sauce. Also, this story is the realest thing you’ve ever seen; if you disagree then Sarquintis the Evil Fish will eat your wisdom teeth, which will kill you. Enjoy the story, you juicy grasshopper!

 

Sarquinintus the Evil Fish lives in Las Vegas’ beach, lurking beneath the waves of the city of sin. He looks like a normal Alaskan Pollock, with the following differences:  
 * 1) He has three eyes, the third one being hyper realistic!
 * 2) He has Jeff the Killer’s mouth, except with needle like teeth!
 * 3) His favorite anime is Oobi!
 * 4) He is best friends with Dagoth Ur!
 * 5) He has blood!
 * 6) He was born at 1:23 pm on February 29th on a Wednesday!
 * 7) His favorite creepypasta is Psycho cats info!
 * 8) He was one of the extras in Shark Tale!
 * 9) His main in Tekken is Panda!
 * 10) He is a member of the Whig party!
 * 11) And finally, and most notable, he has a cursed daedric nose ring!

The story you are reading is based around the final detail, the titular nose ring. Despite what you may think, Sarquintus’s nose ring often exists in random places throughout the globe besides the evil fish’s nose. Unfortunate people often find it on the streets of Bangkok, in a volcano, the intestines of a mongolian death worm, or even outer space! But only woe awaits those idiotic enough to pocket the ring. It is tempting; it is the only daedric thing that exists in real life. But do not do it, or you will be exposed to The Ultimate Deadly Hyper Realistic Curse of the Nose Ring of Sarquintus the Evil Fish™!

 

The curse begins with a dream, when this man will appear and it will rain black roses and then smile dog will let you rub his belly. But then Goku will put his face 0.1u9ht2g342r1e9`8ugj53013irj centimeters away from your face, say “7 daaaaaaaaaaays…”, and then you will wake up. This is the beginning of the curse, and things will only get worse from here. Every 2 hours for the next 9 days and 3 hours, you will get a terrifying telepathic message from Sarquintis the Evil Fish himslef (not himself, but himslef; there is a difference). He will sing Wake Me Up by Wham, but he is somehow a far worse singer (which is nearly impossible).

 

But what is even worse are the nightmares you will have during that time. You will have up to nine of these (one per night), the contents of which come in the following order:
 * 1) Postman Pat or another British stop-motion animated young kids show character eating your kidney for brunch
 * 2) Being forced to read Barking Dogs Don’t Bite: An Invisible Installment Macabre Tortellini with no explanation whatsoever
 * 3) Being cooked over an open fire by an Ewok tribe
 * 4) Having every media adaptation of Jack Frost ever all cannibalize your nose at the same time without any anesthetic
 * 5) Being an extra in Ratatoing
 * 6) Having to fight Mizuchi from Neo Geo Battle Coliseum on the hardest difficulty without using any of the continue services on your first time playing a fighting game
 * 7) Taking a guided tour through the 5th circle of Hell
 * 8) Taking time, effort and thought into writing this piece of shit
 * 9) Sarquintus the Evil Fish dancing an irish jig while killing you with a plastic spork.

The final nightmare will actually be deadly, as if it were real, and cause you to end up dead in reality. However, the death will be incredibly slow and boring, as if you were waiting at the DMV for 3 hours (at least until Sarquintus sings Wake Me Up for the final time). There is, however, a way to stop The Ultimate Deadly Hyper Realistic Curse of the Nose Ring of Sarquintus the Evil Fish™ without dying. However, doing so requires initiative. You must go to the beach of Las Vegas before the nine days and three hours pass. Find Sarquintus the Evil Fish, and re-pierce his nose with the nose ring. After doing this he will give you a free copy of The Simpsons season 8 and swim away, ending your curse. However, the ring will reappear somewhere, causing another person to inevitably suffer from The Ultimate Deadly Hyper Realistic Curse of the Nose Ring of Sarquintus the Evil Fish™.

Written by H1V3M1ND 3V0LV3D